To think everyone who is plus size feels the same way I do?

[cryariver]

Name change for this post.

I’m morbidly obese
I’m 5ft 5” and I weigh 17stone, I’m a size 22.

I haven’t always been this size. Up until a year a ago I was 13 stone and a size 14, which I’d maintained for a long time.

The problem is, I’m incredibly embarrassed by myself and I detest the way I look.

I haven’t seen a lot of friends in over a year, I’ve turned down the opportunity for meet ups because I can’t bare for them to see how I look.

I mentally bully myself every single day and if I said out loud what I said do myself, people would be disgusted.

I hate the relationship I have with food, but food is like a drug to me.
I love how loved, calm, comforted, satisfied and happy it makes me feel when I’m eating, which makes it harder to stop.

I don’t eat at work because I tell myself people will think I’m disgusting, so I just drink water all day and have a big dinner when I get home.

I hate having the use the printer at work because it means I have for walk past people and I’m so disgusted by myself and embarrassed about what people will think of me.

I’m so exhausted from the constant bullying but I don’t know how else to live with looking the way I do.

I am 12+ stones at 5'1" so am obese but not morbidly so. I eat crap because I cba cooking proper meals and don't do anywhere near enough exercise.

I don't like my appearance, especially my middle, but I don't focus on it.

It sounds corny and stupid but to look after yourself you have to like yourself and if you struggle to do that alone then some sort of counselling may help.

Nope, not all of us feel that way. I would like to be a little smaller because it would make it easier to buy clothes/ sewing patterns without needing to adjust them. But I'm not horrified or disgusted by my body, and I don't worry about what other people think of it, or feel like I have to hide it. If it's hot I will wear weather appropriate clothing, and if someone is offended by the sight of my fat body then they can fuck off honestly.

@AlmostSummer21

No, I don't feel like that and I'm actually pissed off that you think I should.

Same

I am 5 ft 4 and 12 stone 10. I have tipped into the obese category on bmi. That has pulled me up sharp but I am still having a battle with the biscuit tin. If I didn’t have DC at home who is very slim I would have no biscuits in the house and will stop buying them in a few years when he leaves home but this is pathetic - I can’t wait that long. I lost 2 stone five years ago at slimming world but over the next few years put it all back plus another stone. I really need to lose 2 and a half stone now. I have had a better week this week and intend to move on positively. I have had to accept that I need a larger size in clothing. Got size 16 skinny jeans and I look great in them with a pair of hells on. Slimming ones from next. I have a few tops that are cut looser but nicely and so I don’t hate myself as I look ok, but you can tell I’ve put the weight on by looking at my face.
I don’t want to spend ££ on size 16 clothes but I’ve told myself I need to get a few things that I will look good in while the weight goes off as it will be slow.
And then I have to change my relationship with food. I see it as a reward. Mark ten essays - eat a couple of biscuits. Mark ten more - another couple of biscuits. I’m eating when I’m not hungry.
How go I get back to the 9 stone 30 year old (20+ years ago) or is that impossible?
Slimming world did work but I’d had enough of going every Saturday so I don’t think that is my way forward.
One thing I have thought of goes against other principles. I’ve never wanted. Tv in the bedroom but my eating is worse at night when I’m downstairs. If I had a tv upstairs I’d probably be too lazy to get up and go downstairs to get snacks - so I’m considering that.
OP, you need to try to move away from the bad thoughts about yourself. I’ve taken the view that I have it in my power to do something about this. Start by eating sensibly at work and perhaps find ways of avoiding the evening snacking if that is your bad moment. But I don’t think you’ll get anywhere by hating yourself - that’s not a good place to be. Remind yourself of what you can do, what good qualities you do have and take it from there.
Apologies for the long post - this has struck a chord with me. Thank you for the thread and I wish you all the best.

@Merryoldgoat Thank goodness for wise grandmothers!

And thanks for the post, I shall remember those words.

That really is the kind voice you want in your head.

As you can see by other posts, not everyone plus sized feels this way. I think when you have issues with yourself it stems so much deeper than being just because of your weight.

