To not stop thinking about woman and child in a theme park?

[UnFringed]

Went to a theme park today (hate them anyway), a man went past shouting, clearly agitated, followed by resigned looking woman and weeping pre-teen. Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear” and something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit” at the child, then making air punches, threatening. I turned and stopped and watched obviously hoping the attention at least would stop him, but had my 3 young kids so couldn’t intervene. Everyone else just passed on by Heads down and she just kept following him. Feel really really guilty for not doing more, and a bit weak.

I can’t stop thinking about that kid, about no one stepping in and how the woman was so accepting. I kind of hope she’s on here, and if she is please seek help to leave him even if just for the kid.

I suppose you only got a snapshot of what went on, and don’t know the full story, but he sounds nasty. Hopefully the woman is on here as you say

I feel for you - I'd be the same.
But don't feel guilty. With your own kids in tow, there's pretty much nothing you could do. He's clearly got no restraint behaving like that in public, which is a seriously bad sign, so an intervention might just have made things worse for her. He'd no doubt blame her for bringing it on him and take it out on her at home.

I know what you mean about people seeming to ignore it - it feels wrong - but in a theme park filled with kids, it's probably for the best, in order not to escalate things. Unless there were security staff around, I think there's little anyone can do that doesn't place them in more immediate risk.
Let's hope that this may have been the final straw for her. And by highlighting this on here, if she doesn't read it, someone else might and it might resonate with them. All to the good.
You've done a good thing in this alone. Now give yourself permission to put it aside.
Best wishes.

I’ve been that kid.

There really isn’t anything you could have done.

Ultimately the only person who can get that mother and her children to safety is the mother herself. As long as she has decided to stay, nothing anyone else does will actually help.

And yes, if he does this in public, it’s a million times worse at home.

By saying 'place them in more immediate risk', I meant the woman and her pre-teen, not the member(s) of the public.
(Just in case I'm not making sense at this time of night!)

I know how you feel. I was once at the shops with my children. A family was walking past a Christmas display and one of the children stopped to have a look so the mother pushed them hard in the back and they fell to the ground.
I just wanted to give her a piece of my mind for being such a bitch but I know it would have made things worse for those poor children.

Like Castlepeak, I've been that kid.

I prayed for years for someone, anyone to step in and help us. The one time that someone did, I wished they hadn't .

I'm sorry OP, there was nothing you could do.

So sorry to any of you who lived like this and I hope you have peace now

Hmm, I dunno, tend to agree with those saying you only see a snapshot as you pass by.

You couldn't have done anything. I've been that kid too.

Step in - father acts nice as pie - gets home and give the mother a double leathering for 'creating a scene' and getting other people involved.

Father will always blame mother - mother gets it twice as hard once home.

Mother probably begging people not to intervene.

Don't feel bad. If it were a neighbour and this was happening constantly, then of course call the police.

I hope you managed to have a lovely day.

That poor mother and child.

I had similar in Tesco last year. Man screaming in woman’s face and her sobbing in the shop. He was stomping around and she was just silently following him in between him turning around to scream at her. Another woman stopped the crying lady and stood with her and some staff members for a while but I saw the man screaming at the woman again outside the shop so clearly it hadn’t helped.

I was really worried about her and couldn’t just leave the situation so I went to the security desk and asked them to keep an eye on them to make sure nothing happened but they could only do so much whilst they were near the shop.

OP, there is nothing you could have done so please don’t give yourself a hard time. Unless you massively misunderstood the situation (I doubt it from what you witnessed), I don’t buy into the snapshot line. Even as a one off, that is nasty and abusive behaviour that should not be tolerated. I hope she’s able to rid herself of that arsehole!

It's a snapshot but of very aggressive behaviour far beyond a normal loss of temper.

There really was nothing you could do, OP. If you want to help, make a donation to a domestic abuse charity.

Thank you all, it was a snapshot but a very nasty one so I can’t believe that’s a normal loss of temper. I appreciate that I did the right thing not making it worse.

@Hollyhocksarenotmessy that’s a great idea I will.

I'm astounded at some replies here. Calling a child a "filthy piece of shit" and making threatening moves is not a random snapshot.

