Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

[TurquoiseDragon]

OP, if she took the money deliberately, it doesn't mean she needed it, just that she saw an opportunity.

[Youresogolden]

@diddl I wasn’t sure if she may have needed it..they’ve struggled recently due to covid etc (husband is in the entertainment industry) I don’t know, just seemed a bit off to say it with everyone there, I was also a bit confused

[Muchasgracias]

[quote Youresogolden]@ShirleyPhallus It’s not that I’m not standing up for myself, I just don’t know it it seems a bit petty to ask for a tenner back off a friend, or to ask for money back at all really.[/quote]
It’s definitely ok to ask for money back, no shame. I have a friend, v well off, who will ask for as little as £2 or £3 to be paid back (borrowed for a coffee) as well as larger sums. She is always v polite and prompt about it. It can feel a bit cringe (but that’s my issue) as I’m more inclined to go down the “I’ll get them next time” route. But, I admire her for her stand.

[Youresogolden]

@TurquoiseDragon Really hope not! Who does that

[Youresogolden]

@Muchasgracias See, I don’t really get that, especially if she’s wealthy abs doesn’t actually need if etc..I’d never ask for money back for a coffee. If I kept going for coffee with a friend for example and they never paid, that’d be different

[DasPepe]

If you didn’t say anything before or since she will bank on you not saying anything when it’s time to pay up at the lunch. Assuming she will even pay for herself then (sorry from what you have said I don’t think it was a scary accident she took the change).

I’d ask her to send her money over via transfer before that day. Otherwise just let it go and be prepared to not pay for her again.

[LordOfTheOnionRings]

[quote Youresogolden]@LordOfTheOnionRings But that’s my point, I’m not really fussed about the £10 itself but would like to know her true character[/quote]
What... she said she would give you the money back when she next sees you. And if she doesn't, she might have forgotten rather than it being her 'true character' and in that instance, you act as an adult and just ask for it back. If she was going to steal, i'm sure she would aim higher than £10.

I think this says more about you than her - you sound absolutely bizzare.

[Youresogolden]

@DasPepe She said she’d give it when we meet up, but it was a few weeks ago now, so her being the way she is, she may have genuinely forgotten

[countbackfromten]

I think you are over analysing this somewhat. Send a quick text asking how she is and that you are looking forward to seeing her and could she bring the tenner for you as this week is a bit tight. Job done.

[Youresogolden]

@LordOfTheOnionRings 😮

[Kwiregirl]

I'd wait until the day you meet her and if she has not paid you I'd say something like "oh dear, I have done what you did last time and forgotten my card. You could not let me have that tenner back could you". That way you look less pushy. But it is your money and you must get it back.

[diddl]

[quote Youresogolden]@diddl I wasn’t sure if she may have needed it..they’ve struggled recently due to covid etc (husband is in the entertainment industry) I don’t know, just seemed a bit off to say it with everyone there, I was also a bit confused[/quote]
If she had needed the money she could have asked to borrow it.

Honestly, if it was just a couple of quid for her drink why didn't someone else pay if you were faffing so much?

[ilikemethewayiam]

Does she have form for not repaying money OP? If so I would remind her but if not, I would wait and see. Give her the benefit of the doubt the first time. If she doesn’t bring the cash with her simply hand her your back details and ask her to transfer it by X time and date because you have bills to pay! I couldn’t remain friends with someone who didn’t pay money they owed. I was brought up to always pay debts no matter how small, especially if it’s owed to a friend.

[LoverOfLight]

I wouldn't "ask for it back" literally but I would say hey can you bring me that tenner so I can pay for lunch as I'm a bit skint. It's the truth, it doesn't offend anyone and it's just a normal request. Don't make it a drama but don't be a pushover if it means you would struggle otherwise.

[LoverOfLight]

I would definitely say it in advance though to avoid mortification if she doesn't have it. It's putting both of you on the spot if she doesn't have it. She is your friend after all.

[Bluntness100]

Unless she’s additional needs or some form of mental illness then no one is that scatty op that they also take the change.

So either she’s some form cf or she needed the money.

How much was the change?

[Youresogolden]

@Bluntness100 I’m not sure, she only had a drink, tonic water I think

[osbertthesyrianhamster]

[quote Youresogolden]@Bluntness100 I’m not sure, she only had a drink, tonic water I think[/quote]
She saw you coming. You're not even sure what she had, she took your change and you sat there and didn't say a word, she 'forgot her purse' so should have ordered nothing much less ask someone to pay for her and then take the bloody change, she never asked you for your bank details so she could pay you back asap . . . she's banking on your not having the spine to ask for it back and then it's forgotten.

[LoverOfLight]

She had a tonic water but took around £8 of change (?) even though you paid? I'm confused. If you paid why would she think she would have any change? Did she just pick it up so no one left it on the table?

[Immunetypegoblin]

Really, seriously, ask her in advance over text. That way if she is indeed a Cf then she can have her grump at being called on for cash in private. If she's not a CF then you've lost nothing and will hopefully have got 10 quid back....

ASK

[SunshineCake]

@Youresogolden

But what are people’s thoughts on the situation itself, how it happened? Can you really be that scatty to think the change back is yours, I didn’t get it!
I wondered after if she perhaps needed the money? It’s quite a desperate attempt though, but makes me sad if she was that desperate. Or was it a genuine scatty mistake..or..is she sadly just a cf who knew what she was doing?( sincerely hope it’s not this) how would you have the gall to do that 🙈

The only thing I can think of is she might have thought easier to remember she owes you a straight £10 than the change amount.

But don't say you are skint! She owes you your money back. What if she says she is skint too. Ridiculous.

[SpeakingFranglais]

Look, just go and when you order this time say "I'll have XYZ and new friend is paying as it's her turn this week" - make sure she is in earshot.

...of course, take some money anyway because I'm of the belief that she's a CF and this is a regular habit.

[BrownEyedGirl80]

Anything over a fiver I'd ask

[TellingBone]

Why are people saying OP should say 'sorry but' in their texts? Nothing to be sorry for.

A more elegant solution: text, 'Hi. Instead of bringing me that tenner tomorrow you could just pay for my brunch if you prefer?'

[HumourReplacementTherapy]

C'mon if she's that 'scatty' to think that the change could be hers when someone else paid for her drink then I'd most definitely be texting her to remind her to bring it.
If she's not forthcoming then I'd ask for it in front of everyone.