When I was obese I felt exactly like you. I could have wrote your post. I lost weight and threw myself into the gym and now I’m incredibly physically fit and a size 8. Once I stopped fixating on my weight I became obsessed with my skin and saw a dermatologist privately. I fixed that and now I hate my teeth, I don’t even like smiling incase someone sees them. It’s like as soon as I fix one thing, I discover something new. I’m currently in therapy to help the way I feel about myself and have discovered these feelings are very deep routed. I wouldn’t put all my hope on feeling better if you lost weight because in my personal experience it doesn’t work like that. You need to work at being kind to yourself.

"The only person that bullies me is myself.

It’s horrible being inside my own mind and the disgusting things I say to myself on daily."

OP, I find repeating "Your mind is not your best friend" is helpful. You can stand back from your mind and observe the destructive thinking dispassionately, from, say a place of curiosity....You then separate the thoughts from the emotion.
Just because we have these thoughts doesn't make them true. Your mind betrays you. Step back, acknowledge the thoughts, challenge them then dismiss them as malicious and destructive. You are not your thoughts.
Good luck

People don't all feel the same, just because they have one thing in common.

OP I'm the exact same height and weight as you and I feel exactly the same. I hate myself, I also imagine doing horrible things to myself and I feel as though I am worth nothing. I'm trying to be better but it's so hard. When feeling so depressed food is the comfort that gives me that little lift of happiness.

I will recommend a book called the Beck Diet Solution. It helped me before and I'm reading it again now. Its a CBT approach to weight loss and helps you change your mindset.

I hope you can start to feel better about yourself OP. I feel hypocritical because I want to tell you that you are worthy and you are not disgusting, but then I think those exact things about myself!

Feel free to PM me for support .

@DelurkingAJ

Can I suggest that you get your thyroid checked. If you are really not eating all day you shouldn’t surely be putting on weight like that in a year. Take care of yourself regardless.

OP could easily put on that weight if she is binge eating at home.

OP, you might benefit from going to a therapist about the way you feel about yourself. You have developed extreme negative self-talk and that is compounding your problems as, as you say, you comfort eat to give you temporary respite from those feelings. A good therapist really helped me (if your therapist isn't helping you with practical suggestions and challenging your thinking by the second session at least, I would move to a different therapist. Many therapists are kind people but lack the skills to really help. They just take your dosh and listen sympathetically. You don't want one like that).

I used to eat for emotionally reasons and binge ate too. You can recover from this OP. If your head is in a place where you haven't the resilience to start addressing your eating, a good therapist could help you with this.

I hear you, OP. I'm a similar size and shape and am utterly miserable with it. Though something snapped last week and I've made a really determined effort with my eating. 16/8 works well for me because it cuts out the non stop evening snacking.

You can get past it - you need to stop loathing yourself and start loving yourself. You're you, unique and everyone has good qualities and features to focus on instead of the negative. You just need to find them

@DelurkingAJ

Can I suggest that you get your thyroid checked. If you are really not eating all day you shouldn’t surely be putting on weight like that in a year. Take care of yourself regardless.

Is that not exactly why she is struggling, she starves herself all day and then eats for comfort in the evening, so her body goes into starvation mode and has impacted her fat burning ability.

OP please don't beat yourself up, eating small healthy meals often will bring results but it sounds like you need help with the reasons you eat, maybe try CBT

Good luck

I feel pretty down on myself and am depressed. I do understand how that leads to not being able to move forward with taki g action. My self worth and self esteem are extremely low and a lot of the things about my appearance tend to be reinforced by others as well.

As you like food and eating do get your bloods checked for anything. But perhaps something to build up your self esteem? Counselling or therapy? It's a step I need to take but do struggle to take. I hope you can take the positive steps as I am sure you deserve to be happy in yourself x

I'm a size 18/20. Ok I'd love to be smaller but then I love food, socialising and living life. I don't hate myself or feel embarrassed. My husband like what he see's and he has seen me all sizes. I buy clothes I love and feel suit me.

