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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Getting out of the British Army early?

262 replies

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 14:53

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

OP posts:
loginfail · 07/06/2021 15:30

Lots of companies that pay for training say you have to say X amount of years so they get their money's worth or if you leave, you need to pay the fee. Usually thousands

Yep.. Has the individual got the option of buying themselves out?

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 15:31

So he has 3 years left to go. He is a year in and is still in some form of training. He has no previous mental health history but is starting to feel anxious being at work and as each passing week goes by is 'ground down' with the pressure of the army and the affect it is having on family life and family members mental health too.

He has had a meeting today and been refused to leave which I believe he will be appealing. I think it's a disgrace in all honesty. He is a 30 year old man with valid reasons. He knew what he was signing up for but he couldn't predict the impact the army would have on his mental health.

He said he feels like he is in prison.

And to answer someone else's question if he said I don't feel like working today they'd make him work his weekend and if he point blank refused and stayed at home he is AWOL and could go to prison.

OP posts:
Lockheart · 07/06/2021 15:31

@MiddleParking

Woah, I didn’t know this was a thing! Sinister!
Not really, lots of jobs will tie you in contractually for a set amount of time if they invest significantly in training you. I had similar with my ACA and will have similar with my CTA. I can still leave, but I'll have to pay them back quite a bit of money if I leave before a certain time has passed. They pay for me to train, I agree to stay for X amount of time. It's the same in the armed services.

It's pretty standard practice in lots of jobs. I think it used to be the same for medical students if the NHS funded some or all of their degrees, but I could be wrong.

Hankunamatata · 07/06/2021 15:31

The person needs to go talk to the doctor. The army are quite hot on mental health IF the person seeks help.

fairynick · 07/06/2021 15:31

I don’t know whether it’s any different from the Royal Marines. An ex-colleague of my brother booked a flight to Istanbul and told them he was flying over to go to Syria and fight ISIS.
He obtained maps of Syria put them in his rucksack etc, and they discharged him on the spot. He would have had to give a two year notice, but for a £300 flight managed to go get out instantly.

name8793 · 07/06/2021 15:32

But seriously, can you/they change roles within the army if what you're currently doing doesn't suit? Is that allowed?* What if you're unable to meet the fitness requirements? Or do they shout at you/chase after you with a gun so you do?*

You can only change roles after serving minimum service within a role and it depends on the manning level of the trade leaving/going to. But yes it is possible, but likely too soon.

He will most likely have met all the fitness requirements by this stage. If he fails a routine fitness test he wouldn't get kicked out immediately, likely downgraded, put on a programme etc.

It will delay training and likely family separation.

BarbaraofSeville · 07/06/2021 15:33

When he joined he would have had to go through a rigorous interview and onboarding process. He would have had to convince them that he was committed to the term. What changed

Plus, from the experience of a friend who recently joined the Navy, there's the basic training at the beginning, so presumably that gives you a good flavour about what's expected and whether you like, are capable and can tolerate it and you're not committed until you pass this bit.

name8793 · 07/06/2021 15:33

OP I just want to add training is bloody terrible for all of the family, but military life gets much easier and "normal" after, it's a very artificial time, particularly if you plan to go accompanied eventually. Military life isn't easy, but training is not reflective of what it's like the majority of the time.

Lockheart · 07/06/2021 15:36

Basic training is definitely the worst bit, if he's made it through that then I think he'd be better suited seeking counselling to deal with the anxiety rather than quitting his job.

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 15:42

He was isolated due to COVID (he didn't have it) and then kicked off of his course and put on to another because he missed parts whilst in isolation, so is with completely new people now. This pushed his finish date back by two months for when he'd be expected to be back near home. He currently lives four hours away which he was meant to be home in September/October but has now been pushed back to February time based on COVID and other things not related to ability. But the goalposts moving has had an impact on family life/children. So the mixture of new people on the course, a delay in being at a base near home, longer not being with his family who require his presence for medical reasons also, along with the demands of the job and a weekend
'Curfew' has started to get on top of him. I don't know if I'm describing that in the best way but to me it seems unreasonable to not allow somebody who is mentally suffering to leave.

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 07/06/2021 15:47

I didn't think you could rely on being near to home when being in the army?

Everyone I know who's been in the forces has been posted here, there and everywhere and I don't think they had a choice about it so they have to live separately from their families, or they need to follow them to on/near the base where the service member is posted.

GiantToadstool · 07/06/2021 15:47

It sounds like family are putting pressure on him too?

Takemetothebar · 07/06/2021 15:49

Is the family needing him for medical
Reasons a new thing? If so, there is a mechanism for compassionate discharge, though I don’t know what would qualify.

