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AIBU?

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Original poster

Getting out of the British Army early?

262 replies

alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 14:53

What is the likelihood of getting out of the British army before the four year period is up?

Does anybody have any experience with this or know anybody who has tried and been successful?

Tia

OP posts:
DistrictCommissioner · 07/06/2021 16:12

@fairynick

I don’t know whether it’s any different from the Royal Marines. An ex-colleague of my brother booked a flight to Istanbul and told them he was flying over to go to Syria and fight ISIS. He obtained maps of Syria put them in his rucksack etc, and they discharged him on the spot. He would have had to give a two year notice, but for a £300 flight managed to go get out instantly.
This can’t be true - would have meant a referral to anti terrorist police, not just the army waving goodbye?!
JollyAndBright · 07/06/2021 16:13

My first instinct is to say that he needs to honor the commitment he made to serve for four years, nobody walks into the armed forces blind, they make it very clear the commitment you are expected to make, that family and your 'home' life is put on a back burner and you need to be fully committed to it.
Honestly, i think his family are being incredibly selfish to put pressure on him being 'needed' at home.

However, all that being said, I know for definite if someone is having thoughts of self harm and suicide it is grounds for an immediate medical discharge.

Unmappedcountry · 07/06/2021 16:13

No advice really, just don't do the dishonourable discharge route. A friend of mine did this and ended up in prison, it's not wise.

sailmeaway · 07/06/2021 16:14

Medical discharge if it's for mental health reasons...

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 07/06/2021 16:16

The Families officer may be able to have some clout. Or Padre or the Dr.

It isn’t prison though. It feels hard sometimes and oppressive but it isn’t prison.

If at 30 he cannot see a way forward then fair enough.

But I say this with kindness.

If he can’t manage during training and be away from his family now, then a career in the forces will not be for him - unless he is one of the rare ones who is never sent on det or deployed.

What made him join in the first place OP? Did he not consider the real implications of Forces life?

Or have circumstances changed dramatically?

ChicChaos · 07/06/2021 16:19

It sounds as if the family putting pressure on him is the problem - what has changed in the circumstances, OP. Is it you that wants him to leave, describing it as 'prison' is a bit harsh?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/06/2021 16:28

This CANNOT be true

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/06/2021 16:29

That was to FairyNicks comment

GiantToadstool · 07/06/2021 16:42

Whats the family medical need?

Surely if someone's terminally ill/similar then there's compassionate leave.

Otherwise id be worried family are the ones causing the pressure.

Peppapeg · 07/06/2021 16:44

Is he still in trade training? If so then yes, it'd also in their interest to not continue investing in him if he I'd struggling at this stage, no offense so he should speak to one of his instructors, or the welfare office. You can be medically discharged, that includes mental health, but it's a process rather than just saying I want to leave. I see what you're saying, but it's clear when you sign up that cannot just up and leave, and things like being posted close to home are never guaranteed. Unfortunately neither is family time if needed, unless in exceptional circumstances.

RosaBudDrood · 07/06/2021 16:47

@name8793

OP I just want to add training is bloody terrible for all of the family, but military life gets much easier and "normal" after, it's a very artificial time, particularly if you plan to go accompanied eventually. Military life isn't easy, but training is not reflective of what it's like the majority of the time.
Definitely agree with this.
Horehound · 07/06/2021 16:47

I think the family pressures won't be helping. If those members can just start supporting him it will likely get better rather than him feeling stressed and anxious that he needs to get home.
Having a new group of colleagues will also be daunting Initially but then he will get to know them and that will be better too

Horehound · 07/06/2021 16:48

@ChicChaos

It sounds as if the family putting pressure on him is the problem - what has changed in the circumstances, OP. Is it you that wants him to leave, describing it as 'prison' is a bit harsh?
I too think the op is his wife or something and is being selfish and looking short term only
Theluggage15 · 07/06/2021 16:53

Fairynick. Honestly that can’t possibly be true.

