Getting out of the British Army early?

[alixxx1]

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

@Wingedharpy

I know nothing about the Army, sorry, but I do know a lot about Parkinsons Disease and Dementia. These are both degenerative conditions, so, bad as the situation is now, it will get worse as the conditions progress. 1 individual will eventually find it impossible to provide care for another person who has these conditions. It will require a team of carers to provide 24/7 care. 1 person caring on their own, would be unable to take any time off as there will be safety issues for the person requiring care and they will be unable to be left unattended for any length of time - if at all. Talking to someone, one step removed from the home situation, eg Padre, would be a good idea OP, and may give your friend some clarity on what he really wants/needs to do.

This. You're asking the wrong question. You shouldn't be asking how does he get out of the army, the question you should asking is how does he secure appropriate care for his vulnerable relation. Giving up his job to provide 24/7 care isn't the answer here.

And, from experience?

Caring for relatives takes a lot more mental fortitude and is so much harder than anything I experienced in basic or trade trading. Hands down.

We all know you are the guys partner or wife. It's kinda silly to just pretend and the reason you are is because it's obvious you just want him home to help out with family life.
You've now admitted rs not really about the Ill family member.
You said he thought about leaving in the early days...he still is in the early days! He hasn't finished training, he is barely got his foot in the door. He just needs to give it a chance.
You says he's looking at the bigger picture, when clearly he is not. He is looking at the short term picture and wants to give up a brand new career.
He needs to get stuck in, involved, make friends etc and I'm sure he will be happier.

Echoing what had been put above - if a best interests meeting had established the relative needs 24hour care then they need this now and cannot wait for what seems like a protracted and unclear discharge process from the army. Also providing 24/7 care for a high risk, dependent relative is exceptionally stressful and likely to feel as much as a "prison" as the army. He really needs to take the relative issue out of it, this person needs professional care.

He really needs to sit down and talk through his options and work out what he does and doesn't like about the army with staff who understand the process. He obviously felt this was the right decision for him (and I'm assuming over a number of years as these decisions are made lightly). What has changed? COVID has made everything shite, It would be a shame for him to make life changing decisions if things can be improved.

DH left last year after 12 years. There are two seperate issues here-

• Sick relative needs care now. And not "I can do this for now" care provided by a young, untrained relative with a family of their own scrimping by on carers' allowance, it needs to be a long term solution that means that as time goes on and their mobility/capacity/declines there's as little disruption to the relative as possible. That is likely to mean a Care Home. The situation with the relative isn't going to be a get out of army card, so start thinking about plan b. Once a plan is in place he's likely to feel massive relief.

• He may be realising that life in the army isn't for him. Ok, but he's done a year and only got three to go. He could be leaving at 33yo with a trade, good experience and a few years of earning decent money behind him, plus all the funding and help with resettlement. Those are amazing pluses. He needs to work on making the best of the commitment he's made by engaging with welfare to get support to enable him to help his sick family member where possible, put in effort with the training, getting on the right side of his superiors, making friends and just generally stop thinking it's all really shit. Because it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

@TheCraicDealer thank you.

I have suggested to him to try and get the four weeks carers leave so he can sort the home stuff out and have reminded him that he would be leaving with a trade and a good cv.

He has said compassionate leave may likely delay moving to his chosen base even longer which would make him more miserable. He is awaiting a phone call from a doctor today.

TheCraicDealer is completely right.

@TheCraicDealer he also said compassionate leave may mean he ends up on another course again too, which would mean going through the same as when he was isolated with COVID as it was at this point he said he felt the most miserable in terms of the job. So it would be new people again and changed goal posts.

@TheCraicDealer I have forwarded your message to him. Thank you again.

@alixxx1 yes going on any kind of leave (except block leave) will absolutely back course him.

Also, compassionate leave isn't easy to get and he's not guaranteed the maximum so he needs Plan B in place. Also Plans C through F just in case.

Army training courses are run as pré arranged times. I don't know if they'd let him jump in where he left off (in my day not) bearing in mind that even things that to a civilian eye don't seem to depend on it, teamwork is usually a factor. Not easy if you chop and change.

In trades where you have a choice of where to go, unless it's changed greatly, the best ones will go to those who do best on the course. Not always best grades, but good team players who work hard. It is, like so many things, often down to personality.

He needs to get over this “being with new people” thing. What does he think is going to happen when he gets to regiment? It’s not like being at school where you go through your whole career with the same 30 people you joined up with. Being in the army is all about being adaptable and flexible.

I’m agog at this, tbh. I went to the careers office with DS1 before he joined up, so I do know that they make absolutely clear that when you sign on you sign on for 4 years, the army more or less own you, you never have any guarantees of sleeping in your own bed or cooking your own tea regardless of where you wake up on a morning. Teenagers understand this so I can’t believe that a 30 year old man didn’t.

He needs to get over this “being with new people” thing

Yeah im a bit amazed at this too. Teams change fairly often. There will be new people joining fairly routinely from training/postings. Gone are the days of standard whole unit deployments (mainly - though they still happen). These days smaller teams deploy to do a specific role, sometimes these teams know each other before deployment, sometimes not.

may likely delay moving to his chosen base even longer which would make him more miserable.