Years ago i would have felt like you but since turning 40 iv found I contentment iv never had before.

I get it, Op. I absolutely loathe the way I look. Although I'm much fitter than I have been in years (jogging 11-12k a week), I'm still about 15 stone. I cannot give up food. It's such an emotional crutch for me.

I also tend to feel worse when the weather heats up.

Ah op, you poor pet - it sounds like you’re really overly harsh on yourself You must try to boost your self esteem. Pick a day that you’re feeling more resilient and do one kind thing to yourself. Whether that is a new hair do, walk in the park, something like that.
And plan. Plan the way you are going to change your outlook. You may rethink how you eat and your diet in general. Also, instead of berating yourself every day, think of something nice to say to yourself and repeat it like a mantra. Repeat until you believe it. Sounds a bit woo woo but this is within your power to change. Find what works for you.
Yoga is my thing. I ain’t miss skinny by any stretch but the main premise is to be kind and accepting of oneself and work from that.

OP asked 'AIBU to think everyone who is plus size thinks the way I do'
Don't be surprised, or shouty, that OP got answers.

Right, but she didn’t say everyone who is plus size should think as she does which is what she is being accused of.

If someone is plus sized and reads the OP as if it is having a go at them, perhaps they aren’t as comfortable with themselves as they claim they are.

I read it as someone who is overweight and is struggling with their own self image. I’m a similar size to the OP and don’t feel that way at all. Nothing in that post makes me think I should be feeling the same as she does. I am working on weighloss because of a recent diagnosis of pre-diabetes, but I’m comfortable with my self image.

I am a 20/22 and no, I don't bully myself or feel disgusting etc.

Your mental health and self worth shouldn't rely on what dress size you are.

Also, as an aside, BMI is utter nonsense.

Op I could have written your post I'm overweight and like you am an emotional eater, I've yoyo 'd with my weight for 10 years losing and gaining it's taken me a long time to realise that if anything is ever going to change I need to fix my mentality first,I've currently started a new diet and it's going really well but I think a lot of it is because I'm trying to change the way I view food and am realizing that a number on the scale doesn't define me,I'm trying to learn to love myself the way I am. Its so sad to hear the way you talk about yourself please be kind to yourself. Start with baby steps,and please stop starving yourself during the day!no one is thinking you are disgusting I guarantee you no one is judging you as harshly as you are yourself!x

I’m morbidly obese. I’m 5ft 5” and I weigh 17stone, I’m a size 22.

Me too. But no, I don’t feel like you do at all. If other people are fatphobic, that’s on them, but I am not going to let anyone tell me to hate myself or my body. I know what I look like in clothes and naked, and it’s fine. I know that I am much more than the way I look and that’s what people care about. I know that I deserve nice clothes and pink hair as much as anyone else. I know I feel better when I’ve been swimming or to the gym, so I go. I know how much room I take up and I don’t apologise for it.

OP, please try to be as kind to yourself as you would be to anyone rlse.

I don’t understand why when reading rhe ops unhappy post some people feel the need to twist it to attack her, she’s clearly not saying she thinks everyone should feel this way or she’s judging others, simoly this is how she feels about her self.

@Bluntness100

I don’t understand why when reading rhe ops unhappy post some people feel the need to twist it to attack her, she’s clearly not saying she thinks everyone should feel this way or she’s judging others, simoly this is how she feels about her self.

Exactly. Anyone who reads the OP and feels the need to attack OP on the basis of it is either semi literate or insanely defensive and clearly not happy about themselves (and just less honest about it than OP).

How many hours are you at work and you really dont eat a thing?

I'm so sorry OP. I can understand how exhausting it must feel to be bullied by your own head. I am not overweight, but have another "vice" and the things I say to myself when I succumb to temptation is hideous. It is hard to know whether the answer is to learn to love yourself being overweight or to absolutely keep insisting to yourself that you change and not accept yourself how you are so you do something about it Not sure if that makes sense, sorry.