To think everyone who is plus size feels the same way I do?

[cryariver]

Name change for this post.

I’m morbidly obese
I’m 5ft 5” and I weigh 17stone, I’m a size 22.

I haven’t always been this size. Up until a year a ago I was 13 stone and a size 14, which I’d maintained for a long time.

The problem is, I’m incredibly embarrassed by myself and I detest the way I look.

I haven’t seen a lot of friends in over a year, I’ve turned down the opportunity for meet ups because I can’t bare for them to see how I look.

I mentally bully myself every single day and if I said out loud what I said do myself, people would be disgusted.

I hate the relationship I have with food, but food is like a drug to me.
I love how loved, calm, comforted, satisfied and happy it makes me feel when I’m eating, which makes it harder to stop.

I don’t eat at work because I tell myself people will think I’m disgusting, so I just drink water all day and have a big dinner when I get home.

I hate having the use the printer at work because it means I have for walk past people and I’m so disgusted by myself and embarrassed about what people will think of me.

I’m so exhausted from the constant bullying but I don’t know how else to live with looking the way I do.

That’s isn’t ‘morbidly obese’ it’s obese. I am 5’9’’ 16 stone and don’t feel like your description. Yes I need to reduce my weight but it’s not going to control how I live in the meantime.

Can I suggest that you get your thyroid checked. If you are really not eating all day you shouldn’t surely be putting on weight like that in a year. Take care of yourself regardless.

I really feel for you and get it. Please be kinder to yourself. You are not disgusting in any way.
I’m probably not the best person to help as I have a difficult relationship with food but your post made me really sad at how you are treating yourself. Please take care and try and look after yourself. I am not in a great headspace and should take my own advice but small steps and self kindnesses can really help. Even a short walk in the sunshine. You deserve kindness.

No everyone doesn't feel the same way as you. Fat people have only that in common, their weight. Aside from that we are all different and have different feelings about our bodies just like thinner people do. I'm heavier than you and don't feel like you do. Obviously I know I'm not healthy but I have bigger struggles right now than self loathing.

I would echo the suggestion about to get your thyroid checked though, or at the very least talk to your GP because a 4 stone gain in a year potentially had a medical cause.

I hear you. 5ft 6 and 18st here. I have a thyroid issue apparently controlled according to my GP but if I eat anything over about 900 cals a day I put on weight😭 I do not have the strength to live on the poxy carb and dairy free diet suggested so god knows how I'll end up

No, I don't feel like that and I'm actually pissed off that you think I should.

I don’t feel that way and I’m bigger than you.

I’m bigger than you and I don’t feel that way about myself. That sounds like an incredibly painful way to live, and if food is the best way (or the only way) that you know how to manage your emotions, you’re likely stuck in a difficult cycle there.

There is help out there. Maybe look up the binge eating therapist on YouTube or Instagram.

@AlmostSummer21

No, I don't feel like that and I'm actually pissed off that you think I should.

As harsh as that sounds. Yeah. I never did the self loathing thing. So no. Not everyone.

Sorry you feel that way

@BashfulClam

That’s isn’t ‘morbidly obese’ it’s obese. I am 5’9’’ 16 stone and don’t feel like your description. Yes I need to reduce my weight but it’s not going to control how I live in the meantime.

It's morbidly obese on BMI. Morbidly obese aren't just the 600 pound people. For my height morbidly obese starts at 114kg

Oh op you poor thing. That's no way to live. Maybe try and see a therapist, speak to BetterHelp or your GP.

Ugh not BetterHelp. A UK based therapist (assuming that’s where you are) who specialises in disordered eating would be appropriate.

No I don't feel like that. I'm a similar size to you, have a great job, family and friends. I go to the gym and pool. I go out as often as I want and I don't hate myself in the mirror although I wish I l was a lot slimmer of course. I have a lot of good features too. I know I'm not a healthy weight but it doesn't stop me from living my life. My worry is my future health more than my appearance.

It's not right to hate yourself - please be kind to yourself and don't define yourself by your weight.

Nah, they don't. I am obese, and I like my body. Yes, it an ideal world it would be healthier to weight less, but my body has done a number of fabulous things for me and I absolutely don't hate it.

I don't think I look horrific. I look ordinary. Most people look ordinary.

Anyone who thinks my value is in my looks can fuck right off anyway. My fat self has always managed to have adequate friends and sexual partners.

Yadbu to think everyone your size feels the same way - I'm not far off at 5'4, 15 stone and size 18-20 and I actively love my body, dance, sunbathe and swim in a bikini, perform burlesque in public and also do events in a mermaid tail and a shell bra, squishy bits and all. I have no body hangups and I am proud to inspire others to live their life now, and not wait till they are thinner.

Weight loss or gain doesn't change who you are as a person.

Having said all that I'm sorry you're feeling this way as it sounds miserable, and it sounds like it's coming from internally rather than from other people. Can you try saying yes to meeting up with friends to start with? I guarantee they won't notice or care about your weight, they'll still want to be your friend and they'll probably be worrying about their own lockdown weight gain, if my friends are anything to go by.

You are worthwhile and wonderful regardless of what you weigh - for you.

YABU to think everybody feels the same way. I am sorry you feel so unhappy at the moment and hope you find a happier place

@AlmostSummer21

No, I don't feel like that and I'm actually pissed off that you think I should.

