To consider fundraising/ go fund me / crowdfunding for weight loss surgery

[lotstolose1]

I imagine this will be a very controversial one and I am opening myself to opinions I potentially won't want to hear. All I ask is please don't be nasty and insulting (I can take harsh & honest)

I am fat, majorly fat, even considered super obese. I've tried everything under the sun, I always manage between a few pounds to a few stone and then fail or stall and put it back on plus more. BMI in the high 50's, almost 23 stone at 5ft 2. I am only in my early 20s.

My GP recently agreed that Bariatric surgery would most likely be the best way forward and agreed to put me forward on the NHS. This could take years, maybe 5.

I have looked into options privately and I just can't afford it. My credit is shot to bits. I've considered selling my car but then I'll just leave myself in a worse position as I'll still have the finance to pay off and then no car to get me about.

I have a few household things I could sell, to get maybe about £500 myself. I'm on very low income and no savings.

AIBU to maybe start a go fund me/ fundraising to raise the rest of the money I'd need. I'd need to raise maybe about £4K.

I am deeply unhappy and the thought of even posting pictures of myself and my weight online for a fundraiser terrifies me and not something I'd do lightly....I'm worried I'm running out of time, I'd like another child but don't want to grow through it while being this massive.

Can you not complete a challenge for the money (not just yo plz give me money for surgery)
Or bake people cupcakes or something

To add I think that's why I don't really do salads. You can't really prepare that in any other way, like they're meant to be cold, raw and crunchy aren't they? Those textures and tastes I just can't seem to enjoy.

I watched a programme on ultra processed food the other day and he was talking about how processed foods are designed to be easily eaten with no resistance (in response to an egg McMuffin) maybe try and slowly reintroduce less processed foods with better nutritional content like salads and maybe you'll adapt?

@vivainsomnia

Thanks, we did already establish I was wrong on the daily food part. I knew I wasn't eating the best at the moment but I didn't think it'd get as bad a reaction as it did. I do well on the protein front but struggle getting half my plate full of veg and only a small amount of carbs.

With the surgeries and everyone's anecdotes regarding a friend or someone they know had it; I've done a lot of reading and joined a lot of support groups, it seems a lot/ if not most of the failures had the gastric band. Which the NHS rarely offer anymore and there is a lot of complications that can come from it.

Obviously people do still fail with the sleeve and bypass, I know, but I don't believe I'll be one of them. It doesn't just reduce the amount your able to eat. It causes a 'dumping' syndrome which means if you do try and eat something bad for you, you will suffer terribly (diarrhoea, sweats, heart palls, etc) which at this point I think is the only thing that's going to put me off the bad foods.

@name8793 do you remember the name of the programme at all? I'd like to give it a watch. I truly wish I could enjoy salads and a wide variety of foods. As I say I have managed to introduce some veg and I'm proud of that just some things I really dislike still.

I've seen people eat through that side effect til they stretch the stomach etc.

The NHS will want to see you lose a percentage of your body weight first, on your own, before they operate, so you will have to do the hard option first anyway.

I always wonder, on programmes like my 600lb life etc, where the doctor makes people lose weight first, and they do, why they don't just carry in with what they've been doing

Chris Powell gets morbidly obese people to their goals (most of the time) without surgery until the end, so it can be done if you put the effort in.

When you lost the weight before, how was what you were eating then different from now?

Surgery is not an easy option, it's swapping one kind of hard for another (plus surgery risks and recovery, especially if done abroad which is a greater gamble). What it does do is force a change of habit.

Using the time on the NHS pathway to make those changes in lifestyle yourself and work on your underlying psycology is better.

I note your comments on gambling and addiction. Have you swapped an addiction to gambling to addiction to food?

Hunger is natural. We are constantly bombarded with negativity about hunger from advertisers, both strategically advertising food and indirectly from the guilt tripping on charity adverts. If you're hungry, wait for 30 mins, an hour, next meal if it's close. Have a drink of water. The feeling normally passes. Hunger is a natural signal that out bodies are ready to eat, but our intakes and outputs are pretty messed up in modern life, so it isn't neccessarily a well-timed cue for what our bodies need to sustain themselves.

