Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being a dick to ask for the money back?

427 replies

Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:30

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

OP posts:
boomwhacker · 12/06/2021 18:24

I agree that you'll either have to go on about it until you start to look and feel petty or let it go. She is not going to freely pay you back. You need to remember this though. Lend her nothing again.

Hawkins001 · 12/06/2021 19:08

@Youresogolden

I texted last night and she replied late this morning saying she was sorry, she totally forgot but is also really skint and will try to get it back to me as soon as is possible

Now its pissed me off!

She bought a bigger brunch than me, complete with booze whilst I went for a cheaper option and fizzy water

It's strange how people do that, at least settle the debts first
EverythingRuined · 12/06/2021 19:17

@Youresogolden

I texted last night and she replied late this morning saying she was sorry, she totally forgot but is also really skint and will try to get it back to me as soon as is possible

Now its pissed me off!

She bought a bigger brunch than me, complete with booze whilst I went for a cheaper option and fizzy water

Reply with your bank details. Don't let up!
Thiscantreallybehappening · 12/06/2021 19:25

OP you should reply and ask her why if she is skint did she make it priority to buy herself a brunch with booze when she owed you money.

HeronLanyon · 12/06/2021 19:29

Oh - as you had lunch yesterday I didn’t even thing you might be struggling. I’m ok if you want to return a fiver next week and a fiver the week after if that helps you but I’ sorry I really do need it and can’t afford to forget about it.
???

HeronLanyon · 12/06/2021 19:29

I’m really furious on your behalf op. Really shitty of her.

LizzieW1969 · 12/06/2021 20:06

I’ve just seen this thread. At the start, it did appear like a genuine mistake, as she texted you. Now it appears more deliberate and as if she actually stole your change and never intended to pay you back.

You definitely need to shame her into paying her back IMO.

Original poster
Youresogolden · 12/06/2021 21:04

I texted back saying ‘Thanks, I could really do with it as have a huge electricity bill (true) and some other bits’

Still felt a bit of a dick after sending it, sort of petty 🤷🏻‍♀️I don’t know if I’m just lacking backbone or too laid back or what

She didn’t reply to the WhatsApp

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 12/06/2021 21:21

@Youresogolden

I texted back saying ‘Thanks, I could really do with it as have a huge electricity bill (true) and some other bits’

Still felt a bit of a dick after sending it, sort of petty 🤷🏻‍♀️I don’t know if I’m just lacking backbone or too laid back or what

She didn’t reply to the WhatsApp

Don’t feel bad. You’ve done nothing wrong and you don’t have to justify you having your own money back. She didn’t ask to borrow it. You didn’t lend it willingly. At this point she’s stolen it. Someone who can “accidentally” take £10 from someone, and not be able to afford to give it back, shouldn’t be going out anywhere spending anything!
stackemhigh · 12/06/2021 21:32

She never had any intention of paying it back.

Keep chasing the bitch.

DrManhattan · 12/06/2021 21:35

Now you know her true colours, probably worth the tenner to find out. At least she knows you will chase it up, so she will try and leech off someone else next time.

Mellonsprite · 13/06/2021 00:18

@Youresogolden

I texted back saying ‘Thanks, I could really do with it as have a huge electricity bill (true) and some other bits’

Still felt a bit of a dick after sending it, sort of petty 🤷🏻‍♀️I don’t know if I’m just lacking backbone or too laid back or what

She didn’t reply to the WhatsApp

Send your bank details tomorrow if she doesn’t reply. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not the first friend she’s done this to. CF’s rely on others being too nice and embarrassed to bring their piss taking up.
Thiscantreallybehappening · 13/06/2021 00:59

Send your bank details tomorrow if she doesn’t reply. I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not the first friend she’s done this to. CF’s rely on others being too nice and embarrassed to bring their piss taking up.

This is what I was thinking too, OP I doubt you are the first this has happened to.

WeWantAMackerelNotASprat · 13/06/2021 22:25

Don't feel silly about bank details, that's how we always pay each other however small the amount, so much easier!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 13/06/2021 22:31

@Moonshine11

Are we really accusing her of stealing £10? 😂 More than likely a genuine mistake. How didn’t you realise at the time op that you didn’t get any change?
I've come across several folk like this... They're forgetful with lots of people... Will always pay it back 'next timr'... They don't...

And then they suddenly are able to have luxury holidays.... (that the people they've exploited, can't...)

osbertthesyrianhamster · 13/06/2021 22:45

Now you know how she afforded the bigger brunch with booze. I'd send her my bank details, too, because I'd be fucked off. Wouldn't give a fuck about losing her as a 'friend' and if she blanked me after, she can find someone else to fuck over.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan · 14/06/2021 21:47

I just want to know WHERE in the U.K. you can get a big brunch, including booze, and have change from a tenner Grin

Not where I live.... Sad

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 15/06/2021 18:38

Did you get your money back op?!

NewlyGranny · 15/06/2021 22:19

Chubby, I think OP paid with a £20 and the CF dashed to get the change and pocketed it. She must had pockets because she'd forgotten her bag. (Who forgets their bag when they go out?)

diddl · 16/06/2021 10:07

@NewlyGranny

Chubby, I think OP paid with a £20 and the CF dashed to get the change and pocketed it. She must had pockets because she'd forgotten her bag. (Who forgets their bag when they go out?)
She forgot her purse not her bag.
Original poster
Youresogolden · 16/06/2021 14:45

@ChubbyLittleManInACampervan (Great name by the way 🤣) as @NewlyGranny said

OP posts:
Original poster
Youresogolden · 16/06/2021 14:46

@GiveMeAllTheGin8 Nope! Tbf I haven’t seen her yet as we’ve not been out really this week as I’m knackered with Dd 🙄

OP posts:
SquashMinusIsShit · 16/06/2021 14:47

You don't need to see her, text her your bank details or PayPal email address asking her to send it.

Someone a while ago said you can even tell her she can pay £5 this week, £5 next to make it easier as she's so 'skint'

Original poster
Youresogolden · 16/06/2021 15:12

@SquashMinusIsShit I know it’s definitely justified to do that, but I feel so sort of petty doing that, I realise this is my issue!

OP posts:
NewlyGranny · 16/06/2021 15:36

No, it's definitely her issue. There's an exploiter and an exploitee here, and she's the former. I reckon stop up all the exits and give her no excuse not to pay by sharing bank details, PayPal or whatever you and your friends use.

She may be hanging on, hoping you'll drop it but there's absolutely no reason for you to, is there? You aren't dripping with twenties and you aren't a charity, either.

It's a shame there's no emoji of a thumb being rubbed across fingers. I bet there's a meme, though, and after the next lunch I'd send her that.

CF

Swipe left for the next trending thread