The expectation of daily sex.

[Chillionice]

Being 44 yr old mother of 3 (13/11/10) with husband for nearly 15 yrs I would love some advice or reassurance about how to manage the sexual expectation.

My husband & I have may incompatibilities and underwent counselling 5 yrs ago. He has begrudgingly accepted that our sex life is not going to be as colourful or plentiful as he would like. A daily morning session seems to have been settled upon yet I still struggle with this. Eroticism was never a part of our marriage, kissing ended years ago & we are left with this daily session that seems to placate my husband but still fills me with dread and sadness.
I write this at 7.21 on a Monday morning having started the day, the week etc exactly the same way once again. This interaction between us to me confirms the loneliness of our relationship - both sides wanting something so different and kind of compromising on this middle ground. I frequently try to put off a dawn toilet visit incase my husband stirs and feel a lot of resentment that I can seldom start the day relaxed, dozing, contemplating bird song etc. Nor am I excused if I’ve been up with the kids in the night or have a challenging day ahead. It feels relentless, unwaning, an appetite I can never sate.

One of our incompatibilities that counselling could only do so much to resolve was poor communication. My husband is emotionally very distant and easily offended meaning I really have to just accept this situation and be grateful try to think it’s only 5 minutes of the day.
So anyone in the same boat with any advice of how to keep a positive mind for 5 mins daily to hold a marriage together, please let me know how you do it!!! Thanks.

you Incredible woman.
your life with your beautiful children now begins.

I’ve just got goose bumps reading your update. Well done, OP.

I remember reading this thread last year and feeling so sad for you. You’ve done so well to get out.

This sounds like consensual rape. Tell him you're not doing it anymore.

Another one delighted that you found the strength to divorce him. And wonderful that the MN voices helped spur you on from afar.

And now, as well as enjoying your children and your new found sef-esteem, you can go forward into a new relationship (one day - when you ready) knowing EXACTLY what you are worth and what you deserve.

Thank you for taking the time to come back and update us. I also had a little. 'smile' at his 'resignation rant' . Arrogant Twat.

What an update!!!! Oh OP. I am so happy for you. Well done. An enormous well done. I am so happy for you.

This is an awful read, glad you got out. I have a high sex drive but couldn't stand the thought making it a set scheduled daily routine, nor with someone who wasn't an enthusiastic, willing participant. That just sounds horrible, and the fact he wasn't deterred by it at all just shows how much of a nasty, selfish pig he is.

Oh well done, you amazing strong woman.

This is not at all normal. Following a traumatic delivery that left with basically with a non stretchy vagina, we’ve probably had sex less than 20 times in last 3 years, done other intimate things a bit more but not a ton. DH is always up for it if there is any hint I am but he literally never EVER would pressure me. Because that is just not ok. I would worry more about the type of relationship you’re role modeling for your kids.

you are agreeing to be raped every morning to keep the peace.

LightSpeeds
She did, a year ago when she filed for divorce. Why do you think people have been congratulating her. Duh!!!!

Sex is just another communication system.

This man was communicating contempt, power, subjugation, abuse, entitlement and controlling / bullying you with the threat of anger and grumpiness if you didn’t oblige.

He didn’t say much verbally but he inflicted his opinion / intent by communicating through physically abusing you emotional violence.

Well done for coming through this - I hope that you and your family are able to access professional emotional support as I suspect there is deep damage to repair.

I didn’t read this initially last summer and didn’t even notice the date when reading🙄. I’ve never been so happy to read a resurrected thread! It was so sad to read of what you went through, OP, I’m so pleased to hear things are astronomically better for you. What a woman you are!

@LightSpeeds

”consensual rape”? That doesn’t exist that’s the whole point. It’s not rape but they are incompatible.

This is so cheering OP. MN is amazing sometimes.

I don’t think it is worse. Sex against your will is worse. But that is a very low bar. Him wanking next to you is a form of control and abuse too. He is doing it to deliberately wake you and reject you and manipulate you into feeling you have no option but to agree. unless you have consented to him performing a sex act in front of you it is abuse.

Well done, op! I wish you much happiness for the future.

Hi OP, just read this today. What a wonderful outcome. Enjoy your new life.

You incredible woman @Chillionice! wishing you and your children an amazing life xx

If the kissing has stopped and all romance stop having sex with him. He's using you as a sperm receptacle, get a divorce he sounds like a prick who has no respect for you.

Oops, didn't check the date. So very happy to read your update. Well done @Chillionice ,you've set your children such a good example of walking away from an unhealthy relationship.

Haven't read the thread. Too long! But WHAT?? Just say no! Walk away. You want to hold the marriage together why??? What does he do for you every day that he detests?

A resignation rant. What a cock nostril.

well done OP, you rock x

@Chillionice the hero we need! Thanks for posting this update, I hope things continue to just get better and better for you, hugs and huge admiration 💐

Hurray! Well done you, I wish you every happiness xxx

Ok, I see it has moved on. Well done!

I didbt see your original thread - but want to say you are bloody awesome (and your kids, your DS rocks!).
Here's to a bright future xx