Breakfast sets my tone for the day. If I eat something sweet first, I'll want sweet all day. If I start with porridge/ eggs/ smoked fish, my appetite is more docile to manage.

Well done on the vegetable progress. My tolerance for a range of vegetables has increased through adulthood, and it does get easier to eat a broader range of textures and flavours. Cooking them in different ways with different seasonings helps.

You can do this. You've got the right ideas, but need to fine-tune the habits. Start one at a time and gradually tweak your lifestyle. Find a support network. Take photos and measurements (not just scales as they are distorted by things like water retention). Record your progress. Good luck.

If you like roasted broccoli and asparagus try roasting green beans. Just spread them on a tray with a drizzle of olive oil and some salt for about 20 mins and they're lovely. You'd probably like sugar snap peas in a stir fry too.

Private bypass surgery is around £10000. I know three people who have had it done,
one still over eats.
You need to get to the root of the problem otherwise it is a waste of money.
Can you get a second job ?

@3Britnee the pathway I'd go on I wouldn't be told to lose any % of weight. I've got the pathway sheet for my area. BMI over 50 for my area, is referral straight for surgery consideration. The other parts inbetween are physc appointments and evaluations, information seminars etc. Not that I wouldn't try, I am definitely going to try and I am going to take all the advice here on board. If I miraculously manage to lose enough to keep going and not require the surgery than excellent, I won't have it.

People on the pathway below are required to lose 5%.

With all due respect, you've got 5 stone to do and you've already done half (well done). When it's over 10 excess stone (13 in my case) it's a hell of a lot harder to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Trying for months and months and not seeing a change in yourself as your that massive seeing a difference is really hard until you've lost a significant amount. Which is why I believe that the kickstart surgery would give me would be enough for me to see that 'wow, I can be skinny again, I can go on rides and fit in aeroplane seatbelts' and prompt me to carry on and maintain that loss. No cat in hells chance that I'd finally get there and want to undo all that. I can only imagine what being thin as an adult feels like.

Take it stone by stone, or 7lb by 7lb, rather than 13.5st. Break it down

I think this is excellent advice. You could take it down even further imo, a couple of pounds at a time. That way you get the satisfaction of achievement more often, which increases your motivation.

The other thing that I think is important is that weight loss actually starts in the supermarket or corner shop. That's why meal planning helps, you go to the shop less often and are more inclined to just buy what you need. If it's not in the house, you can't eat it. I lost half a stone over a couple of months when I stopped buying a newspaper every day. I used to pick up a bar of chocolate while I was in there!

If you can stop yourself from going down the aisle where the cake, crisps, biscuits etc you are, you're not likely to buy them, and you can't eat what you haven't got in the house.

I also lost 10lbs or so in the first few months of WFH. I got into the habit of not having my breakfast until around 10 instead of cramming toast down my neck at 7.30, then having my main meal late in the afternoon or very early in the evening. I genuinely didn't feel hungry just having two meals, to the point where I didn't even notice I was doing it, if that makes sense.

But I wouldn't rule out the crowdfunding idea. I'd give a bit of money if someone I knew was doing it. But you'll have to be very thickskinned as there will alwayd be people who will be very nasty about it.

@BogRollBOGOF

Great advice, thank you. Breakfast is probably my main area to work on first as everyone says it is the most important meal of the day. And for the the first mornings hunger is the worst one, if I don't eat as soon as I'm up I feel sick to the point I can sometimes throw up. When I've done various diets I have had better breakfasts and I do notice the change in the rest of my day. I've just let it slip and now plump for cereals or carbs. Breakfast will be my first change. I'll probably go for eggs from now on. Or fruit and yoghurt, I do really like all fruits so I'm pleased with that.

With the addiction side of things, yes it is a really struggle for me. I do have an addiction problem I believe. I don't think I replaced gambling with food though, I've always had both problems. Maybe it's got worse since but I'm not too sure on that one.

@LakieLady thank you. That's one of the main things I want to change. Buying all the crap stuff, cakes, biscuits, chocolate and the like. My partner is a really thin bloke and he can happily sit and eat chocolate bar after chocolate bar all day long. His diet is terrible, a hell of a lot worse than mine but yet he doesn't have an ounce of fat on him.

