Getting out of the British Army early?

[alixxx1]

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

@LowlandLucky how long had he been in please?

Compassionate leave would be for a week or so. Possibly. If he were in a civvy job this early in he would just have to Chuck the job in, no pay, and no compassionate leave in this circumstance. He needs to help organise a permanent solution for his relative - other family, or carers.

If he wasn’t in the Army, would he just leave his job to become a full time carer?

Instead of reinforcing his feeling low during basic training, why not help encourage him to re-engage, get into some sport he likes, show him you are coping, instead of putting pressure on him to ‘just leave’.

He has literally got a job for life, and you could both have a really good life with your children, with a massive support network. Find out when he can get a married quarter, that will help you both enormously. But also get your head around needing to be self-sufficient, and getting some good friends for when he’s away.

I find it bizarre that people are encouraging DD.

Are they really serious, or will they next be suggesting a pair of pants on your head, pencils up your nose and saying wibble?

A dishonorable discharge will negatively impact his career prospects for the rest of his life.

If he is struggling he should ask for mental health support and counseling. He needs to go through the proper service channels. If they can help him adapt, they will. It’s not an unusual problem. There are people to talk to who have faced the same challenges. If he is truly suffering a mental breakdown, then he will be diagnosed and declared unfit to serve.

If he's phase 2 then the first thing he needs to do is engage with his instructors - are they aware that there has been a change of circumstances at home?
Next, he needs to book an appointment with the Med centre and one with the padre and discuss his feelings with them.

He also needs to work at getting to know his new team. Is he out of quarantine now? If so, can he go and meet his new team? Things don't feel so bad when you don't feel alone.

He’s declining because he isn’t getting what he wants! Relatives can feel ill at any time, and no job will let you just leg it. You both have to take practical steps around what CAN be done - ie help with the relative.

To me this sounds more like he’s pissed off he was back-coursed, as are you because you want him home, and the relative, whilst upsetting, really isn’t his responsibility- not a man with a family to support.

Again, go to Families Officer, get to know other army wives, and start making this work for you - you need to follow him around, not hope in vain for him to be locally posted. What happens when he goes on 6 weeks exercise in Norway or something? Or the Falklands for 6 months? Or Cyprus?

What made him join the army? Are those things still relevant? Probably best he concentrates on the benefits which I presume he must have thought there were some. Why can no one else (whether next of kin or not) help with the family member?

A CO can authorise up to 4 weeks compassionate leave. After that it would come out of annual leave and you can sometimes call forward annual
Leave or take a consolidated lump sum in one go which is slightly more than normal
Allocation.

What trade is he in OP ?

I think the culture often depends on the trade, my DH has been in for 20 years (Jesus!) and we have found that when we have needed help from welfare they have been brilliant, but I know that isn’t everyone’s experience.

I think his first port of call needs to be his welfare officer, look at options and go from there.

Just because he is next of kin does not make him responsible, there are other caring options than a 30yo giving up their career to care for them. It's not a sustainable plan.

Why did he want to join in the first place? Focusing on why he wanted to join and the long term plan might help the short term feel more bearable. Many things feel impossible until they are done.

I think it might be easier to get in touch with social services for the recently diagnosed family member. Whether he is able to leave or not, at least he can relax a bit knowing they're being supported. Surely the medical staff diagnosing/treating them know that they're only relative is away in the army and can also help put support in place?

@alixxx1

The reasons are relatable to mental health issues caused by being in the army. Not only on the employee but on family too. I'm not sure if it's unreasonable to think leaving would be on option on this basis? But surely keeping someone in an environment that is causing a serious decline in mental health would be unethical to not allow him to leave? Maybe I am wrong though.

Are you the spouse who wants your partner to leave?

Only thing to get out quicker would be to get medically discharged. He really needs to book an appointment with the on-site doctor if he’s in phase 1 or 2 (depending on where phase 2 is) or his gp if not in phase 1 or 2 . Also being backtrooped is tough, anyone will say that who has gone through it but from what everyone says one they’re out of phase 1 and 2 it gets a lot easier. I’m sorry to be a pain but you’re part of the problem here too. Most military personals are advised to tell their partners not to keep saying they want them back home/ their struggling at home too as this makes it far worse for the person away and makes wanting to leave even worse. Sadly I’ve been in your position with a partner hating the training stages but it does get easier once out of the training. Don’t go down the dishonourable discharge as he will probably end up in military prison and knowing RMP members it’s worse then phase 1 for curfews and being told what to do and wouldn’t guarantee him being home any quicker abs could be longer till he’s out the environment he hates. Look at the MD route so he knows there is a way out and out of training is far better

I'm familiar with the US Army, not the BA, so take this with a grain of salt. Emergency leave in the USA is usually given because of a discreet, short term need, like attending a family funeral, visiting a terminally ill relative or the birth of a child. It is granted at the discretion of command authority for no more than 30 days, including round-trip travel. I'd be really surprised if it's a lot different in the BA.

I think the Army is going to expect alternative arrangements to be worked out for the ill relative.

Would just like to point out that medical discharge is also not a quick and easy process.

He should engage with the army welfare service and his family should stop piling the pressure on him to quit. If it's not you who is encouraging him to leave then can you not speak to whoever is giving him a hard time? I'd be trying to find ways to encourage him to stay, not make a swift exit.

As harsh as it sounds, people do get sick and people do die. Presumably if he leaves he won't become a full time carer as he still needs to work full time?

He may be able to get compassionate leave to help arrange permanent care but if there's other family members then it shouldn't really be necessary and it can probably be done remotely anyway. Can you not help?

