Getting out of the British Army early?

[alixxx1]

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

There is no guarantee he wouldn't be deployed in the first 3 years, or in fact where he would be based. You choose a preference, but ultimately they can sent you where you are needed! Even if not deployed, duty weekends and exercise is time away from camp as well.

@alixxx1 my DH is a different service so not directly comparable sorry. Look up ukforceswags on Facebook, if the group still exists it's got thousands of military spouses, hugely useful (and terrifying in equal measure ha)

However, what I do know is there isn't any strain in terms of spouse relationship so he wouldn't need the marriage quarters anyway

What do you mean by this?

Just googled and the trial is 3 years long and started Sep 2019 so hopefully shouldn't be long until it's across all bases but I would caution that the military is pretty old school when it comes to recognising marriage and I suspect that will take a while to change, I wasn't treated very well as a girlfriend but that's a whole other thread!

@alixxx1

I think your friend/family member was either incredibly naive or didn't read any of the information he will have been given during the recruitment process. The armed forces can base you in many different places, you can request postings but no guarantees, you can deploy you at very short notice, it's called being in the military. It's not an easy life for the spouse/partner but living on/near base is a good idea because other families are a great for support. Compassionate leave is generous compared to the private sector and your friend/family member can arrange the care for their parent, social services will help eg with residential care seeming the best option for rapidly deteriorating. The padre on base is usually the best person for personal support.

Because my dd was under 18 I went to all her meetings at the armed forces recruiter and co-signed forms, at no point was she ever offered to stay local, never happens

[quote 21Flora]@alixxx1 that isn’t entirely true, there is only housing for non married if there are spare houses. I know on our base there is a massive waiting list with people waiting at least a year.[/quote]
Is that just for Army? We're in RAF married quarters (not married) and had an offer within a week, as did quite a few non-married couples we know!

@RosaBudDrood if it's Wittering that's a trial area, if it's not it's likely an area with a lot of surplus housing. But that's the way it's going, I do wonder how they'll cope in areas with shortages but I guess the other elements of the model will help (financial support towards mortgages and rent in private housing)

It really depends where you are as to what the housing stock is like, and how in demand it is. Here a lot was sold off and never replaced, so there isn't enough to meet demand for married couples and a wait list for unmarried. But the next camp alongs patch is half empty, and people can move in there with no wait, it's quite a commute though.

[quote name8793]@RosaBudDrood if it's Wittering that's a trial area, if it's not it's likely an area with a lot of surplus housing. But that's the way it's going, I do wonder how they'll cope in areas with shortages but I guess the other elements of the model will help (financial support towards mortgages and rent in private housing)[/quote]
No, it's not. There does seem to be quite a few bases around us that do have a lot of housing, so I guess that's why it's easier for non-married couples to get in quickly.

I don’t mean to be negative but I’ve found managing my expectations has made my life a lot easier. In the beginning I’d be awfully upset when my husband would come home and tell me he was going away the next week but by having no expectations it’s easier to deal with.

[quote name8793]@alixxx1 it's really going to depend on his trade. We have friends who haven't been deployed in the years we've known them, others that go every year (usually shorter terms though) it's very trade specific, it would really help if you could find some wives from the trade he's going into. Same with postings, I know trades that stay put for 5+ years, others that only allow you to stay there 2 years. My DH is only getting his first choice posting now after 10 years of never getting the posting he wanted, but that's specific to his trade.[/quote]
This.

@motogogo do you know how generous the compassionate leave is? How long he could expect?

@RosaBudDrood Yes, army!

Compassionate leave is authorised by his CO and can be up to 4 weeks. He needs to read JSP 760, chapter 22 as this will give him all the information.

My nearly 10yo is on her 7th home and fifth school. 8yo on her 6th home and fourth school. 3 countries.
On the other hand I've known people who haven't moved in that whole time. You can't generalise about mobility. We've now settled in our own home, nowhere near a base, DH commutes and works from home a couple of days a week... Obviously not everything can be done from home. He's also waiting to hear if he will deploy for 7months next year...

He needs to talk to anyone who will listen... SSAFA, Welfare, Padre, Med services, whoever his direct boss is.

Good luck. I believe the Army is romanticised by those on the outside. The truth is it's a contradiction... Brilliant and rubbish at the same time.

Combat Stress helpline might be able to give him advice as well.

I’m a military wife, DH retires this year after 35yrs service, and DS1 has been a soldier for 7 years. I’ve seen this scenario play out time and time again. People with the potential to have good careers get pressurised from home (I don’t believe that OP isn’t the soldier in question’s wife) and they convince themselves that a forces’ career is not for them and jack it all in.

DS1 absolutely hated Phase 2. He wasn’t too bothered about Phase 1 because he loves the fitness and the exercises. It was once he got to regiment that he started to love it. DS1 always said training was a means to an end.

I don’t know why you’d think he’d not go away in the first three years. DS1 is about to go on his 7 deployment abroad. There’s, also, all the exercises for months on end that they do in this country too, not to mention the flood relief and Covid testing program they’ve helped with.

In reality his NOK who is poorly is going to need specialist care. He could get that set up and stay in the army. I’d be trying to get him to see the reasons he went in and the bigger picture for the future.

@TheFairyCaravan well how do people 'pressures from home' jack it in so easily if this person can't even leave on the grounds of mental health and a family crisis?