I have tried not buying the stuff for him before but he ends up bringing it into the house and I can't control myself and I cave a join in with the bad eating. But for him, there is no motivation, he has no weight to lose, if anything he needs to gain a bit of weight.

I know that's not his fault and he shouldn't be expected to not have any nice foods just because I can't, I just can't find the willpower not to eat the bad stuff with him sometimes

Won’t he help by eating it away from you?

You've said you have had some success before with WW ? Why not give it another go. The app has some great recipes and forums.
There's a woman on Instagram @kiasca (?)
She's lost 18 stone with WW. She does a daily YouTube video of what she has eaten.

I am a 90% vegetarian ( eat fish or chicken maybe once or twice a month)and I do not eat any salads or boiled vegetables. (Am also Asian so boiled veg are anathema.) Agree that preparation and seasoning is the key to liking veg. They don't have to be bland, cold or crunchy. I saute mostly.

OP, I mean this from a place of kindness and I am trying to help but my post may come across as harsh.

I think you need a reality check because it sounds from your posts as though you’re deluding yourself completely.

Your body needs proper nutrition which it simply isn’t getting from the diet you’re posting. Where are the fibre rich foods (fruit, vegetables, whole grains)? If you are NT then there is no reason that you shouldn’t be eating them - eating what you want all the time is what has got you into this mess. Have a little of what you love (junk) and make the rest of your diet up with low fat, higher protein foods. Cut out the processed stuff. Eat wholegrain/wholewheat rice, pasta and bread. Switch to healthier cereals such as all bran or weetabix and have it with fruit. Drink plenty of water and stop drinking fizzy drinks unless it’s the diet version.

At your weight then eating a proper, healthy, calorie controlled diet, and exercising (even just walking 5,000 steps a day at first) will cause the weight to drop off.

It also strikes me that surgery isn’t the answer because you’re making a lot of excuses in trying to justify your decision making. You could have the surgery but if you aren’t fixing the root cause so there will just be more excuses about why you aren’t losing weight after the surgery. And believe me, this does happen!

You need to work out WHY you eat the way that you do and then how to get the willpower to stick to a good diet.

Hypnotherapy might be a good start as someone else suggested. But you need to educate yourself about nutrition. If you’ve never been taught then it’s hard to start from scratch but you can get there if you’re willing to put the effort in.

And yes - EFFORT. Because it sounds like you just want it to come to you straight away in the form of surgery and you know deep down that simply isn’t realistic. Losing weight is hard. I “only” had five stone to lose but I’ve kept it off for 15 years now. You need to switch your mindset and understand it will be difficult, but actually invest the time and energy into doing it for the long term pay off.

@lotstolose1
I think you're doing fantastic to go for life changing surgery and thinking about your future. This isn't a easy option. It's not reversible. I'm obese but at 5' six stone overweight puts me in that category. I'm going for a sleeve in a few weeks. I have been 6-7stone overweight for 10 years since my gallbladder surgery. I now use my fitness pal to work out what my calorie intake needs to be to lose and maintain. At 1000 I maintain, at 850, I lose. This is not achievable long term! It's due to a number of other factors. I struggle with veg. Not because I don't like it, I actually love it, but it doesn't like me. I have IBS. I'd love nothing more than a high fibre vegetarian diet, but the pain, bloating and diarrhoea is not pleasant. My recommendation is think positive about your surgery. I know the wait list seems far away but use it to your advantage to prepare yourself. Your diet will massively improve by trying to cut out processed foods and sugar. This is so much easier said than done, but can be done. About 4 weeks of withdrawal symptoms. It's not easy to cut out all processed foods- such as bread, but you can limit them. Once you've done that, your mental health will be more positive, your sleep will improve and you can focus on the positives in life, while looking forward to a long term of life after surgery. I have some portion size guidelines if you want them. All the best and keep your chin up. You're doing a brilliant job xx

@JSL52

You've said you have had some success before with WW ? Why not give it another go. The app has some great recipes and forums. There's a woman on Instagram *@kiasca* (?) She's lost 18 stone with WW. She does a daily YouTube video of what she has eaten.

I follow that lady already, she is great isn't she. I'm in the WW Facebook group with her.

