Is anyone here NC with a parent(s)?

[4wardnc]

If so, how long for and are you at peace with your decision?

Any regrets?

Considering doing the same and looking for perspectives.

NC with my mother for about 12 odd years. She’s a horrible toxic narc who was abusive to me growing up. When she started on my DC I knew that was enough.

I have no regrets my golden child brother and sister-in-law are welcome to her. My brother and I still have a relationship but strangely SIL seems to have sided with her which is odd because I’ve never done anything to SIL so she’s clearly listened to my mother.

I have never regretted it but I miss having a nice mother in my life, especially as both my in laws are dead. My dad is a bit hit and miss and we are lucky if we see him twice a year so the DC don’t have grandparents which is sad for them.

We've been NC with mil since 2011; last 'spoke' via solicitors a couple of years ago. The minute she threatened dh with court proceedings, she blew it with us.

My dad. Have spoken in 4 years and I hear he’s dying now. No regrets. He could never be bothered with me as a child and all throughout my adulthood it’s been me reaching out to him and nothing in return. There was a very hurtful incident 4 years ago and I finally decided to cut contact and haven’t looked back.

*haven’t spoken

I wouldn't ever go NC with my parents as I like to think I'm quite close to them, but my mum can be hard work and after reading all
These comments I thought I was the only horrible person out there that gets upset and annoyed by my own parent, but seems I'm not alone.
I'm in my 30s now and I am getting fed up of the insults and negativity from her, ive been distant about 4 weeks now but I'm sure we will be talking again soon until the next time she pushes my buttons.

Yes, coming up on eight years and I don’t regret it. My mental health has improved massively. People still bang on at me ‘you only get one Dad, etc.’ but I’m more than happy without that one! His behaviour has been reprehensible for far too many years and it’s just not a good enough reason. No regrets.

I am not NC with my mother but considering it due to my step father as I just can not stand the man. Any visit to their house leaves me stressed, anxious and upset. Last time I cried most of the way home (3.5 hr journey) after he said something quite insulting just before I left. Seeing her (and him) is not good for my mental health. She knows I don't like him but she never mentions it, just keeps playing happy families which is so far from the truth. No discussion or apology about him being insulting which she heard and knew had upset me. He's been in my life since I was 10 and things were never easy, now 42. But how do you deal with the guilt, I know being NC would be devastating for her.

I was NC with my mother for the last 2 years of her life. Things were said at my fathers funeral that I could not forgive. I left her with my sister who was always the golden child.

We have been NC with MIL (classic NPD) and BIL (MIL flying monkey) for 2 years now. It has definitely made life simpler in the sense that we have a lot less stress and upset.

My DH is completely resigned to life without them. But I intermittently miss the relationship I "thought" I had with them. Then I remember that it wasn't real, I was just being manipulated into doing what they wanted.

I won't lie, we do still feel a little embarrassed/ashamed about going NC if they come up in conversation. That feeling however is very fleeting. Ultimately we are a lot happier without their nonsense.

Yes, my parents raised me in a religious cult that isolated me, and almost killed me more than once with lack of medical attention. When I got engaged and then married, they did their best to ruin things. They would call and scream at me for disagreeing with their cult, even if I didn’t overtly say so (I’d left as soon as I was old enough to leave). I gave them another chance after they apologized and left the cult, but the behaviors that had led them to join in the first place soon caused the same problems. When I had my DS, things came to a head and we no longer speak.

No regrets. I feel light, like someone has removed a weight from around my neck. My little son still asks about them, but they have been punishing him by disappearing from his life after love bombing him. It hurts me on his behalf, but really it’s for the best. They spent decades inflicting religious, financial and emotional abuse on me. I don’t want that for him, and I’m grateful we are free.

Just drop the rope, and don’t waste years like I did chasing people who really don’t care about having a healthy and balanced relationship with you.

Yes. Almost three years. Felt so much relief and also felt really empowered! X

@Christmasfairy2020 this article might help you understand a bit more

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/mar/25/a-letter-to-anyone-who-is-shocked-that-i-dont-like-my-mother

Been 2 years and 3 months NC with my dad. He's a violent nasty alcoholic. The last straw was when we finally all met up as a family for a meal for the first time in years, I got to the restaurant 10 mins late as there was a crash and I was coming from an hour away after work. He was drunk when I got there, started shouting at me but then also made the waitress cry by shouting at her and being absolutely vile. We had to leave the restaurant and I haven't spoke to him since. I don't regret it one bit. I did see him once and he came over and laughed jt of and hugged me but I didn't reciprocate, I think then he knew i was actually serious about not wanting him in my life.

