To think everyone who is plus size feels the same way I do?

[cryariver]

Name change for this post.

I’m morbidly obese
I’m 5ft 5” and I weigh 17stone, I’m a size 22.

I haven’t always been this size. Up until a year a ago I was 13 stone and a size 14, which I’d maintained for a long time.

The problem is, I’m incredibly embarrassed by myself and I detest the way I look.

I haven’t seen a lot of friends in over a year, I’ve turned down the opportunity for meet ups because I can’t bare for them to see how I look.

I mentally bully myself every single day and if I said out loud what I said do myself, people would be disgusted.

I hate the relationship I have with food, but food is like a drug to me.
I love how loved, calm, comforted, satisfied and happy it makes me feel when I’m eating, which makes it harder to stop.

I don’t eat at work because I tell myself people will think I’m disgusting, so I just drink water all day and have a big dinner when I get home.

I hate having the use the printer at work because it means I have for walk past people and I’m so disgusted by myself and embarrassed about what people will think of me.

I’m so exhausted from the constant bullying but I don’t know how else to live with looking the way I do.

I’m only about a stone overweight but I can be very self critical.

However, I’m only able to lose weight when I’m being kind to myself so your self loathing is really counterproductive.

Think to yourself: I deserve to be treated well and I’m going to feed myself these healthy nutritious meals because I am worthy.

And drinking water all day and not eating till dinner time is a sure fire way to cause low sugar crashes and feel even worse.

It’s good to give your tummy a rest. It won’t hurt to stop eating for 8 hours. Just don’t go mad when you do eat. Have a meal. Have a pudding. Stop.

I would agree that positive change only happens when you feel positive. Do it for health reasons ie blood sugars , that is easy to measure and makes a difference in days rather than weeks.

The self hatred is creating the wound you then must heal with food. It's like smoking -- though you feel like it satisfies, it actually only creates the desire for the next one. The addictive cycle you are caught in can only be broken by giving up the self hate.

Treat your body like a friend. Take her to the doctor. Tell her you are worried about her and wrap her in a soft blanket. You would never treat a friend this way, would you. You would never treat anyone this way. That's not who you are, really. You're not this unkind bully and you can stop doing it.

Good luck

I'm 3 stone overweight and am working on losing it, but no way does it interfere with my daily life in the way you describe OP.

You need to give yourself a break. Self-loathing will never be helpful to weight loss.

Embrace your good qualities that are not weight related. Once you learn to love yourself you will be able to lose the weight.

The problem you have is more your own non-acceptance of your body. Not everyone feels like you do, not by any means.

I'm 5'6" and I'm size 24. Yes I'd like to be smaller, abut at the moment this is "me". I don't bully myself, I don't hate myself. I accept that this is how I am and I work with that.

I wear nice clothes, and always have my hair and makeup looking good. I have a great family life, love my job, go out socially and don't spend my time thinking I look awful .

I'm sorry if you are having problems with this - good luck on your journey.

Loose weight?

I feel the same as you, OP. The self hatred is immense and I torture and bully myself every minute of every day. I don't know how to start in fixing it. I have a loving partner, a fab job, a nice house, but I can't get my mind in the right place to make the drastic changes needed.

The problem you have is with your thoughts. I am 5’ 7”, used to weigh 15 stone, lost weight via healthy eating and exercise and for the last 20 years have maintained a weight of 9 stone. I still hate my body. At one point after losing weight I became anorexic. I too have an healthy relationship with food and now with exercise (I can over run when stressed). Although I eat healthy I control my portions carefully. I’m not ‘stealth bragging’ about my weight loss. I’m saying this to show you losing weight isn’t the answer. I have had CBT and that helped somewhat but I’ve been on Sertraline for a year and that’s helped me more than anything. Good luck and be kind to yourself.

I’m sorry if I’ve offended people with my post.
I definitely was not saying anyone “should” feel this way.
I’m not suggesting that people of a certain weight should be unhappy or hate themselves

I’m asking if other people do actually feel this way, the same way I do.

I look at other people who are a similar size to me and they look fabulous, I woke with a lady who’s bigger than me but she always looks so damn good!
I often wonder if inside she’s hurting as much as I am or if she’s genuinely as happy as she looks, because truly I am envious of her.

I’m so consumed by how I think others will judge me for my weight. I literally hate myself.

For anyone who has issues with weight and disordered eating.
Have a look at Overeaters Anonymous. It will get to the route of issues.
It is important to be loving to yourself to OP - being harsh and critical will not help. Silence your inner critic. It just becomes a cycle - self loathing - eating - self loathing - eating.
Look at OA = good luck.

Feel absolutely the same as you OP

OP, it sounds like you don’t like/judge fat people and are quite shocked to find yourself among their number.

Your body size actually doesn’t say very much, if anything, about you as a person and if you can understand that and apply it to yourself and others you may feel better.

It seems to me that the opposite is true. I'm overweight and hate how it makes me feel and look, but all around me I see bigger women positively gushing with "self love" and "body positivity". I don't know how they do it.

