"Heirloom" style presents

[ChaosMoon]

For her first birthday MIL bought DD a solid silver cup thing with feet. For Christmas, it was a cut glass ashtray. (Probably not an ashtray.)

Obviously these aren't toys and will apparently be "special" when she grows up.

I have a miniscule set of silverware that was apparently a christening present. They were too tiny and precious to play with as a kid so, what? Was I supposed to grow into a doll's house enthusiast?

There are other examples. We've just moved house and I'm trying to find homes for what is essentially overly expensive tat. It's given me the rage. I've left all DD's stuff on DH's pillow for him to deal with after work, but why must we lug it round for 18 years, just for her to have the same nonsense when she grows up? Oh yes. Because if we don't, MIL will huff when she repeatedly asks about it every birthday. (As she does with similar tat from DH's childhood).
Sigh.

Would anyone else like to bemoan the well intentioned rubbish that they have become curators of?

(I know I should just charity shop it or get over it. The former will lead to too many tedious conversations but I intend to do the latter once I've got it out of my system on here.)

Just put it in a box in the back of a wardrobe and give it no more head space.🤷🏻‍♀️

cut glass ashtray. (Probably not an ashtray.)

Was it a bottle coaster? For putting cold bottles of wine/ champagne/ soft drink on a wooden table without the condensation marking the table? If so, they're quite useful and yours sounds very pretty.

I don't think you should charity shop something that is solid silver considering scrap currently goes for £600+ a kilo.

I get that not everyone likes to hold back 'special' stuff but I don't think it is always fair to call it tat. I enjoy getting nice things out a few times a year for Christmas, birthdays and New Year's day lunches. Have you tried asking MIL to buy something else?

It wouldn't love it as a gift for a 1 year old either but getting angry about it seems excessive. Surely you can just have a box at the back of the cupboard and add to it everytime MiL gives another of that type of gift.

She asks what we want. We give her a few options. She buys us something random that she would like...

Maybe it is a bottle coaster. I've never heard of one before. Right, I'm off to try and stick bottles in it.

Yes, it seems bizarre to me to buy things for a baby that they will only use (or dispose of) as an adult. Tastes change so quickly, it seems unlikely that the thing your grandma bought you for your Christening is going to be what you like when you’re 18!

My nan once gifted all the girls in the family some small ornaments that she claimed would increase in value and one day be worth a fortune - they were teddy bears made of plaster of paris wearing twee dresses.

Can safely say there has been no increase in value in the past few decades 😂

At least your DD's gifts sounds like they might be more like to be worth something if she decides she doesn't want them in the future.

When I hear someone use the word "tat" I always think here is someone who lacks the taste and discrimination to recognize something fine if they fell over it! You can always stash it in the attic/garage/wardrobe and forget about it. One day it will be worth money.

I got into the antiques trade as a young girl in my teens, due to the influence of my gran and her house full of lovely Anglo Indian furniture. I was a collector for many years and when she passed my gran left me the entire contents of the house.

I had an attic and a lockup full of "collectables" until I began selling it off in the early 2000's. My family referred to it as "selling tat" on Ebay. One day I showed them the first page of my Paypal account and they did a double take.

They probably felt pretty foolish.

No one wants cut glass or silver cups. My parents have a canteen of silver cutlery and a sideboard full of cut crystal glasses. Worth bobbins.

If she wants to give your DD something that will increase in value, buy her a junior ISA.

Best pack them away in the loft for safe keeping.
Dd can send them to the charity shop at 18 if she wants!

My aunt bought me a string of pearls for my 18th. I was a bit bewildered as I was in to the alternative scene at that age and they were very much not my style. My mum said 'you'll be glad of them when you're older' - well I'm now 47 and have still never made use of them!

I am at B& Q right now buying some shelves to put up a high shelf for all my children's precious gifts that are too fragile/expensive/dangerous for them to actually play with so instead they can sit on a high shelf and gather dust! Not my cup of tea either (I strive for low waste so don't buy unnecessary things) but my husband's family also go in for expensive "things". Whenever I look at them I imagine some kind of war or catastrophe and the children thinking "ah, but at least I can barter for food with my gold sovereigns that Grandpa gave me for my first birthday" 😂 Beyond this scenario I can't think of them ever coming in handy.

@Clymene genuine silver cutlery hall marked is worth a lot the scrap value is 33p a gram and can be polished and will sell for over scrap value
however most cutlery is silver plated ( normally will have EP or EPNS or occasionally Brittania silver on it sometimes excess polishing means no silver plate left and it is not worth much but it still could be £50+ as a canteen in a box or case
crystal is more difficult if boxes available and it is stuart / waterford /edinburgh crystal ( normally etched on base) then 6 whisky tumblers maybe £40-60 if unmarked with no boxes maybe £3-5

Also, my mum gave me a commemorative £100 coin many years ago. I came across it recently - looked it up & it's not legal tender and no longer worth £100. I could sell it for around £80 I think, or leave it in a drawer while I wonder what to do with it for another decade or so. Crazy way to spend a hundred quid!

