"Heirloom" style presents

[ChaosMoon]

For her first birthday MIL bought DD a solid silver cup thing with feet. For Christmas, it was a cut glass ashtray. (Probably not an ashtray.)

Obviously these aren't toys and will apparently be "special" when she grows up.

I have a miniscule set of silverware that was apparently a christening present. They were too tiny and precious to play with as a kid so, what? Was I supposed to grow into a doll's house enthusiast?

There are other examples. We've just moved house and I'm trying to find homes for what is essentially overly expensive tat. It's given me the rage. I've left all DD's stuff on DH's pillow for him to deal with after work, but why must we lug it round for 18 years, just for her to have the same nonsense when she grows up? Oh yes. Because if we don't, MIL will huff when she repeatedly asks about it every birthday. (As she does with similar tat from DH's childhood).
Sigh.

Would anyone else like to bemoan the well intentioned rubbish that they have become curators of?

(I know I should just charity shop it or get over it. The former will lead to too many tedious conversations but I intend to do the latter once I've got it out of my system on here.)

My gran gave me her crystal glasswear - the ones which her husband had bought.

I could buy nicer glasses with an hour of what I earn (my GPs were not rich at all and the quality of the glasses reflect that) but that isn't the point. Every time I use them, I fondly remember my grandparents.

The memories that these things give me of people I loved mean more than what they are worth in monetary terms.

I think a of these traditions stem from when most people had hardly anything. Therefore a tankard or a napkin ring was aspirational and valuable. Also babies died a lot, and it was a way of acknowledging their existence I suppose.

Now we’re all drowning in ‘stuff’ we need a rethink on things like this.

We did get loads of very impractical China children's crockery tho (when do you use it? baby will throw on floor; six year old won't thank you for a bunny egg cup)

The Bunnykins mug, plate and bowl are incredibly hardwearing, they've survived two toddlers in my house. My logic was use them, if they get broken so what, at least they've been used.

I have a very large Brambly something plate from DS's christening. Ever since I've used it as a serving platter. It's done very well for 26 years. We also still use other bits of Peter Rabbit China- DS rather likes his cereal in his Peter Rabbit bowl when he comes home!

My friend used her very expensive champagne flutes - given as a wedding gift - for her and DH's breakfast juice!
Her view was 'use and enjoy'.

@Lockdownbear

We did get loads of very impractical China children's crockery tho (when do you use it? baby will throw on floor; six year old won't thank you for a bunny egg cup)

The Bunnykins mug, plate and bowl are incredibly hardwearing, they've survived two toddlers in my house. My logic was use them, if they get broken so what, at least they've been used.

yes I agree with you @Lockdownbear, but my DH was not of the same view. I have some gorgeous (and I really do like them) flutes we got for our wedding but we don't use them in case I break them (quite likely frankly) but so what? At least they are used.

@BeastOfBODMAS

My mother palmed this hideous shit off on me when she downsized recently. I call them Baby With Floor Blancmange and Strangling Christmas Dinner.

Heirlooms my left arse cheek

Beware of being conveniently gifted crap that someone else feels bad about dumping.

Paying forward the pain of tat😁

@Bitofachinwag

NormanStangerson
I can’t stop laughing about the single napkin rings. 🤭

They make sense in families where everyone has their own personal napkin ring at the dinner table and fabric napkins are used every day

We use fabric napkins at mealtimes and my family is arguably ‘posh’ (my dad is titled, don’t ask, it’s all a load of bollocks). Anyway, this ridiculous show of welcoming a child to the family with an engraved napkin ring that lives in the sideboard at Grand-mama’s house, to be trotted out during very occasional en-masse family meals, smacks of an affectation of ‘poshness’ and ‘properness’.

Our baby gifts were something useful for us either as babies or as we grew. Wasting money on these archaic symbols seems like a thundering waste of good funds, what?

OP, would you feel the same if it was your own mother giving you these heirloom presents rather than you MIL?

Your post comes across as rather rude and unappreciative TBH

It is a load of old shit...!

OP, would you feel the same if it was your own mother giving you these heirloom presents rather than you MIL?

I'm not the Op but I'd probably feel exactly the same, it's cupboard clutter.

If I had my baby cutlery set, stainless Steel in the drawer, I'd feel exactly the same, guilt at binning it but why do I want it?
When I die would my kids want it?
At what point does it make its way to the great recycling center?

@Clymene

No one wants cut glass or silver cups. My parents have a canteen of silver cutlery and a sideboard full of cut crystal glasses. Worth bobbins.

If she wants to give your DD something that will increase in value, buy her a junior ISA.

I wouldn't want those things but clearly some people, including the granny in this story, want them.

Pack them away OP. Call it keeping them safe and don't think about them again until DD leaves home. She might surprise you by loving them. If not she can take them to the charity shop.

I don’t think it’s necessarily about the investment they bring. Our children’s Baptismal cups are containers of family history. They have the names of previous custodians going back a long way and show the child clearly how they fit into the wider family. My own family were too poor for such things, but my husbands silverware shows the direct line to the founder of one of one of the large model villages on his father’s side. The Baptismal gown shows the link through marriage to his ancestors who emigrated during the Famine.

They bring social history to life. Some might dislike them, and the ghastly tat sold in Samuels doesn’t deserve house room, I agree. Our children like theirs and want them for themselves, but know at the moment they belong with us. They will almost definitely use the gown for their own children’s Baptisms. We, or their uncles will have our cups engraved for the next generation.

@LemonRoses

I don’t think it’s necessarily about the investment they bring. Our children’s Baptismal cups are containers of family history. They have the names of previous custodians going back a long way and show the child clearly how they fit into the wider family. My own family were too poor for such things, but my husbands silverware shows the direct line to the founder of one of one of the large model villages on his father’s side. The Baptismal gown shows the link through marriage to his ancestors who emigrated during the Famine.

They bring social history to life. Some might dislike them, and the ghastly tat sold in Samuels doesn’t deserve house room, I agree. Our children like theirs and want them for themselves, but know at the moment they belong with us. They will almost definitely use the gown for their own children’s Baptisms. We, or their uncles will have our cups engraved for the next generation.

But these are actual heirlooms.
A cup or a single napkin ring from John Lewis is not, it's a pile of useless shite that nobody wants. Surely you understand the difference?

I think she just wants to ensure that she is not forgotten. Photos suffice for most people!!

I think that's exactly it @Serin.

She is very generous in many ways. She's just also got a very set idea about what a meaningful gift looks like. DH has spent years trying to explain that he doesn't want this kind of stuff and now it's DD's turn. Such is life. The floor boards have arrived for the attic so they'll be out of the way soon.

Yes, of course JesusWeptonaBike. I also understand that when it was created, the Baptismal gown was a simple, handmade Irish linen gown crafted by women skilled in lacemaking and sewing. It wasn’t an heirloom then; it was a simple gown for a baby (albeit a baby from quite a wealthy family). Similarly the silver cups started as simple Baptism gifts. Their value is in their social history that can only be acquired if people hang on to them and pass them down the family lines.
You don’t buy heirlooms. They become heirlooms over time. Probably not from John Lewis, in fairness.

@QueenKit

My aunt bought me a string of pearls for my 18th. I was a bit bewildered as I was in to the alternative scene at that age and they were very much not my style. My mum said 'you'll be glad of them when you're older' - well I'm now 47 and have still never made use of them!

I left a string of pearls at my best friend's house after her wedding , had planned to wear with bridesmaid dress to pretend to be all grown up (was - 23 years ago) . Took me ages to notice i didn't have the so never hunted them down or missed them !