It's good to hear a positive story for your DS1 and DH in the military.

And he just didn't think he'd be deployed, he said it's to do with his trade and length of training that it's unlikely he would be deployed anywhere in his first 3 years.

I have tried to explain his reasons for joining and the progression and career plan he had in place but he seems totally unbothered by it. I'm at a loss on how to help or what to do.

[quote alixxx1]@name8793
@21Flora

I must have my information wrong on that subject then! Oops. I thought he had said that married quarters were accessible to him if he wanted. However, what I do know is there isn't any strain in terms of spouse relationship so he wouldn't need the marriage quarters anyway x[/quote]
‘Married quarters’ is the old name, the newer name (for quite a few years) is ‘Service Families Accommodation’ which reflected the situation that in addition to marriages and civil partnerships, a soldier with family responsibilities could have an SFA.
(E.g. single parent)
These are an ‘entitlement’ which can mean that if SFA isn’t available then the services can provide substitute SFA from the private market (and the family pay their entitled rental rate with the balance subsidised)

More recently an established relationship has been added to the eligibility for SFA, this isn’t a trial but is an addition to the entitlements. As it’s only eligibility rather than entitlement it means SFA is only provided if available and not as private substitute.

Surplus SFA were made available to soldiers with low eligibility, and it was stopped for a number of years. The MoD no longer owns most of the SFA as they were sold and hired back to raise capital*. With a smaller number in the 3 services if there were ‘surplus’ then they ought to have been returned to the owner and to stop the MoD paying for unnecessary housing. Or they could be hired out at full market rent.
More recently surpluses have been made available again

In certain trial areas there is the FAM trial which is the Future Accommodation Model which has a different set of entitlements/eligibility and offers an allowance - the soldier/family can then have a choice between families SFA, singles SLA (Single Living Accommodation) and going to private rental with an allowance to contribute to the market rent.
Ultimately as FAM develops a lot of the SFA estate will be returned to the owners and the private market with an allowance will become the default

aff.org.uk/advice/housing/applying-sfa-ssfa/

• The SFA were sold to Annington Homes to raise capital for investment due to years of not maintaining them. They are rented back at a discounted rate on the basis that the MoD maintains them instead of the landlord (in which case full market rent should be paid) Not all of that capital was spent on improving the SFA and was spent by governments elsewhere. That means the MoD are subsidising by paying rent to Annignton, maintaining and need to pay to get surplus SFA up to the right standard before they can be given back to the owner - hence FAM

Army aside, realistically it will be incredibly difficult and a huge strain on his MH providing 24/7 care, his relative now needs full time care which in reality is residential care. He does not need to sacrifice his well-being to be a full time carer, emotional aside he has to do what’s best for this relative and giving up his career isn’t it. Perhaps with his relative settled and receiving appropriate care he would find the Army easier to settle in to.

I know nothing about the Army, sorry, but I do know a lot about Parkinsons Disease and Dementia.
These are both degenerative conditions, so, bad as the situation is now, it will get worse as the conditions progress.
1 individual will eventually find it impossible to provide care for another person who has these conditions.
It will require a team of carers to provide 24/7 care.
1 person caring on their own, would be unable to take any time off as there will be safety issues for the person requiring care and they will be unable to be left unattended for any length of time - if at all.
Talking to someone, one step removed from the home situation, eg Padre, would be a good idea OP, and may give your friend some clarity on what he really wants/needs to do.

Fact is, he isn't happy there. He doesn't want to be there. So he should leave. By any (none violent or criminal) means necessary if needs be.

He has a family to think of! And it sounds like it would be better for him to be home and find a more 'normal' and less eventful job, with no travel

He has a family to think of! And it sounds like it would be better for him to be home and find a more 'normal' and less eventful job, with no travel

But presumably he had good reasons for joining in the first place. Those surely haven’t disappeared.

Having normal negative emotions in response to a stressful and challenging situation isn't mental illness. It's part of life and something he should be taking steps to manage.

What strategies is he using to help himself?

@cherryboos

Fact is, he isn't happy there. He doesn't want to be there. So he should leave. By any (none violent or criminal) means necessary if needs be.

He has a family to think of! And it sounds like it would be better for him to be home and find a more 'normal' and less eventful job, with no travel

But if you want a non eventful job with no travel, you don't join the army.

It's not its a secret about what's expected and that once you commit, you're in for a set period, in all but exceptional circumstances.

He only joined a year ago, so his reasons for joining are unlikely to have changed, and he can’t be the one to give care to his relative.

It sounds like he’s being emotionally manipulated to come out. And that’s one thing, but what happens when he gets out. With no job and his reasons still standing, there is likely to be a huge amount of unhappiness and resentment.

H*is family need him for medical reasons
*
Did he not consider this when joining up? What will they do when and if he's posted abroad??
What medical reason can he alone perform that no other medically trained person can?

It's really common to have a period of fear once the novelty period ends when the realities of the new job kick in. He can't just walk away like a sulky teen. It's part of growing as a person to rise to a challenge. He needs to take responsibility and have a 1:1 now with whoever is able to help him in the army. That sounds like a criticism but it's not, often fear is built up to become a massive monster in someone's head until they talk through things with someone impartial, not family or friends. Someone who has no emotional connection.