To consider fundraising/ go fund me / crowdfunding for weight loss surgery

[lotstolose1]

I imagine this will be a very controversial one and I am opening myself to opinions I potentially won't want to hear. All I ask is please don't be nasty and insulting (I can take harsh & honest)

I am fat, majorly fat, even considered super obese. I've tried everything under the sun, I always manage between a few pounds to a few stone and then fail or stall and put it back on plus more. BMI in the high 50's, almost 23 stone at 5ft 2. I am only in my early 20s.

My GP recently agreed that Bariatric surgery would most likely be the best way forward and agreed to put me forward on the NHS. This could take years, maybe 5.

I have looked into options privately and I just can't afford it. My credit is shot to bits. I've considered selling my car but then I'll just leave myself in a worse position as I'll still have the finance to pay off and then no car to get me about.

I have a few household things I could sell, to get maybe about £500 myself. I'm on very low income and no savings.

AIBU to maybe start a go fund me/ fundraising to raise the rest of the money I'd need. I'd need to raise maybe about £4K.

I am deeply unhappy and the thought of even posting pictures of myself and my weight online for a fundraiser terrifies me and not something I'd do lightly....I'm worried I'm running out of time, I'd like another child but don't want to grow through it while being this massive.

Actually, this is something I would donate to.
By getting surgery and losing weight as soon as you can, you’d be saving the NHS a significant amount of money, as I’m sure you know obesity causes many other conditions that then need treating.
For those who said they wouldn’t, it would be interesting to know why. It’s not like donating to someone for cosmetic surgery for a boob job, or lip fillers. Extreme obesity is debilitating. People say it’s self inflicted, but it really isn’t. There’s so much more to the reasons why people over eat that them just being ‘greedy’.

I needed the group to keep my accountable and to motivate me for when I was going to be weighed in front of everyone.

So it's about what others think of you, rather than wanting to do it for yourself?

You can get that accountability elsewhere. Your partner for example. When DH and I were losing weight a while back we had a cheap whiteboard in the bathroom, weighed ourselves each Monday morning and wrote it down. We could both visibly see our progress and each other's.

If you don't lose weight then you risk leaving your child motherless at a young age, risk their quality of life having a parent who's unwell and able to do many things with them. Your child already has a 50% chance of being obese with one obese parent.

I mean this kindly, but if that isn't enough motivation for you, why is a group of others at WW more meaningful?

Losing weight isn't always easy but it's straightforward, and the number one factor is whether you want it or not. Whether you want to weigh less more than you want the freedom to eat as much of whatever you like. It boils down to that. Download MyFitnessPal, choose a calorie goal (at your size 1800 would be great to start), and make sure everything that passes your lips is logged into the app before you eat it. You're looking towards this surgery like it's the one thing that's going to sort you out, the whole 'once I start to fit into rides again I won't ever want to go back, no chance in hell I'd undo that' sounds like a form of magical thinking. At any point during your journey to a BMI in the high 50s you knew you were gaining weight and losing mobility, but that wasn't enough to stop gaining and start losing. The risks to mother and child of getting pregnant while obese are very well known, but that wasn't enough of a motivator either?

I think what PP said earlier was really insightful, it sounds very much like the type of things someone in active addiction would say about rehab, that at some point in the future rehab will sort everything out and be their saviour, so for now they're powerless and might as well continue using or drinking. You're doing the exact same thing now. It's really sad to see that you've given up on yourself at such a young age.

Could you afford 3k for the temporary gastric balloon that lasts 3 months. You would lose a few stone and also be offered advice from a nutritionist.

What about turning this around and getting sponsored for something like cycling so many miles?that way you will begin to get fitter for an operation,lose weight,and people will see you are trying to help yourself?
Good luck.You can do this,you definitely have the determination.trust yourself.🌈

[quote lotstolose1]@Tal45 thank you. Yes I think I am probably depressed, I must be, who wouldn't be at 23 stone to be honest?

I have already made the switch from white bread to whole meal, white pasta to brown etc when I tried with WW. That's one habit that's thankfully stuck. No problems eating low/zero sugar yoghurts etc.

