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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To consider fundraising/ go fund me / crowdfunding for weight loss surgery

352 replies

lotstolose1 · 08/06/2021 15:50

I imagine this will be a very controversial one and I am opening myself to opinions I potentially won't want to hear. All I ask is please don't be nasty and insulting (I can take harsh & honest)

I am fat, majorly fat, even considered super obese. I've tried everything under the sun, I always manage between a few pounds to a few stone and then fail or stall and put it back on plus more. BMI in the high 50's, almost 23 stone at 5ft 2. I am only in my early 20s.

My GP recently agreed that Bariatric surgery would most likely be the best way forward and agreed to put me forward on the NHS. This could take years, maybe 5.

I have looked into options privately and I just can't afford it. My credit is shot to bits. I've considered selling my car but then I'll just leave myself in a worse position as I'll still have the finance to pay off and then no car to get me about.

I have a few household things I could sell, to get maybe about £500 myself. I'm on very low income and no savings.

AIBU to maybe start a go fund me/ fundraising to raise the rest of the money I'd need. I'd need to raise maybe about £4K.

I am deeply unhappy and the thought of even posting pictures of myself and my weight online for a fundraiser terrifies me and not something I'd do lightly....I'm worried I'm running out of time, I'd like another child but don't want to grow through it while being this massive.

OP posts:

NewIdeasToday · 08/06/2021 15:54

Sorry OP but it’s hard to see that this would work.

Can you talk to the GP again about time for this on the NHS? Why do you think it will take 5 years?

Toilenstripes · 08/06/2021 15:55

Not being unreasonable at all. People start fundraising pages for all kinds of things. I’m so sorry you’re feeling so awful about your weight. My mum had weight loss surgery in 2003, so I know how heart wrenching it is to be in that situation. Best of luck!

doadeer · 08/06/2021 15:56

I'm not sure really... I mean those who care about you im sure they would want to support you, of course. But would strangers contribute?

Maybe it also depends on what your challenges are when it comes to food? I know surgery isn't always successful for everyone as there's often underlying issues to be addressed?

PurpleDaisies · 08/06/2021 15:57

I wouldn’t. You’ll likely get a lot of abuse and not a lot of money.

ChannelJackieWeaver · 08/06/2021 15:58

I sympathise.
I wonder if therapy/ hypnotherapy to address the cause of the overeating may help- could be free/ quicker on NHS or cheaper than 4k. No judgement meant by this, just wonder if its a more realistic and possibly sustainable option?
Best of luck.

Original poster

lotstolose1 · 08/06/2021 15:58

@NewIdeasToday

Sorry OP but it’s hard to see that this would work.

Can you talk to the GP again about time for this on the NHS? Why do you think it will take 5 years?

I've joined a lot of support groups/ researched online etc. Most of them were waiting at least 3 years and that's without Covid on top of that. Obviously the virus has halted surgeries such as these for at least 1 year.

Too add: I don't expect the NHS to be super quick and nor should they prioritise people like me who aren't a medical emergency...I'm not complaining about the NHS at all, it's me who's got myself in this shit state

OP posts:

lovelybitofsquirrell · 08/06/2021 15:58

You can of course start one. It's not a guarantee you will get the funds and likely receive lots of negativity.

I wouldn't donate to a stranger. Possibly close friend or family member dependent on the situation.

nellly · 08/06/2021 15:58

I mean you can start one: what's the harm? I have to be honest I don't think it would be very successful though the medical type fundraisers I've contributed to have been experimental treatment for people with rare conditions, I can't see I would donate for something available on nhs if I'm being brutally honest

mistermagpie · 08/06/2021 15:59

You could try, but I think you might end up inviting a lot of negativity into your life by doing it.

Personally I wouldn't donate to someone who was doing it.

DriedIris · 08/06/2021 16:00

Hmm. I think maybe very close friends and family might donate if they're financially comfortable/wealthy. But I can't imagine that strangers would donate.

I only donate to things close to my own heart, usually cat or mental health related. Aside from the chosen charities that I donate to because I want to.

I think you need to either start saving or wait for the nhs.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 08/06/2021 16:01

You can start one if you like, and people who have been in a similar position may donate.

I wouldnt give anything though.

Aloethere · 08/06/2021 16:02

Unless you have a particularly large and generous friend and family circle, a very good sob story or a large platform on social media it probably won't take off.

Now that I think of it someone local to me tried that and has a less than positive reception. She was quite badly mocked online for it, raised about 28quid and took it down.

