To consider fundraising/ go fund me / crowdfunding for weight loss surgery

[lotstolose1]

I imagine this will be a very controversial one and I am opening myself to opinions I potentially won't want to hear. All I ask is please don't be nasty and insulting (I can take harsh & honest)

I am fat, majorly fat, even considered super obese. I've tried everything under the sun, I always manage between a few pounds to a few stone and then fail or stall and put it back on plus more. BMI in the high 50's, almost 23 stone at 5ft 2. I am only in my early 20s.

My GP recently agreed that Bariatric surgery would most likely be the best way forward and agreed to put me forward on the NHS. This could take years, maybe 5.

I have looked into options privately and I just can't afford it. My credit is shot to bits. I've considered selling my car but then I'll just leave myself in a worse position as I'll still have the finance to pay off and then no car to get me about.

I have a few household things I could sell, to get maybe about £500 myself. I'm on very low income and no savings.

AIBU to maybe start a go fund me/ fundraising to raise the rest of the money I'd need. I'd need to raise maybe about £4K.

I am deeply unhappy and the thought of even posting pictures of myself and my weight online for a fundraiser terrifies me and not something I'd do lightly....I'm worried I'm running out of time, I'd like another child but don't want to grow through it while being this massive.

I’d be really wary. The only way to generate enough publicity to get donations would be for social media shares etc. And we all know how cruel Twitter etc would be. And imagine if it was picked up by the tabloids. I think it could be really bad for your mental health. I hope you manage to get your surgery quicker though

Could you work more to earn and save it up?

It’s really hard, but I think you have to lose 5% of your body weight to be considered for surgery? Could you start on that and see how far you get? Also, suggest you need some therapy to understand the over eating and how you can sustain weight loss (whether due to traditional dieting or surgery)

Oh, my heart goes out to you OP. The game is stacked against us when it comes to weight in Western countries.

Have you considered therapy? Made a big difference to my DH, & I'm pretty sure the NHS waiting list is less than five years! If you talk to your GP, frame it as an addiction (which it is), to get the right kind of help.

@lotstolose1 Maybe a distance/amount of steps that you could walk?
I know you mentioned that you enjoy swimming - maybe an amount of lengths to complete?

Try to think of things that will make you feel better rather than how much weight you can lose because it is harder blow when you don't. Whereas when you shift the focus you're more likely to carry on.
Whether or not you decide to do the go fund, try and set yourself little goals you can tick off and concentrating on that instead your size, how much weight you've lost or how long you've got to wait for you op - I think you'd gradually feel better.

Ps you are not beyond help. Keep that mind frame positive

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/weight_loss_chat/4245218-Why-We-Eat-Too-Much-Thread-2

Here’s a link to the thread on the why we eat too much thread. It sounds like your diet generally is pretty compatible with the ethos of it. It’s also very informative about the surgery you’re hoping for as the chap is a bariatric surgeon.

If a dietician was to sit down and look at my diet today I don't think there'd be much wrong actually.

Going to be harsh now. There is. How do I know? Because I had exact same thinking. Except the surgery. I had the exact same "i workout without an issue but don't lose🤷🏻". "But I eat well🤷🏻". I did. Just too much. You can absolutely get fat on healthy. My BMI 50 at one point is a witness. I got fat on salads basically...
Until you say "oh fuck, it's not air making me fat" one day, I don't think even the surgery will help long term. As pp I too know someone who regain over few years. Denial can do that. You sound like me 50kg ago bar the surgery thoughts.
I can assure you that if you put your mind to it, you will lose unless you have some very serious condition.

[quote lotstolose1]@PurpleDaisies the issue is, I don't buy takeaways (don't have the money) I live on not much money at all for my food shop so already do a lot of home cooking. I don't drink fizzy pop anymore nor coffee. I don't have money to waste on junk food. I'm not eating too bad at all really. Don't get me wrong obviously I have overindulged to get me to the point I am now, of course. I just think now I'm this big I just can't get back to where I was. If a dietician was to sit down and look at my diet today I don't think there'd be much wrong actually. I just about manage to scrape together £30 a month for a swimming membership, as that's something I enjoy.

I've been tested for everything that could cause weight-gain and I don't have it. So at this point I don't know what else to do x[/quote]
This is just not true, I'm sorry but you're lying to yourself and that doesn't help. Maybe it's relatively healthy food, but you're probably eating too much of it and then not exercising enough. Your portions are probably double or triple what they should be. You couldn't have gained weight by eating healthily and have nothing wrong with you.

You do swimming, but I think you'd be better off getting sessions with a pt. Sell stuff in your house and get sessions with a pt, even if it's only twice a month or something. They'll push you and other people who were obese have had great success with that. You can do it, you are just not setting yourself up for success but you don't know how either.

@soreenqueen21

the issue is, I don't buy takeaways (don't have the money) I live on not much money at all for my food shop so already do a lot of home cooking. I don't drink fizzy pop anymore nor coffee. I don't have money to waste on junk food. I'm not eating too bad at all really. Don't get me wrong obviously I have overindulged to get me to the point I am now, of course. I just think now I'm this big I just can't get back to where I was. If a dietician was to sit down and look at my diet today I don't think there'd be much wrong actually

Sorry but you're 23 stone. To maintain that weight level you have to be eating a lot, and the wrong things. If you were on a calorie deficit you would be losing weight.

