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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think everyone who is plus size feels the same way I do?

163 replies

cryariver · 08/06/2021 23:27

Name change for this post.

I’m morbidly obese Confused
I’m 5ft 5” and I weigh 17stone, I’m a size 22.

I haven’t always been this size. Up until a year a ago I was 13 stone and a size 14, which I’d maintained for a long time.

The problem is, I’m incredibly embarrassed by myself and I detest the way I look.

I haven’t seen a lot of friends in over a year, I’ve turned down the opportunity for meet ups because I can’t bare for them to see how I look.

I mentally bully myself every single day and if I said out loud what I said do myself, people would be disgusted.

I hate the relationship I have with food, but food is like a drug to me.
I love how loved, calm, comforted, satisfied and happy it makes me feel when I’m eating, which makes it harder to stop.

I don’t eat at work because I tell myself people will think I’m disgusting, so I just drink water all day and have a big dinner when I get home.

I hate having the use the printer at work because it means I have for walk past people and I’m so disgusted by myself and embarrassed about what people will think of me.

I’m so exhausted from the constant bullying but I don’t know how else to live with looking the way I do.

OP posts:
lap90 · 09/06/2021 13:30

There are clearly lots of confident plus size people who are not hiding away but are out and about enjoying their life and not mulling over how vile they might think they look.

I see the whole 'body positivity' movement is popular now more than ever.

Marylou2 · 09/06/2021 13:35

@logincard

I feel like you. But I am 5'2 an weigh 8 stone 7lbs My BMI is normal. but I feel disgusting if i eat and i am aware I have a big problem. I'm writing this just so you know its not about your weight, its about how you feel about yourself
This is an excellent point. I think people of all sizes struggle with body image. Just as some people who are obese don't seem to. I think I'll love my body if I lose another 30lbs but maybe I won't.
Somethingsnappy · 09/06/2021 14:07

@fantastaballs

How dare you suggest that all fat B people are hideous and hate themselves. Not l at ALL. Ever. I bloody love me and and my body. Is it a bit far? Yeah it is. But I still love my body. I like the way I look. Keri your fat misery to yourself op. I'm 17 stone and happy.
You need to read the thread and all OP's posts.
Mankini · 09/06/2021 14:28

OP, try something like Balance Box (I am not a rep - I just used it over lockdown and lost weight!) to get your body back on track and stop the starve / stuff routine. It's great for showing you what a portion size should look like - something the modern world seems to be out of touch with. It was an eye opener for me! Plus it keeps your blood sugar even over the day so you'll feel better and your mental health will improve. Tell yourself you'll stick to it rigidly for just two weeks, add in some walking, and see how it goes.

Dannyandsandy · 09/06/2021 15:07

I’m 5’8 and weight 10.7 stone. I am healthy on the bmi scale but have feelings of absolute disgust about myself everyday. I don’t think weight and self esteem are hugely interlinked

sadperson16 · 09/06/2021 15:56

get along to weight watchers, or slimming world and relearn how to eat

Yes get along to some that under no circumstances will publish data about long term success.
Its utter rubbish.

DelilahDingleberry · 09/06/2021 16:11

@Bluntness100 You perhaps missed my initial response to the OP on page 1.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/06/2021 19:33

Completely by chance my friend just sent a post to me on FB which is utterly brilliant- hilarious but bang on true.

Here’s the link www.facebook.com/100044505816583/posts/342789050547953/?d=n

Just in case that doesn’t work I’ll paste it in full below. I know it’s long but it’s worth reading.

“IMPORTANT MESSAGE! OK, so it's also a bit of a schmaltzy one, but we used to do a poster like this back in the day and I think it bears repeating. Especially as it's hotter than the Devil's cock out there. It's a long post, but it's a good one.

If you have a body, you're beach-body ready. It's a cliche repeated ad nauseam at the moment, but I wish it would sink in for people. Every body has imperfections, everybody has insecurities. But covering yourself up because you're worried what a stranger may think of your wobbly bits is a pointless, endless exercise.

And here's why, using a visualisation technique I read about ages ago. Did you go out yesterday or the day before to the shops? If so, can you bring to mind a single person you passed in the street? This technique doesn't work if you sucked them off or robbed their handbag, mind. Can you describe what they were wearing? How their fat rolls looked under their clothes? Their skinny ankles? Did they need a shave?

Chances are you can't, unless you're a right nebby get. And that's the thing: encounters with strangers are fleeting, transient moments. For all you worry people will be looking at you, do you yourself look at them for more than a second or two before they're lost from your thoughts? Why are you so special, so wonderfully grotesque, that you think you'll lodge in their brains forevermore? You won't.