@PairOfPears

it sounds like you don’t like/judge fat people and are quite shocked to find yourself among their number.

That’s absolutely not true. More that I worry people won’t like / will judge me because of my size.

I feel like I will only be accepted if I look a certain way.

I had bariatric surgery OP because my weight was just going up every year and lost 9 stone, it is the only way I could lose weight.

I am definitely more content when I am a healthy weight and the further I am away from that, the less content I feel. In adult life, my weight has fluctuated between 8 stone and 15 stone and I'm 5'4. Even when I am slim, I'm not very attractive, so my weight in a sense makes no difference to how I'm perceived. But it's physically uncomfortable to be obese, and depressing when clothes I like don't fit me any more; I lack energy, I'm prone to skin rashes and chafing and feeling too hot. I would say it tarnishes my life more than ruins it.

You poor thing, nobody should feel this way about themselves.
You need counselling to break the link with emotional eating and get your thyroid checked as you should actually lose weight on one meal a day.
OP, can you start viewing food as fuel? Try to think about it only in terms of health.. I’m having this fruit and yoghurt for breakfast because it will give me vitamins X, Y, Z, this massive chicken salad/soup for lunch will give me three portions of veg etc etc…
I do this, I add up my portions of fruit and veg and it really helps. I also have one serving of crisps or chocolate every day as one portion is not that high in calories.
Doing all this, I lose weight.
Do you drink booze? Try to have it just at the weekends

I'm a bit offended by this actually. I'm obese too, but I certainly don't think I'm disgusting. Nor do I think you or anyone else who is obese is.

If you feel so badly about yourself, you're the only person who can do anything about it.

I’ve put three stone on during lockdown. I’m four inches taller than you so probably carry it easier, but I’m not impressed with myself though.
I’ve decided wallowing in self pity won’t help me at all (it would be easy to do that). I’m back at the gym, calorie counting and counting my steps. I don’t buy anything other than real food and no crap and I’ve cut out eating in between meals. I know if I do that, I’ll have lost the weight by autumn.

If you hate the way you look the best thing you can do is confront it and take action. Hiding away isn’t going to change it. I would also stop starving yourself at work. It messes with your metabolism. There’s no reason why you shouldn’t be eating lunch, regardless of your size.

Could you seek professional help for your relationship with food. I think the way you feel probably says more about your mindset than your size, as not everyone who is bigger feels that way. Please don’t think all is lost and you’re destined to be this way forever, if you hate being this way. We all have the power to take action if we’re not happy.

I woke with a lady who’s bigger than me but she always looks so damn good!

I feel like I will only be accepted if I look a certain way.

Do you see the contradiction here? You think the lady at work looks damn good even though she's bigger than you- yet you feel you'll only be accepted if you look a certain way.

Why is it one rule for you and one rule for other big people? Are you not as worthy as them?

I’m so exhausted from the constant bullying but I don’t know how else to live with looking the way I do.

Who is bullying you ? Just yourself ?

I am significantly fatter than you, and I have days where I get so annoyed at my ability to procrastinate when it comes to losing weight, I could have lost all the weight I need to lose, or at the very least made a significant difference, if I had actually started trying at any point in the last six months.

I don't hate myself and I am not disgusted by my body, it valiantly does all the things it is supposed to do on a daily basis with very little complaint, although I strongly suspect my knees would hate me if they were sentient beings

What has changed over the last year @cryariver ? You were able to maintain your weight and then suddenly you are seeking comfort in eating, why ? Or did you put a bit of weight on, hated yourself for it and then ate more and hated yourself more and ended up in a downward spiral ?

OP was asking if others in her situation felt the same, she was not saying they should feel like that. Talk about kicking someone when they are down.

OP if you maintained one weight for a long time and have suddenly gained a few stone and you are not happy about it then it will effect your confidence and self esteem.

Try taking baby steps and maybe just try going for a couple of short walks a day and try to incorporate lots of fruit and veg in your day, once you start to feel a bit better you might then feel like starting to slowly reduce the amount of food and increase the walks etc.

If you are too embarrassed to seek
professional help, maybe look on Amazon, there are lots of self help books regarding emotional eating. Maybe start off with that until you feel like you can ask for some help.

Do you have anyone at home you can talk to right now about this?

@BadgerWatch

I hear you. 5ft 6 and 18st here. I have a thyroid issue apparently controlled according to my GP but if I eat anything over about 900 cals a day I put on weight😭 I do not have the strength to live on the poxy carb and dairy free diet suggested so god knows how I'll end up

Go and see an endocrinologist (probably have to do so privately though). GPs are bloody hopeless with caper like this.

No, I don't feel that way at all. I've been slowly losing weight doing 16:8 and that's good, but I do it for my health and not because I hate myself. I'll happily wear what I want, go on the beach or swimming and not give a shit what people think.

I’m very similar to you Op, even though i exercise regularly to keep it under some kind of control, I’m constantly aware that I’m always the fattest person in the room. I’ve also noticed that I think about food constantly, which is annoying when spending a long time with other people. Don’t know what the answer is but no, you’re not alone in feeling like you do 😩