I just need to get my mind to enjoy the healthier meals more than the bad ones. It's so difficult for me to enjoy a bowl of porridge (another thing I dislike) over a bowl of cereal. I know it's pathetic, and I just need to get over it and stop making the excuses.

I'm glad I do have the odd healthy habit built already but obviously I need to build a lot more. My friend has told me about the art of 'habit-stacking' from a book she's read so I'm going to give that a go. [/quote]
Don't force yourself to eat things you don't like, it won't work, you said you like eggs. Get half a dozen in a pan now and boil them up, then cool and keep in the fridge. Then you'll have a handy snack for later today, or egg for sandwiches or hard boiled egg for breakfast tomorrow. Just grab, peel and eat.

Forget the porridge if you don't like it, you need to find healthy things that you like if you're going to keep it up. Perhaps follow WW if that works but don't go the meetings - they can't make you! Who would want to be weighed in front of others? OP have you seen your GP about depression? Food is a huge comfort and if you can sort the depression it might help xxx

@lotstolose1 it was on BBC, "what are we feeding our kids" it should still be on catch up as was only on recently. It's fascinating looking at the impact highly processed foods have on us.

I wish you all the best, it must be so difficult

it seems a lot/ if not most of the failures had the gastric band
What do you mean by failure? It is correct that weight loss is much better achieved with a full bypass than with a band, however, complications and long term effects are much more common with bypasses. Examples of this is chronic vit b12 deficiency (which is very poorly managed in this country), gall bladder, pancreatic issues, and most commonly, ulcers, which can turn very painful.

@ChangePart1

Very presumptive and quite frankly upsetting comment. Of course my child means the most to me, I know I could be leaving him motherless one day. He's the main and one of the many reasons I need and want to change.

I don't know why I find it easier getting weighed in front of a group of strangers by a WW coach, but I did and that was working for me. I do care what other people think, but it doesn't mean that's the only reason to want to lose weight. It's not as straightforward as your putting it to me.

I obviously have a lot of issues in my head I need to work through too and comments like that aren't helpful with that

Just to add, I'm lad to read you are giving natural weight loss another go. I really can't insist enough to the fact that bypasses should be a last resort as they do come with many potential horrible lifelong complications that you won't experience wit natural weight loss.

@Soontobe60

Actually, this is something I would donate to. By getting surgery and losing weight as soon as you can, you’d be saving the NHS a significant amount of money, as I’m sure you know obesity causes many other conditions that then need treating. For those who said they wouldn’t, it would be interesting to know why. It’s not like donating to someone for cosmetic surgery for a boob job, or lip fillers. Extreme obesity is debilitating. People say it’s self inflicted, but it really isn’t. There’s so much more to the reasons why people over eat that them just being ‘greedy’.

Here is one reason why I would not.

OP is superobese in her early twenties. So clearly something is very askew somewhere. In her metabolism or broader health, her general lifestyle, her emotional health, I don't know. That's kind of the point. The surgery is a huge thing and I am not remotely equipped to assess whether it's actually the right choice for her, and I don't have complete faith in private providers to do so either. The NHS are equipped to make an evidence based assessment of this. So I would not give the money, because I would not be at all sure that I would in fact be doing the OP a favour by enabling her to avoid that kind of assessment.

@vivainsomnia maybe failure was the wrong word I'm not sure, I just meant I've read and seen an awful lot about people having the band and then putting it all back on or needing revision surgery and eventually having a bypass in the end anyway. I'm not an expert on it by any means, I just thought it was probably just the best option for me.

I am definitely going to try to do it again myself, and I really hope I can. But in the meantime I will see what the NHS have to say and if they suggest anything further to me too so I can go on without needing the surgery.

[quote lotstolose1]@ChangePart1

Very presumptive and quite frankly upsetting comment. Of course my child means the most to me, I know I could be leaving him motherless one day. He's the main and one of the many reasons I need and want to change.

I don't know why I find it easier getting weighed in front of a group of strangers by a WW coach, but I did and that was working for me. I do care what other people think, but it doesn't mean that's the only reason to want to lose weight. It's not as straightforward as your putting it to me.