I'm currently pregnant with my first and his first grandchild and he has no idea. Someone will either tell him or hel see at my sisters wedding next year.

I've never once regretted it. Just wish I had done it sooner

@Christmasfairy2020

Can not imagine going nc with family. I speak x2 daily to my mum and multiple messages per day to mil. I don't speak to my dad though as he never rings me

This is not really the thread for you, is it?

It's been 5/6 years since I went NC with my mother. My life has absolutely been better since, but it isn't a 'fix all' and I do still think about her most days and often get upset and even angry at how she failed me.

Obvs there’s a whole spectrum of circumstances which mean nc may be absolutely the right thing.

I was nc with both parents (they divorced when I was in my 20s) for periods.
The reasons were a mix of reasons which seemed to me right at the time, misunderstandings on both sides, me not in a position to accept some things which later I was - combo of being in a different place and having different perspectives, experiences, maturity. Them too.
I had good positive contact in their later years. We discussed to some extent what had caused it all. Both are now dead. No regrets.
Not every relationship is able to resurrect contact. I’m glad I was able to.
Support all

Yes, 26 years NC with the woman who gave birth to me and have never met my sperm donor. 🤔

My life has been massively better since I finally left her to it with her "True family" - husband and 2 children. However, it meant giving up any blood relatives I had too but they classed me as tainted anyway being illegitimate in the 50's.

Thankfully I married young to a terrific man and we have a wonderful dd and a very comfortable life.

Absolutely no regrets whatsoever. She should have had me adopted at birth.

@Christmasfairy2020

Can not imagine going nc with family. I speak x2 daily to my mum and multiple messages per day to mil. I don't speak to my dad though as he never rings me

That's lovely but I think you've missed the jest. You don't speak to your dad because he doesn't ring you??? Fuck me No one goes NC lightly

@carrieeee

I wouldn't ever go NC with my parents as I like to think I'm quite close to them, but my mum can be hard work and after reading all These comments I thought I was the only horrible person out there that gets upset and annoyed by my own parent, but seems I'm not alone. I'm in my 30s now and I am getting fed up of the insults and negativity from her, ive been distant about 4 weeks now but I'm sure we will be talking again soon until the next time she pushes my buttons.

Why do you think your horrible, just because it’s a parent they have no right to insult you and speak negative to you . It’s their issue not yours you don’t have to put up with it your a adult .

Iv been 12 years no contact with my dad
He's a very manipulative man and would corrosively control my mother when they where married
The last 12 years have been nothing but bliss and wished my mum had divorced him sooner (I was 18 when they split)

I've been NC with my mum for 4 years now, we didn't have the best relationship growing up and as I had my own family I realised how much her mental health and general selfishness affected my life so chose it was best for me and my children she wasn't involved. I don't struggle with my decision, but do still get the comments from my Nan every now and again which is frustrating.

My dad is a whole other story. He's basically a sperm donor at best 😑

One of the best things about being nc with my dad is that I know he's not chipping away at my kids' self esteem the way he did with me. Having kids has made me even more glad he's not in my life.

With one parent plus a sibling, yes. It's been freeing and empowering and there's not a hope in hell I'll revert back to having contact. Going NC gave me back 'the power' and my mental health improved vastly.

Wow.... reading many of these posts is like reading snippets of my life and I could cry for each and every one of you, my parents live very close to me and I do see them regularly as my brother and sister (both are golden children in their eyes) are LC. Unfortunately I'am not brave enough to do similar BUT having regular contact has allowed me to see them exactly as they are, both toxic manipulators with absolutely no sense of responsibility for anything they have done or said and are always the victims. They rewrite the narrative and convince each other that they are never ever responsible. This knowledge allows me to recognise other people in life who are similar.
Covidcorvid my mum has a toxic letter addressed to my sister in law lodged with a solicitor, despite me trying to convince her that it's totally inappropriate and frankly untrue she gloats and sees it as her final act of revenge for a situation totally of my parents making (my SiLs crime is to selfishly meet and marry my brother, who in turn is a coward and refuses to stand up to my parents, he just dips in and out to maintain his golden child status, most of our issues would be resolved if he had)
In my mind the fact that on this post we feel the sadness of the situation, this shows what good empathetic people you are and let's be honest the others they don't deserve you.