Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

[lakesummer]

I would send a text, if she is scatty I can't see her minding this at all.

Sending over bank details for ten quid seems a little odd. But if she doesn't have the money next time you see her then you have this as a back up plan.

[copperpotsalot]

If you had plenty of money I think it would be a bit daft to ask for a tenner but as you don't, state that fact when you ask for it back and if she takes offence at that then she's a twat

[NeilBuchananisBanksy]

@Youresogolden

I think I’ll just wait and if she doesn’t pay, I’ll just chalk it down to experience and not pay again most likely

Eh, everyone is telling you to ask, so why this?

Just ask her- she owes you money!!

[ChequerBoard]

Unless you are strapped for cash and need the £10, I really couldn't be arsed to ask for the money. If she remembers and you get it back then fine, if not then you know not to stump up for her next time.

[jellybeansforbreakfast]

@Youresogolden

I think I’ll just wait and if she doesn’t pay, I’ll just chalk it down to experience and not pay again most likely

NO!!!

You say "X, pay for mine and that'll make us straight" sod her embarrassment.

You say "most likely which really means that next time she is 'embrarrased' by being without her purse or enough cash you will feel more embarrassed on her behalf and will cough up, again!

[Mymapuddlington]

Just text and say ‘hi, looking forward to play date. Can you pop that tenner into PayPal today at all as I’m a bit short. Cheers, see you soon!’

[MrsIsobelCrawley]

It's very simple. Ask for the tenner. Problem sorted.

It's far less tiresome than going through life feeling like a mug and presuming that nearly everyone out there is a thief and taking advantage of you.

[jellybeansforbreakfast]

@ChequerBoard last sentence of the OP!

just I’m quite skint this week and it would help

[KarmaStar]

Why did she take your change? Unless you both agreed it and she would repay you and does so,she's not forgetful she's taking advantage.

[cherrytreecottage]

@ChangePart1

I don't understand why people are being so nasty about this woman though, and saying stuff like 'of course she "forgot"' and so forth.

She said she'd give OP the tenner next time they met up, and they haven't met up yet. So what has she done wrong? OP has presumably gone along with that plan or said it's okay and hasn't asked for it before then, so what on earth has this person done wrong?

Am I missing something? OP lent her friend £10, friend said she'd give it back next time, next time hasn't come around yet. What's the issue!?

Agree with this.

Give her the benefit of the doubt that she'll give it back to you when you next see her. If she doesn't, text her afterwards and just say "Was so good to see you today! In all the chit chat, I totally forgot to grab that £10 off you! It's probably easier if I just give you my bank details....." and send them across. If she's genuinely forgotten she'll probably be mortified - I would!

[Juneisjoyful]

Cfuckery can become a way of life for some op.. Once started paying for coffees for both me and friend. Then lunches. She didn't even offer to pay for her own never mind mine!! Most days she sat relaying how little she had in the bank via her online app... So I continued to pay or I would have missed out on our treats also!! I travelled to her town so the expense was on me in all ways..
I begrudged not a penny I may add...she was my best friend.
Until one day I met her in the car park instead of On The Corner and she had a new Mercedes convertible..
I felt very had and used.

Friendship shifted for me after that.
We haven't spoken for over 6 years now.
I admit I ghosted her.

[Poshjock]

@KarmaStar

Why did she take your change? Unless you both agreed it and she would repay you and does so,she's not forgetful she's taking advantage.

Exactly. How the hell did she manage to take £8 off the waiter and put it in her pocket/purse when she was right there with you? She could have have directed the waiter to you or hand the money straight over. I am left thinking she acknowledged it because it’s theft otherwise, this way she can keep the ££ and blame forgetfulness and everyone thinks it’s so endearing.

[EverythingRuined]

I really don’t understand why you are hesitant to send her a reminder. Any normal decent person would welcome one. It be helpful to remind her in case she needs to get cash out. I’d send a reminder with my bank details. It takes two secs to do a quick bank transfer. You are making a big thing out of this when it needn’t be.
You are going to prolong the awkwardness by letting it drag on. TBH If someone lent me money and I forgot then I’d be mortified if they didn’t remind me because they thought I might be offended.
I’m well off but I still remind people when they owe me money. I’m generous with my friends and will happily buy coffees or bunches of flowers or whatever but if someone borrows money off me then I want to be paid back. In return I always pay my way and repay borrowed money.

[curlyLJ]

What I find odd is that she took the change, but as she had forgotten her purse, it would have become obvious (to her) that it wasn't her change to take...

I do think it's worth a quick text in advance just so she brings enough cash and can't say she forgot (again) or doesn't have enough on her.

[WingingItSince1973]

I really dont understand the change thing. If you had the change back from the money you put in then she would only owe you for the drink instead of the whole £10. Seems a very weird thing to do. None of my friends would think to do that. We would just say I owe you for the drink. Most of us wouldn't bother to expect it back if it was a couple of pounds or we would buy the drinks next time. Maybe I'm being a bit thick? It is hot today 🤣

[4bluebabies]

This is why PayPal is so good - just ask her to PayPal you today …

[Jaxhog]

Isn't it funny how scatty people always seem to 'forget' to pay or pay you back? They rarely forget if YOU owe THEM money.

I'd text her ahead of time. After all, you know how bad her memory is, so you're just helping her to remember.

[ChateauMargaux]

Don't 'chalk it down to experience". ..Text her and say.. 'looking forward to seeing you later.. I am hoping you've remembered you owe me £10 from last time, it will save me a trip to the cash machine..'

[Its90minutestonight]

She's a right CF. There is no way she will offer to pay you back.

[lazylump72]

forget your purse OP see what happens! Or meet her outside and do the oh hi XXXX glad your here to save my bacon.I forgot to go to the cash machine I was in such a tizz today,,have you got that 10 00 you owe me hun then I dont have to miss anything and drive off again? hun is optional I wouldnt usually say that!!!!

[Youresogolden]

@KarmaStar @Poshjock I suppose that’s why I’m writing this post really and normally I wouldn’t be that concerned. I was so confused whilst all the fuss was going on, then heard her say she’d go and get ‘Her’ change and in my head was like ‘Wait, what’ but as I said, all our friends were around, I didn’t want to embarrass her etc and I also wondered if she maybe needed that money? or was it a genuine mistake? As I said, she def is very scatty in lots of ways. I decided to wait and see what she said and as I was driving home I did think, ‘No, she def took that money’ it was pretty confusing!
Then she texted later laughing but saying how she took that and owes me a tenner. I just made light of it and said I thought that when I was driving home.
Hope that makes sense!

[ElephantOfRisk]

I'd just message and say that you aren't sure you can come as you are a bit skint, unless she has that tenner she owes you.

[ChangePart1]

@ChequerBoard

Unless you are strapped for cash and need the £10, I really couldn't be arsed to ask for the money. If she remembers and you get it back then fine, if not then you know not to stump up for her next time.

Is it really 'can't be arsed', considering sending a text asking for it would take just as little effort as typing out this comment?

Or is it a sense of social awkwardness instead, covered up with 'oh I just can't be bothered'?

[Youresogolden]

@WingingItSince1973 That’s exactly how I thought it would be, I’d buy her drink and whatever and leave it at that, would never ask for that back. But it ended up being I paid for it and she got extra money, when I processed it all, I was like ‘Wtf?’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

[AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken]

If I really wanted to avoid confrontation about it, I’d text something like:

“Hi,
My partner took my card to get some shopping bits yesterday and they’ve gone out today with it still in his/her wallet. Could you bring that tenner with you so I can get in today, please?”