I obviously have a lot of issues in my head I need to work through too and comments like that aren't helpful with that [/quote]
But it is worth examining why the motivation of a group of random people at WW provides more motivation to you than doing it for your DS.

I will admit, the fixation on WW being the resolution here does seem like it might be because WW isn't currently an option... you could start now, on your own, and have already lost a good stone or more before WW is back up and running. Is it a coincidence that the one thing you believe is the key to losing weight at the moment is one thing that isn't physically possible? Might just be another way mentally of kicking the can down the road.

At the end of the day when you're ready to change it will come from within you. There are so many success stories of people who have been as heavier, maybe even heavier than you, and decided it was time to lose weight and done it. Nobody can make that readiness happen within you, and I really hope you find it very soon.

@lotstolose1
I think you're doing fantastic to go for life changing surgery and thinking about your future. This isn't a easy option. It's not reversible. I'm obese but at 5' six stone overweight puts me in that category. I'm going for a sleeve in a few weeks. I have been 6-7stone overweight for 10 years since my gallbladder surgery. I now use my fitness pal to work out what my calorie intake needs to be to lose and maintain. At 1000 I maintain, at 850, I lose. This is not achievable long term! It's due to a number of other factors. I struggle with veg. Not because I don't like it, I actually love it, but it doesn't like me. I have IBS. I'd love nothing more than a high fibre vegetarian diet, but the pain, bloating and diarrhoea is not pleasant. My recommendation is think positive about your surgery. I know the wait list seems far away but use it to your advantage to prepare yourself. Your diet will massively improve by trying to cut out processed foods and sugar. This is so much easier said than done, but can be done. About 4 weeks of withdrawal symptoms. It's not easy to cut out all processed foods- such as bread, but you can limit them. Once you've done that, your mental health will be more positive, your sleep will improve and you can focus on the positives in life, while looking forward to a long term of life after surgery. I have some portion size guidelines if you want them. All the best and keep your chin up. You're doing a brilliant job xx
Edit: a go fund me option could be put on a bariatric support group page. You never know!

Thank you @MrsS247 I won't bother with the fundraiser, I think it was a bit deluded all along and people are right; there are people in much much worse predicaments than myself who need money more.

@ChangePart1 thank you, I really hope I do it too. I do appreciate your comments, I really do. I just found the first one a bit of a hard read and it choked me up a bit. it probably is the truth deep down that I'm making excuses, finding a reason why I can't. I just can't see a way out and I'm looking at things negatively and spiralling further. Then the more depressed and down in the dumps I get about it the more I eat crap.

[quote lotstolose1]@SwimBaby

Typical day is

Breakfast: usually cereal (rice crispies, crunchy nut or occasionally coco pops) with semi skimmed milk.

Or toast and scrambled eggs if I can be bothered to cook.

Lunch: usually a sandwhich (ham, chicken or cheese), with something on the side like a bag of fridge raiders.

Dinner: favourite meal is chicken (cooked in Peri sauce) pasta with cheese and usually broccoli or aspargus.

It's usually always some form of protein; chicken, pork or beef with pasta/potatoes/rice and I always try to get some vegetables in even though I'm a bit fussy with them.

Typical snacks or desserts would be: a bag of crisps, strawberries with cream, sometimes some tinned fruit, sugar free jelly, low sugar angel delight. (Not All of them in one day btw, just an example of the things I'd sometimes have)

I know this isn't the BEST diet but I do know that I'm not sat stuffing my face all day with cake and I do try my best to include all food groups.[/quote]
The diet my nutritionist set me was

Breakfast: 15g chia seeds, 20g flax seeds, 200g of high protein yoghurt, 5 strawberries and 1 apple chopped up and 5g raw cacao powder l

Lunch: salad leaves, cucumber, tomato, beetroot, feta cheese 50g and 1 tsp olive oil

Dinner: hake/salmon/chicken with x5 veg

Tea/coffee - black no sugar. No snacks in between meals. Fasting 7pm till 10am

I lost 24lbs in 3 months.

You have a lot of scope to lose weight by amending your diet. Carbs need to go in the first instance.

