Being a dick to ask for the money back?

[Youresogolden]

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

@Mookie81 😳 We we’re seated on different tables (3 separate large tables-covid) and it felt petty to go over and say ‘Oh you can pay for mine’ in front of everyone..perhaps I am a pushover, but that’s awkward to me. I’ll be texting in a bit though

Definitely text. She owes you the money! No doubt she’ll blame how ‘scatty’ she is.

OP,
I'm glad you are going to text.

You need to do this.

Be it 10 or 100 pounds I think she was very rude not to pay pal you the money immediately.

She never paid for her drink and took the change...unbelievable.

Most people would be mortified and rectify this immediately...in the real world I mean.

Good for you, OP. I wonder if she sponged on someone else today? Could be why she wound up on a different table. You sound like a big, cheerful, friendly group. That makes it far too easy for a dishonest and unscrupulous person to work their way through you all.

You’re gonna text to ask for it now? It’s a bit late!

@drawerofwater

You’re gonna text to ask for it now? It’s a bit late!

It's 9.20 on a Friday night?

I didn’t mean time wise… I meant the time to ask for it was the day it happened, or at the latest the next time seeing each other: asking for it now just makes it obvious OP has been stewing over it for days

@Youresogolden

Hi all,

Nope, nothing. Lots of us there today and lots of commotion with the kids around the table and playground. But no offer, I ordered something small anyway and I admit I didn’t want to ask whilst in the middle of chatting with everyone,
I’m thinking she forgot and I’ll just let it go this time 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're not going to get an offer..I've met a lot of cheeky fuckers in my time OP. This one is well rehearsed and she probably always gets away with it the first time. The sheer cheeky brass neck boggles people's head and they have to convince themselves that it was a mistake as they like this person who's done it.

Don't be a pushover. Tell her you want your money back.

Don't fall for it again, no matter what though.

@Youresogolden Yes, text her.

Please don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of again

OP, be aware that lots of posters use mumsnet as their own little soap opera, stirring and encouraging posters to do things to cause drama and report back. Is £10 worth the drama?

...

I think it is worth the drama if you want to call it that. One, because the OP isn't exactly flush, and two, because these people get away with it precisely because no-one challenges them, they think they're being petty so they should just write it off. And it keeps working until there's no-one left to try it on. Why should she keep £10 of the OP's money? Asking her for it isn't a drama, it's a reasonable request.

At the very least, the friend didn't turn up today thinking oh I must pay Youresogolden the £10 I owe her today, or she would have come over to OP's table and given her the money.

@drawerofwater

OP, be aware that lots of posters use mumsnet as their own little soap opera, stirring and encouraging posters to do things to cause drama and report back. Is £10 worth the drama?

This. I doubt whether even half of those baiting the OP to insist on perusing the £10 at this stage would actually do so themselves if in a similar position . Sending bank details is just ridiculous. I think the moment has passed without it becoming awkward. OP, just don’t have any financial dealings with her again.

@drawerofwater

You’re gonna text to ask for it now? It’s a bit late!

Of course it isn't!

The "friend" said that she would repay the next time they met which was yesterday.

@drawerofwater

You’re gonna text to ask for it now? It’s a bit late!

You're right, OP should have messaged her before the meet up yesterday

Nope, the CF has opportunity to give is yesterday but didn’t. So OP should send a text now.

It’s the principle.

Not at all. The other woman said she'd pay it back when they met up so no need to text. Now is the time to send over bank details.

After your update, when she didn’t bring the money, I’d text her politely and say something like:

‘Sorry didn’t get to chat to you much yesterday. Please could you transfer me that tenner you borrowed the other week? I’m a bit short until pay day.’ And include your bank details or PayPal.

She may have completely forgotten or she may be hoping you’ll forget. If the latter and she refuses to transfer the money, I’d go up to her in front of others next meet up and politely ask for the tenner back.

Op once and for all decide whether you are letting it go or not. If not text her. She owes you money. She’s said she owes and will give it to you. She didn’t yesterday despite saying she would. No embarrassment asking for it but you need to be decisive. ‘We forgot yesterday to sort out that tenner from that lunch. I’ll ask you for it next time we meet up. Juggling bills here a bit and realised i forgot too’. Now or never. Either deal with it or put it to bed.

How long do you have to work to earn £10? An hour? Is it really not worth pursuing? Please send her the message as she's not going to repay you without you chasing her.

This is why you should have sent a text before meeting up. There's nothing wrong with sending one now thought. The one suggested earlier is good.

Chances are she has just forgotton a d would be glad of a reminder.

The question is, did she pay for herself yesterday?? Do you think she chose to sit away from you OP?

How long do you have to work to earn £10? An hour? Is it really not worth pursuing?

And that’s probably what the woman is thinking too.

I think it is worth pursuing just out of principle. This woman owes £10 to someone and she should give it back.

She’s probably one of those people who’s all chilled and laid back and thinks people let friends off for stuff like this.
Until the time comes when someone owes her money and she makes sure she gets it back. She’s a chancer and she’s just hoping the op has let it slide, but the other way around I bet she would want it back.

WitchDancer Sorry I misread your comment. I thought you said “is it really worth pursuing?”

You are right to text to remind her OP - I wouldn’t pursue it further - but I would make sure you never pay for her again as you’ll know she’s not the type to repay