I've just tried calorie deficit for the last 3 months. Ended up gaining 4lbs overall and that was with me really sticking to it. Logging every single thing that went past my mouth. And exercising at least twice a week (I know that should be more)

I think you would feel better for directing your energy towards doing exercise than doing the crowdfunding. It won’t be easy and I wish you much luck but if you start small, you could walk for say 10 minutes one day, 11 the next, etc. You could start on a positive path this way and you will start to see actual results in time.

A few of you have suggested that book I will definitely have a look at that thank you

Sell car.
Walk everywhere.
Loose the weight.
🤔 😂

Thanks everyone, and I thank you all for not being nasty - I really appreciate that as I know there can be some really mean people on here at times

I think some of you who suggested I could be lying to myself a little maybe right. I'm going to start another food diary, and rope my partner into keeping me accountable and honest about it all. In the meantime I'll sell a few bits, workout more and find some mental help

No, I would not donate to any Go fund me things,for total strangers.

Anything as such,for a desperate situation for a family member, would be a different proposition though.

I think I just struggle with goals and targets and numbers. It seems such an overwhelming and huge journey and I can't see the finish line

Just want tp add that even though it's mainly a diet, exercise is incredibly important for numerous things so keep that up.
It's good for mood, cardiovascular health, strenght, posture, metabolism, digestive system and so on.

@lotstolose1

I think I just struggle with goals and targets and numbers. It seems such an overwhelming and huge journey and I can't see the finish line

I couldn't see my feet for 5 years and they are size 10. Trust me you can do it and the finishing line is wherever you put it. Who says it's just 1. It can be 60 of them.

A friend of mine had weight loss surgery (NHS) and then started a fundraiser for skin tightening (I know that's not the right phrase but I can't think ). She didn't raise much at all, I think it was less than £100. It doesn't tend to be the sort of thing people that aren't very close to you would contribute to.

Sorry OP, I think it would be a very bad idea.

OP, check out the frugaleer threads on here for every-day money saving/money making tips. It's worth a trawl through all the credit crunch threads - there are recommendations for things like money-back websites.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/credit_crunch

You have my sympathy, OP, it's an ongoing issue and I can tell that from your posts.

What do you think your struggle is if you eat 'made from scratch' food? I know that I don't have a sweet tooth but a savoury one that is just as bad. I lose weight quite easily but, I have to keep an eye on it like a hawk and I do.

You've said that you enjoy swimming and that you have a membership for that. Swimming is the most excellent exercise, burns huge amounts of calories, better than any gym work or walking. How often do you go? Could you invest in a fit-watch (I recommend Huawei, about £50). It's really motivating to see the calorie burn and maybe that would help?

As PP suggests, get yourself on that NHS list and I would keep asking - your BMI makes you a high risk (which is good for this purpose) - and if you keep asking for updates, perhaps it won't be as long as you think.

For now though, the best advice I can give you is to find your 'sweet spot', ie. your calorie intake that makes you NOT gain weight. You don't have to lose it, just don't gain any. It's more doable and anything that you do which is lower calories in or increased exercise (calorie burn) will be beneficial to you.

[quote lotstolose1]@RefuseTheLies the gastric bypass. In the Uk it's between 9-12k depending where you'd go. That is totally unreachable for me, so the lower figure is from travelling abroad for the surgery.[/quote]
Hi OP, I have worked in a professional capacity with bariatric patients on the NHS surgery waiting list.

The 3 year waiting list can sound disappointing, but it is still worth getting onto the pathway. There are several other things that happen during the wait - dietitian appointments, psychiatrist appointments, consultant appointments, group information sessions etc etc. So while joining the pathway til day of surgery can be x years, there are many other things that happen during that time. You won’t just be sat twiddling your thumbs.

I would strongly, strongly advise against getting surgery abroad. The NHS bariatric surgery pathway also includes the post-surgery aftercare and support, which is absolutely crucial in the surgery succeeding and the weight staying off. If you go to an information session at your local hospital you will find out more.

3-5 years is no time at all to wait, if it means getting it done properly.

@lotstolose1

I think I just struggle with goals and targets and numbers. It seems such an overwhelming and huge journey and I can't see the finish line

If that doesn't work for you then don't do it like that. Find what works for you.

I'm really competitive, even with myself. I would set myself a challenge and I would have to meet it because I MUST WIN! But that wouldn't work for you and that's OK. Find what does. Find the exercise you enjoy, even if its seated yoga to begin with! Everyone starts somewhere.

I'm carrying a little extra weight at the moment, I've previously been hugely overweight with no idea where to start.

@lotstolose1

I think I just struggle with goals and targets and numbers. It seems such an overwhelming and huge journey and I can't see the finish line

Take it stone by stone, or 7lb by 7lb, rather than 13.5st. Break it down.

Start a support thread in weight loss chat.

If you do a vlcd really replacement diet that will take all choice and counting out of it, until you are nearer your goal.

What does a typical weeks food look like?

If you calorie and carb count, using scales to weigh everything, and do IF, you will see results.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thank you - I do have a Fitbit, got that recently and I found that's really good for reminding me to move and the relax feature really helps me mentally.

I had it last year privately, cost £15k - not worried about where you can get it done for £4K

The transform group do loans, so must others