Original poster
alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 16:56

@Horehound it wasn't me that described it as a prison actually.

There's always gotta be one who comes on with pure ignorance hasn't there.

I don't want to put too much on the forum for his sake in case anybody in the army saw it. But the family member that requires his presence for physical issues is a close relative of his (not going to say who), who is suffering with Parkinson's and dementia and he is their only next of kin.

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 07/06/2021 16:58

He needs to speak to his CO and the medics. The armed forces aren’t keen on people with mental health issues such as depression because of increased risks of severe PTSD and access to weapons.

It is likely he could be made PMU and get honourable discharge.

Hellocatshome · 07/06/2021 17:01

But the family member that requires his presence for physical issues is a close relative of his (not going to say who), who is suffering with Parkinson's and dementia and he is their only next of kin. in the nicest way possible there are lots of people in this position whose next of kin can't physically be there for them due to living/working abroad for example. You don't have to be next of kin to look after someone but if there is no one else to help then this is what carers/care homes are for.

It seems odd that someone who was 29/30 when joining didnt understand the implications of what they had signed up for nd surely they didn't guarantee they would be stationed near home after training?

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 07/06/2021 17:02

in case anybody in the army saw it.

We've seen it 😂

ElsieBobo · 07/06/2021 17:06

I’m afraid that’s the reality of life in the forces - they will often not be about to help care for elderly parents, or babies or exhausted wives. Not saying it’s right, but it’s the way it is. The other halves are expected to pick up the slack of covering all of this, however we can and paying to get help where needed when we can’t manage to do it all (care homes/ home support/ baby sitters and nannies etc).

Original poster
alixxx1 · 07/06/2021 17:07

@Hellocatshome some people can be naive to the pressures of what the army entails or think they are mentally stronger than they are to handle what comes with being in the forces and he is one of them.

I appreciate plenty of other people have I'll family members. Unfortunately this family member had insidious onset and there was a rapid decline in cognition and a very sudden diagnosis and deterioration that is starting to require a lot of personal care.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 07/06/2021 17:09

i thought everyone knew that you couldnt just leave the army. I think if this is your partner then you should be supporting him to stay. Sorry if ive got the wrong end of the stick, but are you the partner and is your mental health one of the reasons for it?

Nachobib · 07/06/2021 17:14

OP you need to pull yourself together. He isn't even at his first unit yet, he is still in training, and yes, it is hard, there are also a lot of 'rules' during training that seem pointless and are very restrictive, but it's for good reason. I agree that if he is struggling then they should let him leave, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to go on exercise or ops with someone who couldn't hack curfew during training.

What does he genuinely want though, does he want to leave a career he hasn't actually started yet (it's very different after completing training) after jumping through all of the recruitment hoops and phase one to look after a poorly relative; or is he not getting the support from back home he needs which is making it seem harder? If he genuinely wants to leave, I would actually recommend speaking to the padre if he has already spoken to his CO, just for the moral support and the advice they give over a brew is the best in the world.

Not sure where he got the impression he would be based close to home after though, that's never guaranteed.

Ivy48 · 07/06/2021 17:14

My partner was really struggling with mental health, (anxiety/ocd/depression) they didn’t really care. The med centre and his superiors were absolutely useless. Medical discharge was mentioned but he wanted to avoid that route so he wouldn’t potentially be penalised when finding new work etc. If they physically can’t face work anymore due to mental health then that’s what they’ll have to use to get them out otherwise I don’t think they’ll be able to

MiddlesexGirl · 07/06/2021 17:15

If the ill family member did not have this next of kin, who would be their 'replacement'? Can that person not shoulder some of the burden?

Also, as a PP said, the training phase is much the hardest and covid-hit training even more so. However, the constant shifting of goalposts and moving of dates is the norm I'm afraid.

Nachobib · 07/06/2021 17:16

There's always gotta be one who comes on with pure ignorance hasn't there.

Most replies seem to be from people who know the military, its not ignorance just as people aren't blindly agreeing with you.