I would consider a slimming group again - they are taking place in person again
I lost 8 stone a few years ago and managed to regain 2 more recently due to lockdown and depression
Someone who goes to my classes has lost over 12 stone and managed to keep it off
I agree with others I think your current eating is not great - so need to examine where you can modify it in small ways to start with - I’m gluten free so eat pea or lentil flour pasta - much nicer than normal pasta - weigh the portions - look at diet options for a cheese sauce eg small amount of ultra low fat cream cheese with a bit of Parmesan
The other thing is your height - at 5’2” your portions need to be so much smaller than your presumably taller partners
I’m 5’4” with an office job - DP is 6’4” with a job that involves lifting - being on his feet all day and consequently eats huge portions - cakes biscuits chocolate and sugar in tea but is not overweight

@alwayswithhope

Thanks, the breakfast sounds do-able for me. I like all that stuff and enjoy chia.

The dinner with the chicken sound ideal too. I don't eat fish but chicken is my favourite meat. Not to keen on pork & beef and refuse to eat lamb.

Just need to get some healthy lunch ideas. I don't think salads will ever be for me.

@alwayswithhope to add I don't drink tea and no longer drink coffee as I've found coffee makes me feel really ill and makes panic attacks a lot worse. I rarely drink fizzy too as I've found the same effect, if I do drink it it's sugar free.

My main drinks are sugar free dilute or water these days.

Don't drink alcohol anymore either (less than once every 6 months).

Also I should stay I couldn’t stand salads before I started. I had never eaten beetroot or tomato always thought they were horrible. I also hate most veg. But if you want to lose the weight you have to just get on with it. Sit down and eat it even if you don’t like it. I am so fussy my DH said he still can’t believe I actually turned my diet on it’s head like that. Before I started the above my diet was coffee milk x2 sugars x3 chocolate special k cereal bars for breakfast. Lunch whole meal bagel Turkey and avocado and cheese, dinner spaghetti bolaignaise/ chilli with rice, mashed potato broccoli and chicken breast. Tons of cups of tea and 2-3 chocolate bars a day. I changed it as we are doing ivf so my motivator was wanting children. Yours should be wanting to be around for your children. If I can turn it around you can too.

If you’re still hungry afterwards drink water. The good thing about fasting is you’re not allowed to eat aside from your 3 meals so no option to just ‘have a bit of x’ and then end up eating it all.

I just need to get my mind to enjoy the healthier meals more than the bad ones. It's so difficult for me to enjoy a bowl of porridge (another thing I dislike) over a bowl of cereal. I know it's pathetic, and I just need to get over it and stop making the excuses

I was like that and I made myself think what do I like more, chips (or whatever) or losing weight, every time I was going to cave in.
Then I watched a few programmes on YouTube about diabetes complications and then I started asking myself if I like walking or seeing, before I was about to eat whatever I liked. Now I dont even really crave that stuff. You just have to decide what you want more. Immediate short term satisfaction and then the feelings if guilt, or to actually make some progress.

Could you put a band on your wrist to flick to help you be more mindful and to make a better choices when you are choosing what to eat?

As you said above its hard to see changes, at your weight, you would see changes on the scales very quickly, and big ones too, so that's another mind obstacle to get over somehow.

@JaceLancs

Yes, I'm going to have a look see where the nearest in person WW class is and hopefully I can go there again, just be a bit sad that it won't be my usual coach. I won't look at SW as I don't agree with the 'free foods' part and I think that'll just leave me with more problems. I already eat too much pasta and potatoes as it is.

[quote lotstolose1]@alwayswithhope

Thanks, the breakfast sounds do-able for me. I like all that stuff and enjoy chia.

The dinner with the chicken sound ideal too. I don't eat fish but chicken is my favourite meat. Not to keen on pork & beef and refuse to eat lamb.

Just need to get some healthy lunch ideas. I don't think salads will ever be for me. [/quote]
Yeah the breakfast is lovely. She added in the raw cacao powder for a chocolate fix as I have such a sweet tooth.so that’s like my treat for the day.

Did you make it like an overnight oats type thing @alwayswithhope ?

I know chia seeds are meant to soak up the liquid aren't they, how do you prepare it if you don't mind me asking?