Because, and I say this nicely, you're just not that important. None of us are. The only people whose opinion you should court - and arguably not even those, because confidence comes from you - are those who care for you. Listen to their compliments rather than expecting criticism. Don't bounce compliments away but take them graciously the best you can. My best friend taught me that lesson, after I spent months telling him to get lost any time he said something nice.

If a stranger makes a snarky remark, which honestly, chances are they wouldn't, then why take it to heart? Imagine being such a miserable fuckface that your joy comes from knocking others down. They may seem confident as they sneer but I'd wager good money they'll be crippled with their own insecurities.

And ultimately, those type of people die alone with cats chewing their faces and the lack of self-awareness to realise the phone never rings because people don't want to spend their time with arseholes who knock others down. It's exhausting. They'll want to spend time with you: confident, happy, fun to be around, but more importantly, being your best self. So balls to whatever anyone else thinks about you: go out and show your bits and get your gebs out and bloody enjoy yourself. Confidence is the sexiest trait of all - and confidence only comes from experience.

And look, I give this advice with experience myself. I've never looked at myself in a mirror and liked what looks back. My face is alright, but the body looks like someone dashed together two people from the odds-and-ends bin and stuck them in a loose skin suit. I have a back as hairy as an Afghan Hound. I tan terribly, ending up with Fruit Salad arms. Bits that are supposed to be toned run away from me when I move and I'm fairly sure we lost a cat somewhere indiscreet a few years ago.

But, when it comes to strangers - whether on the beach or on the streets or even posting on here - negative opinion on how I look counts for nothing. It took me a good few years to get to that point, with previous summers spent cutting about in a BHS long wool coat in case anyone made a crack about my tits. But seeing how Paul looks at me, and how good friends don't, made me realise I was wasting my life and opportunities worrying about something that simply didn't matter. This summer, if you can, I hope you can do the same.

Because, if we can take one key thing away from this, none of us are as important to strangers as we are all guilty of assuming we are. Enjoy your summer, be yourself, wear sunscreen, and live your life.

J&P

PS: extra note for the blokes out there. There's equally no pressure on you to walk around with a body (to quote Clive James on Arnold Schwarzenegger) like a 'condom full of walnuts'. A big beer belly, salami-nipples, hairy bits, dad-bod: there's so many of us who like that. Just sayin'”

AmIPeriOrAreYouJustAnnoying · 09/06/2021 20:05

@Hankunamatata 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
*
I'm a size 18/20. Ok I'd love to be smaller but then I love food, socialising and living life. I don't hate myself or feel embarrassed. My husband like what he see's and he has seen me all sizes. I buy clothes I love and feel suit me.

Years ago i would have felt like you but since turning 40 iv found I contentment iv never had before.*

LeopardHawk · 09/06/2021 20:33

@ExhaustedFlamingo
And ultimately, those type of people die alone with cats chewing their faces and the lack of self-awareness to realise the phone never rings because people don't want to spend their time with arseholes who knock others down

Good to know that elderly people who die desperately alone only have themselves to blame.

What a charming message.

ExhaustedFlamingo · 09/06/2021 21:11

@LeopardHawk

I don't even know how to respond to such a deliberately obtuse and miserable comment.

That's not what it says.

It's not what it implies.

Clearly some people are desperately unlucky to end up alone through no fault of their own.

Conversely, some people end up alone because they are complete and utter shit-heads to everyone. You only need to read the threads about toxic parents in here to see how many adults end up going no-contact with their parents. So yes, some people bring in on themselves.

And quite aside from everything else, quoting one comment out of context from an article to be deliberately offended isn't helpful. The article is full of sarcastic, cutting humour - if it's not your style, feel free to scroll past.

We're all trying to be uplifting to the OP and that's why I shared the article. Please don't hijack it with your negativity.

EmeraldShamrock · 10/06/2021 01:35

And here's why, using a visualisation technique I read about ages ago. Did you go out yesterday or the day before to the shops? If so, can you bring to mind a single person you passed in the street? This technique doesn't work if you sucked them off or robbed their handbag, mind. Can you describe what they were wearing? How their fat rolls looked under their clothes? Their skinny ankles? Did they need a shave?
Very clever. I don't remember anyone I passed.

Arbadacarba · 10/06/2021 07:07

@EmeraldShamrock

And here's why, using a visualisation technique I read about ages ago. Did you go out yesterday or the day before to the shops? If so, can you bring to mind a single person you passed in the street? This technique doesn't work if you sucked them off or robbed their handbag, mind. Can you describe what they were wearing? How their fat rolls looked under their clothes? Their skinny ankles? Did they need a shave? Very clever. I don't remember anyone I passed.
Doesn't work for me as I'm a consummate people watcher. Grin I last went into town on Saturday and I could describe at least 5 people I passed in detail, including my private opinion of their clothes and general appearance.
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