The expectation of daily sex.

[Chillionice]

Being 44 yr old mother of 3 (13/11/10) with husband for nearly 15 yrs I would love some advice or reassurance about how to manage the sexual expectation.

My husband & I have may incompatibilities and underwent counselling 5 yrs ago. He has begrudgingly accepted that our sex life is not going to be as colourful or plentiful as he would like. A daily morning session seems to have been settled upon yet I still struggle with this. Eroticism was never a part of our marriage, kissing ended years ago & we are left with this daily session that seems to placate my husband but still fills me with dread and sadness.
I write this at 7.21 on a Monday morning having started the day, the week etc exactly the same way once again. This interaction between us to me confirms the loneliness of our relationship - both sides wanting something so different and kind of compromising on this middle ground. I frequently try to put off a dawn toilet visit incase my husband stirs and feel a lot of resentment that I can seldom start the day relaxed, dozing, contemplating bird song etc. Nor am I excused if I’ve been up with the kids in the night or have a challenging day ahead. It feels relentless, unwaning, an appetite I can never sate.

One of our incompatibilities that counselling could only do so much to resolve was poor communication. My husband is emotionally very distant and easily offended meaning I really have to just accept this situation and be grateful try to think it’s only 5 minutes of the day.
So anyone in the same boat with any advice of how to keep a positive mind for 5 mins daily to hold a marriage together, please let me know how you do it!!! Thanks.

Wow op this is grim grim grim so sorry for you

This is beyond horrific. He's basically using you to wank into. Sorry to be so coarse but that's the facts. Leave him before you lose your sanity. Your children will survive. You might not, if you don't.

@Mojoj read the updates!

I would imagine that this is just woken up, non event, 5 min sleepy sex. Personally would be OK with it if main event sex considered my needs and partner made an effort for me to enjoy it.

Oh I am so happy to read your update! Well done OP, be free

I’m so pleased you have left him. Onwards and upwards @Chillionice

And it wasn't just good morning after happier session before.

@Marmite17 maybe read the thread and updates, and take some inspiration- you deserve better, just like the OP did

On this occasion you should at least read yhe OPs updates. It's a happy thing.

I have gone off sex and i could not tolerate this. He sounds repulsive.
I would push him off a cliff.

I remember your thread from last year and am so glad that you are escaping from this horrible man

Well done @Chillionice! so glad you got out. Hope the DC have coped with the spilt well and well done for your DS for having your back. He'll be a good man.

Bottom line is you sound as though you no longer fancy your husband.

Well done! I also managed to leave 🌹

Oh well done, and well done to your son too - you should be proud of him, and I'm hoping the happy days are now outweighing the sad, you've got the rest of your life to enjoy now.

Congratulations OP.
When this thread came up in "active" just now I read your initial post and thought,
"This marriage is dead and has bits dropping off it".
Glad to hear you are free now.
I know a lot of women who have very happy second marriages, others living great lives single. The unfortunate past doesn't have to dictate your future.

I would start by learning to accept this grumpiness and rejection. I don't mean it's OK or that you have to put up with it. I mean it's OK for you to say no. How he reacts is his problem, not yours. Brush off his bullying responses and reclaim a bit of power.

Practically, I'd get up, go to the loo, then go downstairs,make tea and go out to listen to birdsong in the garden, or snooze on the sofa rather than risk waking him.

I'd be revolted by his lazy entitlement and lack of romantic and emotional connection supporting his constant demand.

I am so happy and relieved for you. Well done on being brave and taking this into your own hands.

For 5 minutes a day he could manage with Mrs Palm and her 5 daughters.
Not his wife.
The woman he is supposed to love and care for.

Well done OP! I am so glad you are out of that situation. I read your OP without looking at the date and was horrified.

Wish you and your DCs all the best in your new future without that arsehole. You have made the right decision.

I remember you! And remember feeling so sad for you having gone through similar and came out the other side so much happier. Reading your update and brought me to tears. I hope you are happier and have been able to start to re build your life and confidence in yourself. You should be really proud. I don't know you...but I am of you ❤

Well done! Just stumbled across this and think you are remarkable! 👏🏻

Honestly? I'm nearly crying for you.
Sad to read what you'd been through.
Happy now at your freedom.
Well done my love.
Your DCs would not want you to be raped daily on their behalf.
Very, very well done. You are amazing.
Wishing you a happy, safe future.

so thrilled for you OP. I remember your original post and felt so so sad for you at the time. well done and good luck.

A wonderful update that brought tears to my eyes. Many, many congratulations! You rock - and what an excellent example to your children.