He can state a preference, he cannot choose his base. He could be sent anywhere, something he will be well aware of, despite what he says as its stated and made clear throughout both the application process and through training. As has been said, courses only run from set dates, he could face a long wait to rejoin another if he misses a chunk of time, which wouldn't be good..

Gosh, it has to be said, for someone who isn’t a partner and clearly isn’t a sibling (or you’d have the same relative) and is your age, he seems to spend a long time and constantly talking to you about this.

And for someone saying it has no impact on your life you come across as heavily invested in trying to get him out, you’d even habe went for dishonourable discharge if you thought it would get him out quicker and he’d agree to it

I think that’s why everyone thinks it’s your partner.

On a side note there is no way at all he was told he’d be home in time for tea for three years, so he’s fibbing.

Also however he gets out, and he will get out, due to either medical reasons or dd, will cause him issue in getting another job. Neither will be seen as a positive in civvie street.

For the trade training length I'm gonna say signals or reme. If his immediate line management have said no then he needs in with the doctor asap and the Padre.

Compassionate leave would not be infinite, standard is 2 weeks to sort stuff out.

But as I've pointed out before it will mean him being loaded onto yet another course and delaying his completion.

Ultimately he needs a plan for the NOK whether that be care home etc and getting POA if required. He may well find his seniors are more approachable if he states he needs to do x, y, z instead of just saying I can't cope, we are very much a "don't give me the problem, give me the solution" culture.

@Bluntness100 I didn't know what a dishonourable discharge was until someone mentioned it or how bad it is. Someone mentioned it so I simply asked what the process is so I could tell him, thinking I was helping. But as everyone else has said, and he said too, it's not an option and it's really bad for him. I was simply asking a question. I don't want him to do anything that would give him a bad reputation. I simply want him to do what makes him happy hence why I asked on this forum if anyone had any experience or knew of anybody who successfully had gotten out as any advice I could give him would be appreciated.

It's clear from peoples responses it's going to be an unlikely or lengthy process. He is speaking to a doctor and going to look at compassionate leave in the first instance. He also said, as someone advised, he would speak to the padre.

You were mad to even consider dishonourable discharge, of course it will ruin his life.

Even medical discharge would have complications. Firstly if he ever needs life insurance you can expect to encounter issues, if he has had mental health issues which are so untreatable he has had to leave job you can wave goodbye to any life cover for MH issues.

Also a medical discharge for MH automatically discounts him from many other careers. For example the police, ambulance and fire services all want people who are mentally resilient.

Whatever relationship you are to his, you need to stop being anything other than supportive to his army career.

He needs to have a better attitude to the situation. Instead of saying to his superiors ‘I want to leave’ he needs to explain the situation with the relative and that he will need time to make arrangements for their care. He needs to commit to this career and make the best of it.

He is 30 years old with what we are all assuming is a baby on the way. realistically what other career options are available to him?

@alixxx1

I know nothing about the army. I know a lot about caring for people. This man is suffering with his mental health and thinks he’ll be in a good position to care for the relative? It’s highly emotive, psychologically exhausting and very stressful if you’re fully mentally well to begin with, let alone if you’re so ill you’ve left your career due to it. Depending on their age, relative could live a long time with dementia and PD. Is this man going to give up work and live off (the shameful pittance that is) carers allowance? Are they providing personal care? Is the relative male or female and do they want the man to be doing this care? Is man going to be up day and night?when will he sleep? I think social care need to be involved

Dr, welfare, instructors and padre. In that order. He needs to prove it's affecting him. If he can do that they will usually let them go without a fight.

I don’t buy I’m not the wife.

He will know most of the stuff suggested here, you are bombarded with info, and your learning curve is rapid once in.

He’s no doubt told you he feels shit (settling in with new group) but this is more about the need to have him home. I think you’re checking up on what he’s told you about being unable to get out on a whim. The 2 month delay on him POSSIBLY being based near you is neither here nor there, 2 months is nothing. Taking a (unlikely) period of 4 was compassionate won’t really solve anything. Instead of looking for quick ways to get out (there aren’t any) why not do the legwork on seeking a realistic solution to the relative (which has nothing to do with him being in the Army or not).

He has a potentially wonderful career ahead of him, adapt and encourage him. I was in for 17 years, had some awful times, but mostly brilliant times and consider myself very lucky to have had such an amazing career. I’m now married to a copper - completely unpredictable hours and endless negotiations over trying to book even a week off together. Would be far more stable if he was military!

@Bunnyfuller

He has a potentially wonderful career ahead of him, adapt and encourage him. I was in for 17 years, had some awful times, but mostly brilliant times and consider myself very lucky to have had such an amazing career. I’m now married to a copper - completely unpredictable hours and endless negotiations over trying to book even a week off together. Would be far more stable if he was military!

I am going to mention this to him in depth. Someone else mentioned if he leaves early it could hinder a career in other services. I know he would be devastated about this. He generally is a confident, happy person usually who has the capability to succeed. I will mention to him that the military is stable in comparison to a lot of jobs and reiterate his career prospects.

You were ‘in’ for 17 years and didn’t know what a dishonourable discharge was?

No disrespect but I don’t buy that. At all.

@SheldonesqueTheBstard

You were ‘in’ for 17 years and didn’t know what a dishonourable discharge was?

No disrespect but I don’t buy that. At all.

She was quoting the poster above.

Ok - fair play. Sorry Op. missed it.