Those saying there is no point doing anything, nothing will change etc

I hope you don't think that all the time with children. Yes, probably hard to do anything immediately at a theme park, but there are places like NSPCC you can report or call for advice. If I had seen them return to their car I would've reported their reg ( probably unlikely in your situation) but it's sad to think people think there's nothing you can do

@Stronghold

I'm astounded at some replies here. Calling a child a "filthy piece of shit" and making threatening moves is not a random snapshot.

I agree the level of wording seriously suggests more abuse. However PP are right to caution about stepping in. Very often it causes much more damage and abuse to the women and children when they get home. It's really important that people do what's right , not what makes them feel better.

If you are a neighbour or in the position you can see it through then I firmly believe you should report. Stepping in in a single situation may make us feel like we have done something but it will buy the people involved a bigger beating or reaction in private.

I've spent a lot of time working with horrific safeguardings and the problem is unless it's reported properly in the right way it causes more damage. OP it wouldn't have helped if you had said something. These abusers are so embarrassingly lacking in security and humanity any comment would have made it worse because they would have hit out in embarrassment. Not at someone they thought might stand up to them but at the people they think they can.

@pigeonpies

Those saying there is no point doing anything, nothing will change etc

I hope you don't think that all the time with children. Yes, probably hard to do anything immediately at a theme park, but there are places like NSPCC you can report or call for advice. If I had seen them return to their car I would've reported their reg ( probably unlikely in your situation) but it's sad to think people think there's nothing you can do

It's not that there is nothing you can do but putting the safety of the victims first is more important. There is a massive difference from stepping in when you are able to do something about it and stepping in because you feel the need to help.

If you can do something safely I would argue you should but not if it puts the family at more risk.

I saw something similar in asda a few years ago. A male calling a small child a fu*g bas**d!!! I’m assuming it was the dad and the mother said nothing.

There is nothing you can do in that moment that would help her or the family in the long run.

From what I know of people experiencing domestic abuse, any attention could lead to escalation later due to embarrassment or fury on behalf of the abuser 'you made people look, you drew attention, if you didn't make me act that way then people wouldn't have stopped and looked'.

If you're in a situation where you can act, for example you know where somebody lives or which school the child goes to, you can identify them in some way, then YES you can act, via reporting to either social services or the NSPCC (if in doubt, ALWAYS report, if there's nothing to be concerned about then it will be closed with no further action but your report can be a piece of the puzzle that leads to intervention further down the line).

The only time I've ever intervened is if I'm witnessing an assault and able to do so without drawing attention to myself. I witnessed a man headbutt a woman and then follow her around screaming on a night out, rang the police and stayed on the line while trailing them so they knew where to go to find him. But there were quite a few people doing the same and it was a busy environment so little risk of him spotting us and attacking us too.

In your situation you couldn't have done anything.

I saw something similar at Chessington last week and was considering posting a thread on here.

Family of four (mum, dad, boy of about 10 and a little girl around 4) in line for a young kiddy ride. Boy was very upset, didn't want to go on it, was crying, saying "I hate you" and tried to get out of the line.

As it was there turn they literally tried to drag him onto the ride by his arm and when it was clear it wouldn't work/make too much of a scene the mum marched him off and then slapped him across the face. She then sat with him watching her daughter and partner on the wide waving and smiling in between turning at hissing at him (really threatening body language). Then I saw them all together a few minutes later with the dad being equally intimidating towards him.

No one did anything. I also stared but they didn't notice. I didn't know what to do - I considered asking a staff member but they're all pretty useless at Chessington anyway so the idea they're trained to get involved in abuse situations seemed massively unlikely.

Poor kid.

*their turn

@FightingtheFoo

Uh... call the police? You literally saw a child being assaulted ( and then continue to remain on site)

Some people treat children like 2nd class citizens. If you saw an adult being assaulted, you'd just leave it? Let them get on with it? Not your problem. Give them a stare? What the hell is that going to do?

I don't advocate stepping in and endangering yourself or others, that's what the authorities are for. FFS

I once saw similar in m&s a man shouting at a tween girl that she was an immature bitch. She was crying. Like you said as a bystander all you can do is make the situation worse. My god I would’ve loved to have punched the fucker.

I do think it would be different if I had seen him hitting her though I would’ve called the police. At least I hope I would’ve.

@FightingtheFoo I've always found chessington staff to be fantastic - you witnessed an assault. They'd have called the police.