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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Being a dick to ask for the money back?

427 replies

Youresogolden · 09/06/2021 13:30

Went out a few weeks ago for mums play date/brunch. I ended up paying for a friend there as she forgot her purse, big confusion as paid for her drink but then she took the change given by the waiter (which was mine) so she owed me £10. She texted later laughing about her mistake and saying we’d have to meet and she’d give it to me. I said no worries etc and left it at that. We’re due to go for another play date/brunch with lots of mums on Friday, arranged by her as she lives nearby. Would I be being a dick to text beforehand asking if she could give me the tenner so I can get brunch for Dd and myself? Or should I wait to see if she offers to pay for it..? She’s very scatty, disorganised and forgetful, so she may have forgotten..just I’m quite skint this week and it would help?

OP posts:

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 11/06/2021 10:17

Possibly as i've had a similar situation. Years ago I went for a meal with partners parents, fairly early on in our relationship and I went to the bar to get a drink after the bill was paid and while waiting a staff member told me that they were going to refund us some money due to us waiting so long and did it would have to be done via a card as that's how the meal was paid and I got my bank card out and he refunded it back to mine. It was totally innocent and unintentionally. It was only when partners Dad mentioned about a month after, that the restaurant never refunded him like they said they would, that I realised my mistake and owned up to it. I was very embarrassed about it and anxious that they may have thought I'd done it on purpose.

Cadent · 11/06/2021 10:21

@MintyMabel

Still unclear why you didn’t ask for the change back.

Still, makes for a better cliffhanger until you meet up and she gives a tinkly laugh and claims she forgot it.

You're being very unfair to OP Minty and troll hunting to boot.

Curious2021 · 11/06/2021 10:22

@Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry What you did was even weirder than what’s happened here I I think!

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 11/06/2021 10:35

Yes it was rather odd and weird but I'm a rather odd and weird person!
I suspect the parents thought I was trying it as they didn't know me well but after 8 yrs of knowing me, they know otherwise!

HeronLanyon · 11/06/2021 10:44

Because you are skint (and she is likely to know that you’re not rolling in it) definitely remind her by text. The longer you don’t the more difficult it can be.
‘Can you bring the tenner from last week - I’m just juggling money this week and I’ll be able to use it for lunch when we meet up?

funinthesun19 · 11/06/2021 10:52

Definitely ask for the money back OP.
I know it’s awkward and I hate stuff like this too, but she knows full well she owes it to you. If she’s forgot then she just needs a reminder. You’ll kick yourself if you don’t ask for it back.
Some people are also chancers and she might be hoping you’ve let it slide and you’re easy going. She might also be like that.

Numnumcookie · 11/06/2021 11:00

Definitely ask for it back. I'm a bit unorganised and scatty so I would reply " yes of course! Thanks for reminding me!" As I'm not a CF. If she's not she'll respond the same.

SquashMinusIsShit · 11/06/2021 11:24

@Numnumcookie

Definitely ask for it back. I'm a bit unorganised and scatty so I would reply " yes of course! Thanks for reminding me!" As I'm not a CF. If she's not she'll respond the same.

Exactly!

Those saying it is rude to text her to remind her, OP said it was weeks ago & if this friend is so 'scatty' then it's highly likely she's forgotten

diddl · 11/06/2021 11:42

@Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry

Yes it was rather odd and weird but I'm a rather odd and weird person! I suspect the parents thought I was trying it as they didn't know me well but after 8 yrs of knowing me, they know otherwise!

Yes-odd not to have fetched the bill payer or told them what had happened immediately & organised to refund them.

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 11/06/2021 11:54

As I explained i was at the bar, they were the other side of the restaurant and I just did it subconsciously. It was a silly mistake. Clearly you have not ever made a silly mistake when not thinking properly then diddl??

eatitgood · 11/06/2021 12:15

You took money onto your card subconsciously...

diddl · 11/06/2021 12:19

@Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry

Yes I'm sure I have.

But I can't imagine not telling someone straight away that money meant for them had gone onto my card.

I can't bear owing money-it preys on my mind until paid back.

I know not everyone feels like that, but to not say anything when you were seeing them again almost immediately-it's hard to imagine that it had gone out of yourmind in that time.

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 11/06/2021 12:24

Yes. I can assure you it was not deliberate. If It was I'd have just keep my mouth shut and keep the money because no one would have known if I hadn't have said. Partners dad mentioned the lack of refund but wasn't going to start calling the restaurant demanding to know what happened. I never noticed an increase in my finances as it was a small amount (£7).

diddl · 11/06/2021 12:26

Not saying it was deliberate, just hard to imagine that you didn't say anything as soon as you went back to them & it took your partner's dad remembering for you to say anything.

Lickedmylollyandneversaidsorry · 11/06/2021 12:31

To my defence I have adhd, which is alot of the reason I am so unorganised and scatty,I had been drinking, which I hardly ever do and not long before had a disagreement with his Mum, hence me going to the bar for a breather and a much needed Gin, so I think these elements massively added to my absent mindedness.

Flyinggeese1 · 11/06/2021 15:20

OP did she pay you back?

Burgess67A · 11/06/2021 16:38

Yes ask for it back. Especially if you’re skint

RattlesnakesUnfold · 11/06/2021 17:36

I think the fact she texted you to apologise for taking your change suggests she fully intends to pay you back?

Moonshine11 · 11/06/2021 18:46

Did she give it back ?

Original poster

Youresogolden · 11/06/2021 20:37

Hi all,

Nope, nothing. Lots of us there today and lots of commotion with the kids around the table and playground. But no offer, I ordered something small anyway and I admit I didn’t want to ask whilst in the middle of chatting with everyone,
I’m thinking she forgot and I’ll just let it go this time 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:

viques · 11/06/2021 20:45

@Youresogolden

Hi all,

Text her now, say

“Hi, great to see everyone wasn’t it? Sorry I didn’t get round to chat with you, especially since when I got home I remembered you said you wanted to give me the £xx from the other week!!! Anyway, here are my bank details so you can transfer it, because knowing us neither of us will remember next time. Have a great weekend, apparently it’s going to be hot. “

osbertthesyrianhamster · 11/06/2021 20:46

@Youresogolden

Hi all,

She didn't forget.

Mookie81 · 11/06/2021 20:51

Fed up of reading about mugs on here, it's ridiculous.
Now you know she stole your money.
No one takes 'change' when they know damn well they didn't put anything in in the first place.
Why didn't you say today when the bill came up 'you can get mine to cover for last time'.

Original poster

Youresogolden · 11/06/2021 20:56

@viques Yes, that was my plan too, definitely texting similar before bed

OP posts:

Original poster

Youresogolden · 11/06/2021 20:57

@osbertthesyrianhamster I’m not sure tbh, don’t know what to think

OP posts:

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