The thing that stalled me on WW was Covid hitting. I was doing really well, got to lower than I did before I had my baby. Then all groups stopped, face to face support stopped. At then the coach at my local centre who I really really got on with was made redundant from the company. They cut an awful lot of coaches and now I have no local group. I can't do it just online/ coach zoom calls. I needed the group to keep my accountable and to motivate me for when I was going to be weighed in front of everyone.

There is an awful lot of helpful advice already, but a couple of things to think about from me are try brushing your teeth earlier in the evening as this is supposed to tell your brain you are done eating.

I also wondered if you do much of an evening or if you could think of some distractions to help you forget to snack? Maybe an evening walk or doing a jigsaw or spring clean the house, it might be time to break the tv and snacking habit and do something different, make the most of this lovely weather to get you out and about and away from the kitchen.

Another thing to think about is the calories in drinks and sauces and oils and butters. Reverse weighing is brilliant for tracking things like butter, put the butter packet on the scale and zero the scale. Take out what you are going to use and you will see a minus figure for that weight. Fats are really high in calories so getting these wrong can make a massive difference.

Any form of activity will also really help, team RH are worth a look on Facebook as they do a lot of videos on why getting your steps in is so important as you burn hundreds more calories doing 15000 steps than 2000 steps and even if you don’t do them in one go or even if you do seated cardio it all adds up.

I haven't read all the replies only your posts OP so sorry if I'm repeating! Crunchy nut cornflakes are delicious!!! But check out the sugar content - it's scary!! I'll tell you what I have for brekky (and I don't believe in cutting all carbs - just replacing white carbs with better ones) I have porridge. One cup porridge (American cups for ease) two cups water and one cup milk, add some cinnamon and ginger, then when it's cooked add half a banana, some blue berries and a few nuts. It might take a bit of getting used to after eating such a sugary breakfast but it's healthy and will keep you full.

If you're having a sandwich for lunch then make it wholemeal - if you have white bread you'll be hungry in 5 and the white carbs = sugar. Instead of having ham or cheese you could then have an egg sandwich for lunch (with some rocket if you like that or cress). Give the fridge raiders a miss as they're heavily processed, cut up an apple or some other fruit and have it in some plain kefir yoghurt (or any other plain yoghurt) - flavoured yoghurt is often sky high in sugar especially the fat free ones. Again you might need to get used to this if you are used to high sugar yoghurt. Avoid fruit juice unless you very heavily dilute it and don't eat too much dried fruit (very high in sugar).

For dinner chicken with veggies is good - wholemeal noodles or rice are good alternatives to potatoes - or roasted sweet potato if you like that? Watch out on any sauces as they can be surprisingly high in sugar. Try rubbing some spices in as an alternative - Ras el hanout is a fave of ours or a tikka rub - there are loads of different spice mixes available now.

Is it possible you're depressed OP? Addiction can be a way of self medicating depression. Just a thought.

Good luck OP!! xxx

So you know WW works for you. That’s great!
I don’t understand why you’re so resistant to doing it again then really focusing on maintaining. Are you scared of failing?

@PurpleDaisies yes, I think I am scared of failing like I have done so many times before. I just wish my local group would open back up, I found the pressure of seeing an actual other human who isn't myself weighing me was a big motivator and a lot of pressure to keep going. As well as the rest of the group being sat there, waiting to hear who'd lost the most etc.

Instead of focussing on the surgery, why not focus finding a new group? Don’t let fear of failing stop you trying.

@Tal45 thank you. Yes I think I am probably depressed, I must be, who wouldn't be at 23 stone to be honest?

I have already made the switch from white bread to whole meal, white pasta to brown etc when I tried with WW. That's one habit that's thankfully stuck. No problems eating low/zero sugar yoghurts etc.

I just need to get my mind to enjoy the healthier meals more than the bad ones. It's so difficult for me to enjoy a bowl of porridge (another thing I dislike) over a bowl of cereal. I know it's pathetic, and I just need to get over it and stop making the excuses.

I'm glad I do have the odd healthy habit built already but obviously I need to build a lot more. My friend has told me about the art of 'habit-stacking' from a book she's read so I'm going to give that a go.