I think it's rather lovely. My grown up DC have:

Port (1/2 case)
Antique tie pin (turquoise)
Silver beaker
Engraved napkin ring
Mother of pearl dress studs

Tiffany Cross
Tiffany crystal ballerina
Silver beaker
Engraved napkin ring
Silver dressing table set, set with cameos

All carefully put aside for them, after their christenings and 1st birthdays, except that dd now wears the cross which was a christening present and some of the port has been drunk on special occasions.

So much nicer than plastic tat.

Can you suggest that perhaps Mil should keep these wonderful and precious items safely at her home because DD is now at "that" stage and anything so valuable could so easily be broken or damaged?

Bet she stops buying them then!

I'd chuck it all in a box and have it out of sight in a wardrobe/attic. I definitely wouldn't give it all to a charity shop as it might be worth a bob or two in 25 years time, and it doesn't belong to you.

I'm sure by the time your daughter is old enough to be Lego mad or Sylvanian Families mad she'll set Granny straight on what she actually wants.

We got given a crystal and silver bottle coaster for our wedding. Weighs a bloody ton. It makes a really handy key holder.

My mum is currently palming off all the stuff I got given for christening and first birthday. I have no need for any of it and she's kept it for 40+ years so I do get where you're coming from!

Ooh I love all that stuff. But then I'm fairly lax about clutter. Does it really take up that much space if you put it in a box somewhere?

OP you should not be thinking of getting rid of these things, or perhaps even using them, as they were gifts to your DC, not you. Unfortunately you need to keep them for them until they are old enough to decide for themselves. A solid silver cup thing sounds rather like a christening present,

You just have different thoughts about what is appropriate.
You should just ask for stuff that meets both your and hers requirements.
I asked my Nan to get jewelry for my daughters first birthdays, on the basis that I would give it to them properly on their 21st, after she would be long gone.
She loved jewelry and in reality it's all about the giver being remembered. Adult daughters now have lockets that they wear all the time.

I hear you!

For every birthday and Christmas from age 8 to about 15 my mum bought me a Royal Doulton “collectors doll”. They were about £100 each at the time in the 80s, so equivalent to about £250 each today. She thought she was doing a great thing and that they would be worth a fortune. They are now worth about £5 each 🙄. And in the meantime they have taken up space in my loft for over 20 years. I don’t feel like I can get rid of them though. And at the time I would MUCH rather have had a barbie!

@memberofthewedding

When I hear someone use the word "tat" I always think here is someone who lacks the taste and discrimination to recognize something fine if they fell over it! You can always stash it in the attic/garage/wardrobe and forget about it. One day it will be worth money.

I got into the antiques trade as a young girl in my teens, due to the influence of my gran and her house full of lovely Anglo Indian furniture. I was a collector for many years and when she passed my gran left me the entire contents of the house.

I had an attic and a lockup full of "collectables" until I began selling it off in the early 2000's. My family referred to it as "selling tat" on Ebay. One day I showed them the first page of my Paypal account and they did a double take.

They probably felt pretty foolish.

There's a bit of a difference between lovely Anglo Indian furniture, and what the OP is describing! She's saying she's being given new stuff that's over priced, not lovely antiques. They likelihood a bog standard silver christening-style cup will suddenly become a collectors' item is ... optimistic.

I got some random stuff for my christening, like a collectable decorative plate with a fairy on it - all expensive at the time, worth nothing at all now (I've checked!).
I don't even like any of it, it's all twee, and yes, tat.

What do you mean when you say she brings it up at every birthday though? What can she possibly be expecting you to say? You can hardly give it to DD to play with, why would there be any 'update' other than 'it's still in the box, where it's been since the day you gave it to her, and will be for the foreseeable future'

Furniture, trinkets, ornaments, jewellery have value if they’re currently in fashion, or if they’re made of a commodity / valuable stuff (gold, platinum, silver, diamonds...), or if they’re rare and well-crafted. The things your DD has sound more like they’d fall into the “other peoples old ornaments” category than the “fabulous investment piece”.
Brown furniture, fur coats, etc? Generally not worth anything much. Ercol? Some of it worth a bit. But in 15 years, it’ll probably go back to being junk-shop rather than antique shop. Even now a lot of more valuable peices are worth purchase price + not-as-much-as-inflation, so not a brilliant investment unless it’s something you enjoyed having.

Keep it in a box somewhere, or get rid if you’ve no space, but at least pay the purchase cost into a savings account for your DC.

when it comes to antiques quality matters even with what is termed brown furniture Edwardian basic mahogany wardrobe will be worth about £50 it will last another 100 years and in terms of value for money is better than a new MDF style one that will fall apart but it is not fashionable hence it is cheaper than IKEA however a early victorian mahogany wardrobe with all original silk linings brass hooks with ornate cornicing etc etc will still fetch a good price not what it may have done 25 years or even 15 but it is not only worth pennies high quality fine antique "brown " furniture can still fetch thousands but it is was never the mass produced type some things go in and out of fashion Clarice Cliff Art Deco and Art Nouveau has gone down in value in past few years but ooriginal Asian Ceramics have risen a lot