Same. Am I supposed to sit around hating myself OP? I'm just fatter than other people, it doesn't make me a terrible person or anything

Well no, I don’t think everyone does. Personally it doesn’t do much for my confidence but no I don’t loath myself as you do (and am a little bigger, slowly loosing).

In the kindest way, you have to snap out of this crap. It’s self destructive but it’s also self indulgent - it may be news to you but no one gives a shit what you look like, because they are all to busy thinking about themselves, just like you. Yes some little bugger on the street might say something rude, but so would they if you had big breasts or were a particular colour. Yes your friends might pass some remark if they haven’t seen you for a while, but if they are good friends they won’t be rude, and if they are they aren’t good friends so dump them.

Now is the time to stop acting like a muppet and get a grip (am I sympathetic, but it pays to realise when one is being an idiot).

• go to your GP and tell them to do all the bloods. Ask for your results and look them up, GPS can be a bit passive about thyroid treatment.
• stop being fucking rude to yourself. It’s destructive and you would never talk to anyone else like that. I’d recommend buying Shahroo Izadi’s the Last Diet - it’s not a diet, it’s a physiological guide to weight loss written by a behaviour change expert. It’s kind and practical.
• start a moderate healthy eating programme. Not eating all day and then gorging is ridiculous, it will be playing havoc with your mood, energy levels, and concentration - no wonder you are taking it out on yourself. I’d recommend buying Rangan Chatterjee’s Loose Weight Feel Great - it’s not a diet book either but a guide to the principles of weight loss, heathy living and mental health management.
• From there make a plan to start to live more healthily. Take it slowly because you are battered and bruised right now. Start with lunch and 2000 steps and build from there. Check on your rest time and your mental health, and gradually challenge your false beliefs about how weight is limiting you - you could start by going to the photocopier and eating lunch. Focus on looking forward not back. And look at a few plus size style blogs and start picking up a few things to make you feel good.

I feel that way and I’m a lot smaller than you. But I accept it’s more about where I am mentally that how I actually look or how much I weigh. And I think if you’ve been slimmer before (as have i) then it’s very hard to love yourself at a larger size as you always have the expectation that you’re not going to stay this size forever, and when you seem to it sucks. But I accept a lot of it is just mindset. And being kind to yourself. And drinking water all day and not eating till dinner time is a sure fire way to cause low sugar crashes and feel even worse.

Yes! This is how I've been feeling recently. I lost a lot of weight last year and put it all back on. Whenever I leave the house, all I can think about is how disgusting I must look and find myself constantly looking at all the slim, stylish women and feeling an utter longing to be like them.
I will never take photos of myself as I look so awful in them.
I have a food addiction and struggle to kick it.
Tonight I started exercising again and am hoping to cut down on snacks tomorrow.

I hope we can both come out the other side of this, slimmer, healthier but more importantly, happier.

Not "yes" as in yes everyone feels this way, "yes" as in I feel this way too x

@Stompythedinosaur

Nah, they don't. I am obese, and I like my body. Yes, it an ideal world it would be healthier to weight less, but my body has done a number of fabulous things for me and I absolutely don't hate it.

I don't think I look horrific. I look ordinary. Most people look ordinary.

Anyone who thinks my value is in my looks can fuck right off anyway. My fat self has always managed to have adequate friends and sexual partners.

This. I’d like to lose some weight and be a bit healthier but it doesn’t stop me doing things or having friends or partners or a life. I don’t beat myself up all day long about it. Life’s too short for that.

I think you maybe need to seek some help about how you are feeling. And make some changes to address your weight if it’s causing you this much pain. I’m sorry to hear you’re living this way, it sounds awful.

I lost four stone before because I was in the mindset to do it. I’d like to again, but it’s not the be all and end all to life and I’m certainly not going to feel miserable about my fatness.

I feel the same OP. Went for a long bike ride today made me feel so much better.

I understand how you feel because I feel the same way about myself, I have recently got a new full length mirror and I hate, hate, hate that reflection, I covered it for a time because I just couldn't stand it.
I don't think it's good to feel this way though, it makes me miserable which means I'm more inclined to say "Fuck it, fat anyway, might as well trough what's in the cupboards!" Which is that vicious cycle isn't it!
Slowly, slowly I'm changing my food habits, eating more fruit and veg, not buying as much of the comforting crap so I can't eat it all in one go. I've done 11k plus steps today, I aim for 10k a day, I don't always hit it but I do more often than not, even if it's walking up and down the garden a dozen times to add steps in!.
This time last year I was walking 20-25k a day and at least 2 stone lighter. I want to be back to that at the least.

I hate pictures of me, catching sight of myself etc, I had to watch some CCTV the other day and I was mortified, so I get it.
But
I don't think everyone feels that way about themselves, and I've been this big before and not felt like this, I think it's more about where I am mentally at the moment and I'm blaming my weight tbh, but I do know I'll feel better physically if I'm lighter and fitter.
I need to start being kind to myself and so do you, it's only when you like yourself that you'll be invested in losing weight for the right reasons.
I know how hard this is, I'm sorry you're going through it too.

I am obese too. I'd rather be slim but I enjoy food too much. Buy nice clothes (yes it's harder when you're bigger) but ditch the shapeless oversized t shirts. Get your nails done and a good haircut if you can afford it. Nice makeup if you use it. You are.so much more than your weight.

It's maybe not.about weight. If you were a size 10 I guess you'd be beating yourself up about something else.