Tommika · 07/06/2021 15:49

If joined as an adult then you can either leave in the first few months or after 4 years, and need to give a years notice. (The year includes resettlement options so is better than getting up and walking out)

Going for drugs and a dishonourable discharge has many consequences

It’s possible to leave early for various reasons. Go to the padre, welfare or CO with the concerns as to why you/they need to leave.

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 15:50

and that is one of the many reasons of being in the army he is suffering mentally. So although he acknowledges it's part of the job role, isn't it still unethical to keep somebody prisoner to something that is only having an obvious decline in their mental health? I'm sure there are many people naive to the pressures that come with the army, and think they are mentally stable enough to take it on and crumble like he is. And for those isn't there any way they can leave? X

OP posts:
name8793 · 07/06/2021 15:50

@alixxx1 I'm really sorry it sounds horrendous. DH and I have often said how awful training must have been this last year, it's always difficult being an older recruit as well. I can imagine how difficult it has been for your whole family. I think you'll have good grounds to dig your heels in and say with everything that's happened last year, mental health etc that it isn't right for you all anymore (though I don't think it'll be quick). But I do really think it's worth taking a step back and remembering why he joined up in the first place, presumably it was a family decision, are you planning on moving to base? I suppose it's weighing up whether this short term pain (though I appreciate doesn't feel short term) will be worth it in the long term. I promise you you've had the worst timing of it all and what you're experiencing now isn't how it'll be forever, we've had a fantastic life as a military family, but I do remember the difficulty of training, without Covid!

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 15:51

Yes, there is family pressures based on medical need to have his presence at home, too.

OP posts:
porridgeface · 07/06/2021 15:53

He needs to address this with his course staff ASAP, I think it's harder to get out once you have completed phase 2. Don't consider DD route though as that could cause implications for future employment.
Also if he's someone that needs to be at home maybe the Army isn't the right place for him; you're not always guaranteed to be based near your home.
It sucks though, training can be hard enough without all the added disruption COVID has brought.

Tommika · 07/06/2021 16:02

@alixxx1

Yes, there is family pressures based on medical need to have his presence at home, too.
With the further posts this is definitely a welfare matter. So the same - he needs to speak to the padre - welfare (assuming the refusal so far has been with the OC, if not he can escalate but the padre/welfare are well placed to support that) Also if this is impacting on his mental health then the doctor.

The situation needs to take into account what next for him. Will leaving the army resolve the problem ? Perhaps yes with the family issues, but also perhaps not if it means he becomes unemployed

As he is still in training the situation will change majorly when he completes and os posted to a unit.
The needs of the army come first, but can have things arranged to support the individual and their family

suspiria777 · 07/06/2021 16:05

@alixxx1

Yes, there is family pressures based on medical need to have his presence at home, too.
can you explain why this is? I can't think of something that would require him to be at home that the army wouldn't take into consideration for discharge or leave or something -- if it's a genuine medical issue???
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/06/2021 16:05

@ChainJane

The only sure-fire way I can think of is to get dishonourably discharged. Drug taking, drunkenness, fighting, racist behaviour, done appropriately can get you kicked out. You have to be careful though to not go too far with criminality because you might get locked up as part of the court martial process.
This is absolute rubbish. OP please dpnt advise this. Im in the army (albeit nearly leaving - only 4 months left!) If its mental health issues she can go and see her Dr, and be discharged on medical grounds. Be warned though, its a long process and she'll have to jump through hoops.
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/06/2021 16:08

@alixxx1

He was isolated due to COVID (he didn't have it) and then kicked off of his course and put on to another because he missed parts whilst in isolation, so is with completely new people now. This pushed his finish date back by two months for when he'd be expected to be back near home. He currently lives four hours away which he was meant to be home in September/October but has now been pushed back to February time based on COVID and other things not related to ability. But the goalposts moving has had an impact on family life/children. So the mixture of new people on the course, a delay in being at a base near home, longer not being with his family who require his presence for medical reasons also, along with the demands of the job and a weekend 'Curfew' has started to get on top of him. I don't know if I'm describing that in the best way but to me it seems unreasonable to not allow somebody who is mentally suffering to leave.
Having read this, he'll be pointed to welfare and see if anything that can be sorted out to solve these problems first. Discharge on medical grounds is always a last option if other options have failed/are clearly not suitable.
Hankunamatata · 07/06/2021 16:08

Our of interest - what was he going to do when he went on tour. He would have been away for 6 months?

Hankunamatata · 07/06/2021 16:10

And if never heard of anyone being guaranteed to be put a base near home after training.

kirinm · 07/06/2021 16:11

My friend tried to escape and was put in military prison. It is not normal that you are forced to stay somewhere and risk prison if you want to leave.

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