Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

its fine to do that. Just say can you bring that tenner as I wont be able to get lunch otherwise

When you see her just say straight away "you'll be good to get my lunch today won't you, seeing as I lent you a tenner last time?" Then order a tenner worth of lunch. If she claims not to have her wallet, or if she says she only has enough for her own then you'll know never to give her money again. And while you're at it, don't give any to anyone else either unless you are prepared not to see it again.

I bank (for now because they’re going under!?!!) with M&S and get points for money I spend there so I often send my husband there with my card.

@Youresogolden If she is a friend, can't you just phone for a chat & ask her if she could pay you back as you're a bit skint this week?
Different if you're loaded - you can afford to be generous.
I would make sure I paid someone back!

Just ask politely?

If you don’t ask for the money back it will annoy you for years and years!

If she doesn’t offer on the day, I’d just ‘forget’ my wallet this time too. ‘But that’s ok friend, just take it out the tenner you owe me. Must dash’

But what are people’s thoughts on the situation itself, how it happened? Can you really be that scatty to think the change back is yours, I didn’t get it!
I wondered after if she perhaps needed the money? It’s quite a desperate attempt though, but makes me sad if she was that desperate. Or was it a genuine scatty mistake..or..is she sadly just a cf who knew what she was doing?( sincerely hope it’s not this) how would you have the gall to do that 🙈

I could be cynical but I reckon if you ask for the money back, she'll argue that she thought your text saying "no worries" meant she could keep the money....

I do hope I'm wrong, but I've seen behaviour like this before.

I agree text her in advance.

Why can't people just be honest with each other?
@Youresogolden She clearly has a conscience and can't be too scatty, hence the text she sent you confirming and acknowledging the debt

She's a dick for not having paid you back already. I would ask. I would not let it go. Now you know, too, next time she forgets her purse, don't pull yours out.

Just text OP, just a breezy 'hi, looking forward to our brunch, just a reminder to bring the tenner you owe me as I need it to cover my bill. Thanks' I always hated asking for money back then it dawned on me the person owing should be embarrassed, not me, it's your money

@DoubleTweenQueen Yes, but I was wondering if she perhaps really needed the money, that day? But texted later and said she’ll pay it back, with full intention to when we meet (I hope 🤣) it was just a really odd situation

Who cares? She owes you a tenner, and you're going to either be given it by her when you see her again or ask for it back. No need to overanalyse whether she was just distracted and pocketed it without thinking or concocted an elaborate plan to nick a tenner from you.

She’s ackcnowledged it and text you, first, before you even mentioned it to her so to me she hasn’t ran off with your money, genuine mistake.
You haven’t seen her yet and after all of this I hope she gives you it straight away.

@Youresogolden

I think I’ll just wait and if she doesn’t pay, I’ll just chalk it down to experience and not pay again most likely

That's what she's counting on. These people choose their marks well. She took the change! C'mon. Who does that? You sat there and said nowt? Bet she didn't forget her phone. She could have used her banking app to pay you then and there.

@osbertthesyrianhamster

She's a dick for not having paid you back already. I would ask. I would not let it go. Now you know, too, next time she forgets her purse, don't pull yours out.

I agree! I’d have asked for bank transfer details in case I forgot next time or were unable to meet up etc.

@ChangePart1 Well, I care about it because she’s a newish friend and would think it odd if she was deliberately trying to take money, unless she really needed it and then I’d be concerned

I have to admit, I find it weird to ask for her bank transfer details for a tenner 🙈

You're really overthinking it all. She said she'd pay you back next time she sees you, so there's no point in all this hand-wringing about how to get your money back and whether it was intentional.

If you're this anxious then I would practice some stock responses for if this happens again. "Oh sorry I can't cover yours, I need to pay for petrol on the way home" or whatever. It's usually when we're put on the spot that we agree to things we don't really want to do.

If you're skint then ask for it beforehand.

If you're not skint. I would let it go this time if it's not happened before.

Just ask for it back. No big deal surely.

@Youresogolden

But what are people’s thoughts on the situation itself, how it happened? Can you really be that scatty to think the change back is yours, I didn’t get it! I wondered after if she perhaps needed the money? It’s quite a desperate attempt though, but makes me sad if she was that desperate. Or was it a genuine scatty mistake..or..is she sadly just a cf who knew what she was doing?( sincerely hope it’s not this) how would you have the gall to do that 🙈

I guess it's a bit strange because if she forgot her purse, then took the change, that would make her realise (again) that she didn't have her purse, to put the change into. So, maybe it was genuine, or maybe she was trying it on. I would just drop her a text, and remind her to bring the tenner for the next day. You will know by her response if she is genuine, or not. If she keeps fobbing you off, then it's a lesson learned for a tenner, which might be a cheap lesson, in some ways.

[quote Youresogolden]@ChangePart1 Well, I care about it because she’s a newish friend and would think it odd if she was deliberately trying to take money, unless she really needed it and then I’d be concerned[/quote]
But you're really, really overthinking this.

She said she'd give you it back next time you see her. You haven't had that event yet. So why all of the worrying and panicking now? Why not wait until the event, see if she gives you it, and if not ask for it back?

Also, this is a lot of analysis about her character for the sake of £10

She said she'd pay you.
You asked if you'd be a dick to remind her and ask for it. Almost everyone has said ask her. Stop faffing
Just text her now and say, Can you bring that tenner when we go xx please, thanks.