Leftphalange · 08/06/2021 16:03

No judgement on your situation, and I do sympathise. But personally I wouldn't donate for this reason unless it was a friend or family member. I also echo what others have said that it could bring a lot of negativity

soreenqueen21 · 08/06/2021 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMadMadamMim · 08/06/2021 16:03

I wouldn't. I think it would be a massively negative experience for you, with an awful lot of unkind comments, and even if you raised the money - which I very much doubt - that the whole thing would not be worth it.

I think you'd be putting yourself through a deeply humiliating process for nothing. Very few people will contribute to what is (often) seen as a self inflicted problem.

Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep · 08/06/2021 16:04

There's no way, unless you have some very rich and generous friends, that you'll raise that much for your surgery. I think you need to accept that it will take 5 years and focus on trying to work on your head in that time. Spend the £500 on some therapy. It will help you for when you do get to the top of the waiting list.

idontlikealdi · 08/06/2021 16:04

You can start one for whatever you like but doesn't mean anyone will donate to it.
Sorry but to me it is just online begging

motogogo · 08/06/2021 16:05

You can try but in seriousness why not try alternatives? You need to get to the bottom of why you overeat because surgery will not keep the weight off forever - I gave a friend who 8 years after surgery is almost back to the size she was prior to surgery because overtime the smaller stomach stretched! I am not skinny and need to loose 3 stone, it's hard but I've been loosing it using pre calculated ready meals

Original poster

lotstolose1 · 08/06/2021 16:05

Thanks everyone for the responses so far.

I don't think I will do it, I think I knew in my head it was ridiculous but I'm just at a loss with what I can do. I can imagine some local news paper or something picking up on it and then the whole country hounding me and taking the piss

If anyone has any good money saving ideas / fundraising ideas without directly asking people for money I'm happy to hear them. I will save every bit of spare money and sell anything I don't need too to get the fund started. It's just such a huge amount of money that seems so far out of reach

OP posts:

RickJames · 08/06/2021 16:06

You could try it. People crowdfund for all sorts of things.

Could you go on the waiting list and get referred to a dietician or something in the interim? One thing about having so many kilos is that, apparently, they can come off quite quickly if you do the reversing diabetes diet, for instance. It's probably quite hard to exercise at your weight but if you got the first 10 kilos off then it would be easier to walk or exercise more.

You have my sympathy, I put on a bunch of weight with medication and have lost it now - the key was to lose it slowly and not do anything uncomfortable or drastic (and get off the medication, obvs). Maybe try that diabetes diet and then lose some more slowly by making small changes. By the time your surgery comes up, you'll be a bit healthier to handle the procedure and then the rest will drop off.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

TakeYourFinalPosition · 08/06/2021 16:07

Realistically you’ll be asking friends and family - strangers don’t typically donate to GoFundMes. So do you know enough people that would donate? You’d need to share it on social media a lot. The vast majority of campaigns aren’t successful and don’t get anywhere near enough funding.

I’d also be wary that you could be mocked for this.., you shouldn’t be, but it’s a possibility. You could message friends and family privately instead, if you think they’d donate? It’d be a lot less public that way.

triceratopsmama · 08/06/2021 16:07

While I'm sympathetic to your situation (and quite overweight myself) I definitely wouldn't donate to something like that.
I can't imagine many people would donate and you would really be putting yourself out there for criticism and awful comments.

Tuckedinbelly · 08/06/2021 16:07

If I had the money I'd give it to you. Best thing I've ever done. Get on that waiting list and in the meantime look at finance options offered by providers.

The waiting lists are awful and they surgery is safe, effective, proven to work and life changing. I wish they'd do more.

Br3style · 08/06/2021 16:08

I don't think you'd get much luck just expecting people to donate towards your surgery however, maybe you could do a challenge or something in exchange for the money.
What is something no one would expect you to complete or take on?
Shows your commitment to the cause and I think people would be more keen to support you on that.
Be clear that the money they donate in support of the challenge will get you closer to the surgery.

ChangePart1 · 08/06/2021 16:08

YANBU to start one. It's up to others whether they donate or not. Personally, I wouldn't. Weight loss isn't necessarily easy but it's doable if you're motivated and committed enough. I wouldn't donate to someone who had basically decided that they wanted others to pay for weight loss surgery rather than putting in the work to lose it themselves. Especially when there is never any guarantee the money would definitely go to that, once it's in your hands you can do with it what you wish.

Five years isn't too bad tbh for the NHS to give something like that. It also gives you plenty of time to find a way to lose weight that works for you so you can avoid the surgery.

You could start a thread on here to ask people how they successfully lost and kept off weight. Might get some ideas that you haven't thought of.

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