I work abroad and have only seen my husband once in the past year. Covid has been shit for many people but you really do need to keep the bigger picture in mind.

This definitely reads as though you're looking for any excuse to get him out.

I have just read your other thread about you being bullied in work and your DP being upset because you are crying down the phone to him, so genuinely how much of his issues are army related, how much is the other relative and how much is it you wanting him back because you aren't coping?

I think its unfair to cry down the phone at him. Can you try to support him , and look for your support elsewhere?

Were you fully on board with him joining up in the first place? It seems you were very set on training taking a certain length of time then him being back home (which was always unlikely) and now that is not the case you/he/other family members want him to pack it in.

Jesus you are getting some really bad advice here OP!!

He has options although none are a quick fix. He can approach his welfare team/padre and explain the home situation where he can either get compassionate leave but means he will still need to come back and be put on a different course again. For compassionate it's usually only a couple of weeks with the understanding the time is to sort out a care plan etc for the NOK.

or if he is adamant he wants to leave then he can get an admin discharge of services no longer required. Its not uncommon and usually seen in the younger soldiers but needs solid reasons which will need to be backed up with NOK medical info.

If his mental health has deteriorated as much as you say then he needs to get in with the doctor. They may/may not give him some sick leave as a bit of respite. But it will be recorded which is what he needs. But he will still need to come back.

The army has already invested ££££ into him so they will be keen to retain him.

If he has been offered a posting closer to home after training the best thing he can do is just grizz through it, I know it's hard, after 20 odd years I am still doing stuff I don't want to do but it's part of what I signed up for.

However reading the later replies, if you are the partner of this person who is simply wanting him home, stop pressurising him, family stress and a nagging partner and trade training will of course play havoc with his MH. So is the problem you or is there his NOK with a genuine need for carer support?

do you know how long the dishonourable discharge process takes?

FFS don't go this route if you ever want to work again. If it is mental health problems, escalate it through all the medical officers and family welfare.

Bottom line: the military don't want people with bad mental health and there should be a way out that way. Try SSAFA

Have now RTFT. So i come from a long line of military family (literally over 100 years) and i was in the army.

My first reaction is how the heck a 30 year old didn't realise the army is tough, and there is no guarantee of where you will be at any time. sorry, but it is beyond belief. Doesn't this person read the papers? watch the news?

That said. Nobody wants to be stuck having to pick up the slack for someone whose heart isn't in it. First thing: speak to troop commander, escalate through squadron (or company or whatever, depending on the regiment) and regimental heirarchy. At the same time contact the families officer and SSAFA.
if he's still in training there will also be other welfare and pastoral oppoertunities. Also the padre or any of the other religious leaders can offer (usually non-judgemental) help and practical resources.

If this person (with the Parkinson's) is actually documented as their next of kin there is more room for manoeuvre. So it is hugely important to make sure this is documented now. Preferably that it had been done at the time of signing up.

Do not ever ever ever go AWOL or "refuse to soldier on" don't even be 5 minutes late for anything. It is really important to continue to be diligent about uniform, training and any duties (guards, pan-bash whatever). The army is much much more sympathetic and understanding of people who still try to pull their weight than flop around moaning about unfair everything is. And unfortunately (it was in my day and still be the case) even with properly diagnosed mental illnesses (depression etc, PTSD not so much but that won't apply here anyway) everyone will look on the afflicted person as a malingerer. That is the nature of the military beast: the team is EVERYTHING.

Military training is really expensive, and contrary to popular belief it isn't easy to get in and stay in. And that has a flipside that they expect you to keep to the agreement you made when you took the Queen's shilling.

Surely you and he both knew that he can be sent all over the place at very short notice. And looking after an elderly relative is a bit of a red herring - no one can do that who works full time, and many people live a long way from family. Maybe he can get time off to visit and make some arrangements. But I don't think becoming a carer for an old person is going to be a valid excuse to quit completely. I would also think it's not worth it as he may well find the level of care too much and end up having to use residential care anyway. Was he going to move in with him?
He is coming across as quite flakey to be honest. I think he needs to just grit his teeth and get on with it. And you really need to be positive and supportive, don't try and make him leave - he will only end up resenting you.
It must be really hard to be in your position, pregnant and on your own, but presumably he really wanted to join the army and it wasn't just a whim.

I'm actually really surprised there are people who have the time to sit and troll through my old posts, put two and two together, make 10, and then bash me about this post as if I am some nagging army wife and that I should be supporting the individual in question. I appreciate I am giving limited information but that's to protect the privacy of the individual in question. I have given brief details of what the matter is, which is this person has a NOK with a terminal illness and is himself suffering mentally in the army. He has no previous mental health history. This person knows I have wrote on the forum and I am passing all of your advice over and is laughing when I'm being referred to as a nagging army wife.

Not once have I said this is my partner. You will see from my other posts that I am pregnant and have a partner who works away... that doesn't mean anything in relation to this post. My previous posts are irrelevant to this matter that I am asking advice on today. It doesn't matter whether he is my partner or he isn't. Not once have I said what I think this person should do about being in the army to him. I am simply trying to help him and I am TRYING to understand the ethics of how the army operates. So I would appreciate people to stop jumping to conclusions and bashing me.

This post is not about me or any concern I have about this persons choices to be in the army. I am looking for genuine advice on getting out of the army before the four years are up as he has requested I post on his behalf as he would like to keep his identity annonymous.

Sorry if it sounds like I am having a rant but it seems for each couple of helpful posts, there are negative ones aimed at me.