Is anyone here NC with a parent(s)?

[4wardnc]

If so, how long for and are you at peace with your decision?

Any regrets?

Considering doing the same and looking for perspectives.

Not anymore but I didn’t speak to my mum for 3 years, you could go low contact if instead if that’s an option?

Yes, just over 2 years now. I wish I had done it 20 years ago! No more dreading the phone calls, visits, insults etc

Yes for over 8 years. It was the best decision I ever made.

Yes. Both parents. Went through a lot of pain to get to the final decision. My mental health is much better now.
Obviously I regret it but I did feel that I had tried everything that I could to no avail.

I have just gone NC with my mil of 30 years. When I regret it I remember her constantly passing and trampling over the boundaries I laid out just before the NC.

My mother is another matter. She is a toxic abuser and I feel worse going NC as it builds up the fear of contacting her in the future. She is sneaky abusive where as MIL is "I say it as I see it" plain rude. Mil in some ways is lot less dangerous to me. Like a yapping dog I can shut a door on.

Mum is like a constrictor snake. If I dont have her in sight she will sneak up on me and slowly strangle me again.

I dont think theres a right or wrong. NC with mil possibly wont be forever. Low contact with mum keeps her at a safe arms length without pissing her right off

Thank you for the replies, they're very helpful.

I'm particularly reassured to read that cutting contact has been helpful for posters mental health, as that is one of the contributing factors for me considering it myself. They are toxic to my mental health.

I think the problem with low contact, for me, is that having any contact at the minute is stressing me out. Every time we've spoken over the last 4 or 5 occasions I've just got stressed.

Absolutely. That's how I explain it to people. It was all very sad and unnecessary but ultimately it was either cut contact or drive my car into a brick wall.

Yes. Only regret is I shouldn't have let said parent worm their way back in the last time. The damage they've done snowballed each time. No part of me would have them back.

@4wardnc

I think the problem with low contact, for me, is that having any contact at the minute is stressing me out. Every time we've spoken over the last 4 or 5 occasions I've just got stressed.

Actually after 3 years NC I feel better placed to deal with contact if I HAD to. Previously I just could not turn off the anxiety and pain at every contact.

My mother is a narc
My family are so far up her arse it’s unreal
It was either her or me-I chose me and been nc with the lot of them for just over ten years-they tried to trash my reputation so badly I moved over 100 miles away
Zero fucks given-I let them eat themselves up with hate and jealousy while I get on living my life without them

I'm NC with my mother since I was 16. I'm now 31 and 100% happy with my decision. I've since had a DS (21 months) and have #2 on the way. I did wonder if having children would change my perspective but I feel the same now as I did then.

If anything I'm even more sure of my decision now because I want to protect my children from any negative/toxic influences, so it's easy to know I've done the right thing for all of us.

I'm also NC with my birth father as he was completely absent as I was growing up.

I'm low contact with my stepfather (he's the one who mostly raised me). He's a nice person but he suffers from depression, alcoholism and can be very self-absorbed(probably a side effect of the depression). It can be really exhausting spending any amount of time with him but he adores his grandson and as I said, he is a nice person. Just need to keep him to small doses and we can get along just fine.

Yes, for 12 or 13 years and it's been lovely.

You may want to search for a loooong-running thread called "but we took you to stately homes." A great many people in our position, and some great advice

I really amire you, all of you. It's a very difficult decision to make, follow through with and keep up.

It's such a relief to see so many people saying they're at peace with their decision and still think it's the best one to have made.

Admire* that should say

ive been 18+ years with my twat parents.

such a relief that i've put myself first otherwise i wouldn't have made it.
some people are just yuk and i've really got nothing else constructive to say!
oooh. plus two brothers am also nc with. i'd just forgotten about them until i posted this! shows what nob faces they are.

I've been NC with my dad since 1994 so 26 years. I've no idea if he's dead or alive. No regrets about that decision. Only regret is that he wasn't the father my brother & I deserved but I can't do anything about that.

3 years very low contact. I struggle with it tbh. The alternative is to just accept my DM as she is and that means sacrificing my own emotional well-being. So very low contact feels like the least worst option. But really it’s a kind of lose-lose all round.

Do many of you have other supportive family members?

The one I'm on the verge of going NC with is more or less the only family I have, other than my own young children.

I think part of the reason I've hesitated is because of the thought that I would be totally on my own, but that's a bit self pitying isn't it?

No family is better than a dysfunctional one.

Yes so called father can't wait for him to die and dance on his grave.

Me. Utter relief once the decision was taken. Like a huge burden lifted. It's been 10 years now and I wish I'd done it sooner. I put up with treatment and behaviour I never would have countenanced from friends or work colleagues, or even strangers at a bus stop.

Do many of you have other supportive family members?

I have my step-grandma and stepfather. My step-grandma mostly raised me to be honest, due to all my stepfather's issues.

I also met my now DH when I was 16, shortly after going NC with my mother.

If DH and I were to split I'd be largely 'on my own' except for the two DC. As in I'd always have my grandma and dad if I needed them, but I don't feel close enough to them to ever ask for anything. However, I do have a few close friends who I would do anything for and feel that they would (hopefully) feel the same about me.

You can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends. I do recommend building a network of good friends.

I am an only dc. Been nc with df for over 20 years. Was nc with dm around the same time for 10 years. Had a futile reunion lasting a year ish. Been nc again for 9 years now. No regrets. Won't be contacting either and assume they won't contact me either. I have no other relatives at all.
Dh in the same boat. Our dc just have us.

I was the last of 3 siblings to go NC with my mum. Its been about 2 years. The not having that ball of stress in my gut is fantastically liberating. My only regret is that it took me until middle age to do it.

4 years NC with my mother. Should have done it years ago! I'm calmer without her in my life. Nasty piece of work.