Getting out of the British Army early?

[alixxx1]

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

I don't think he should leave his career to care for a relative.

OP what do you think about the situation? what do you think he should do?

Actually reading this sounds like he never should have signed up. The armed forces is a young mans world, easy without commitments. Married men/women or people with partners and children thrive when they can live in married quarters, others tend to flounder and they just want to be home. Many men in my DPs section were the same. Surely he knew the implications when signing up, there’s never a 100% certainty you’ll be stationed near home.

If he's only a year in he signed up knowing about covid, he also signed up knowing that you can be posted anywhere including overseas for many months at a time. If there's genuine family issues eg health they can get leave but it sounds like he / family misunderstood the commitment he signed up to. My dd is in the forces, her commission is 12 years

@Nachobib you're incorrect. I am grateful for knowledgeable replies even if they aren't in agreement with what I believe, as they are already helping understand the situation And possibilities and I have fed these back whether they are the answers I agree or disagree with.

I stated 'ignorance' referring to an individual making an assumption I am the 'selfish wife' lol. Bit harsh to make that assumption. But like I said there's always one.

my first husband was army, and I am not naive, but you cannot just chuck your notice in like a normal job, speak to the families officer and try and get some help, my ex left handing his notice in after 15 years thought he would get a job easy police turned him down, prison service did same, dont let him leave that easy, we were lucky my wage paid until we split.

I didn't say you described it as a prison....that was a different poster who I then quoted.

I'm not trying to derail this OP, I wish I could offer advice but I can't. PP seemed shocked at the not being able to leave when you want. It used to be even after you left you could be called back up to 10 years later if needed/war broke out. My relative was in the 9th year when it happened.

Going by your other threads you are pregnant. You weren't expecting him to be away so long and now he will be away when the baby is here and his courses extended to next year it's a detriment to you...

@Horehound oops sorry haha.

@Horehound I am pregnant but this post has nothing to do with me 🙂😂

@Horehound I guess you're another one who would like to make an assumption I am a selfish wife

He will potentially be medically downgraded but would not get out quickly.

Only way out is do something very wrong or be very ill. Neither are a good route.

Instead you should both engage with the vast amount of support that is available, far, far more than Civvy St. No waiting for CBT/counselling, no 6 sessions only.

Are they trying to send him somewhere neither of you want him to go to?

If it is you wanting him home I would completely understand that since I relied heavily on my husband's help and support when I had my son!

He knew what he was signing up for, not like he's a naive teen. If it's genuinely affecting his mental health that badly then he needs to speak with a doctor. Does the relative have sudden onset dementia and parkinsons or is it an illness he knew about before joining the army? Sounds like his family want him home more.

@MrsMiddleMother it was sudden onset I think the diagnosis is insidious onset of Parkinson's in dementia disease and that family members cognition is declining rapidly. So this family member did not have dementia when he signed up.

@Bunnyfuller they're trying to keep him at his training base for longer. He is now with new people and I know he is really unhappy at the base on the course. He also has the added family pressure. It's all one thing piled on top of the other and he is now suffering with anxiety and depression from feeling 'trapped'. He said he is lacking motivation to do anything and feels 'useless'.

It’s not a case of ‘ethics’. Joining the Armed Forces is unlike any other career. Yes, there’s a lot of stuff you don’t enjoy. There’s a lot of separation - even some temporary Compassionate Leave to help his relative will be just that - temporary.

As you say, he’s a 30 year old man, so one would assume he thoroughly researched everything before signing up. Things like ‘what if someone becomes ill’. Presumably you can go into Married quarters, so you can be nearer him, but the travel and separation is a fact of life - which, compared to Civilian wages for similar work, is well paid. And you can be refused AL in any job! If you’re a responsible person you just accept it. In the military you have to suck it up even more!

I think both of you didn’t really understand what he was getting into. The circumstances you describe are more on the end of inconvenient than some things, like 6-9 month deployments, or sailors on subs.

You can make military life work for you, and embrace it. And you will have to for a bit. You’re serving your country, not your family,.

A family member being diagnosed with Parkinson's/dementia seems like a crazy reason to jack in your job, esp if your wife is pregnant. Is he planning to be a carer? What will he do for money?

@Bunnyfuller do you know how long the temporary compassionate leave is likely to be granted for? Is there a set time they allow?
The thing is I think he'd be happy to go down that route if he wasn't suffering mentally with the whole process of the army. Saying he's lacking motivation from someone who has a real zest for life usually, is difficult to hear.

You’re with different people a lot in any job! He’s signed up for a career, not a job, and you should both grab the positives, training doesn’t last forever, and both of you need to realise he CAN’T rely on being available for family issues, it just doesn’t work like that! In any job, tbh. You can’t just step away from a job randomly in any field.

Is this his first ‘regular’ job? Did he not realise you can’t just up and go? Does he get weekends off in Training?

Surely you both realised the 4 year commitment when he signed up. He can’t just opt out because it doesn’t suit him (you) all of a sudden.

One of the lads i knew went and put his papers in to leave and was shocked when a hour later his boss called and told him the had accepted his papers and this was his last working day. He thought it would take a year not a few hours. He was shocked to the core and up shit creek, he had o job to go to or anywhere to live. He was given a 2 month extension.

@Bunnyfuller he was in the same job for over ten years so I think it's been difficult to adapt to something so drastically different and demanding. He's physically able to do all of the challenges but mentally is declining week by week and with the diagnosis of the family member and the added pressure of that it's all just got on top of him.

I suppose that once they know you want out and have formally applied, they don't want to spend any more time, money and resources on you.