To not stop thinking about woman and child in a theme park?

[UnFringed]

Went to a theme park today (hate them anyway), a man went past shouting, clearly agitated, followed by resigned looking woman and weeping pre-teen. Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear” and something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit” at the child, then making air punches, threatening. I turned and stopped and watched obviously hoping the attention at least would stop him, but had my 3 young kids so couldn’t intervene. Everyone else just passed on by Heads down and she just kept following him. Feel really really guilty for not doing more, and a bit weak.

I can’t stop thinking about that kid, about no one stepping in and how the woman was so accepting. I kind of hope she’s on here, and if she is please seek help to leave him even if just for the kid.

You should have called the police and given a description of the family. There was a defenceless child's welfare and safety at stake. Chessington has security cameras and the police could quite easily have picked him up.

@Castlepeak

I’ve been that kid.

There really isn’t anything you could have done.

Ultimately the only person who can get that mother and her children to safety is the mother herself. As long as she has decided to stay, nothing anyone else does will actually help.

And yes, if he does this in public, it’s a million times worse at home.

I have been that kid too and it was shit. I have also been that mother and as you say the only person to get me and my kid to safety was me and it was as easy as it was hard but I very much doubt the resources are even there right now for that poor mother and child.

@Ruaille

I feel for you - I'd be the same. But don't feel guilty. With your own kids in tow, there's pretty much nothing you could do. He's clearly got no restraint behaving like that in public, which is a seriously bad sign, so an intervention might just have made things worse for her. He'd no doubt blame her for bringing it on him and take it out on her at home.

I know what you mean about people seeming to ignore it - it feels wrong - but in a theme park filled with kids, it's probably for the best, in order not to escalate things. Unless there were security staff around, I think there's little anyone can do that doesn't place them in more immediate risk.
Let's hope that this may have been the final straw for her. And by highlighting this on here, if she doesn't read it, someone else might and it might resonate with them. All to the good.
You've done a good thing in this alone. Now give yourself permission to put it aside.
Best wishes.

Oh wow you should be a counselor.

How weird that an innocent bystander feels guilty but a vile bully like this probably not.

I think times are turning now thank god with books like Untamed and The Power this constant sexism, misogyny and bullying is being noticed and called out. 👀💪

@Supermum29 so you just left it and have been sat wondering how that kid is?

Hit then nail on the head with being much worse behind closed doors, which is why you should have called the police, description of man and child, plenty of CCTV in Portsmouth and I assume the pier given the ride you talk about.

Please! If you see a child being assaulted phone then police. It's not hard!! You don't have to physical intervene. It could be that one call is the one that saves a child.

I'd be ashamed of myself I I saw this and did nothing

Oh god, reading these stories just made me go and give my kids an extra tight hug. I’ve been the woman, luckily when not with child. It’s embarrassing. I was lucky enough to not be scared of my partners but they were awful and would never ever tolerate it as a mum. I really hope whoever goes through this gets help because you don’t need to put up with it. It’s bad enough having your confidence chipped away all the time and having bruises you have to explain but someone starts on my kids, you better get some power in your legs. I am so happy single.

Don’t beat yourself up about not intervening. It’s uncomfortable for a reason, because they shouldn’t be acting like that with people they are supposed to love. I’ve seen arguments with neighbours, bit of gossip and some entertainment but you know the difference between that and abuse when you’ve had both. I agree with reminding yourself of the details and reporting it to the police, that’s all you can do.

I know where you are coming from.

Before lockdown I cycled past a coffee shop and saw and heard a man hit his son so hard over the head with his hand I heard the thwack from the street.

I glared at him and cycled on, but in my mind I wanted to do so much more. And like you I still think about it.

@SherbrookeFosterer

What did you think a glare would achieve?

Sherbrooke you could have reported that to the police as it's a physical assault . You also could have spoke to the coffee shop who may have also witnessed this. Very likely there would be cctv. It is really important to report if you see something like this.

I saw something very similar when I was walking in my local woods. I found it disturbing, having been the victim of dv myself.
I did yell Oy!

Saw a man in Tesco screaming and abusive behaviour towards his partner and two kids. Quietly followed them and he marched off ranting then I slipped her a women's aid card saying hide it and pls read it. It doesn't get better and it doesn't change. I asked Tesco to follow them on cctv to get a car reg and left details saying I would give a witness statement.

I think this thread has encouraged me to carry cards with helpline numbers at all times. The main thing to bear in mind is to note registration numbers , inform the police where possible and try to give helpline numbers unobserved to the victims. In the case of children, what do you do?

I agree with most of the others, but would add if you can snap a discreet photo on your phone of the man and child you could contact the local social services and send it to them. If it's a major attraction the chances of them being local are slim, but if it's a smaller one they might be local and might be known to social services already.

I've witnessed some horrible behaviour by parents at theme parks as well ☹️ there seems to be something about taking the kids out somewhere nice and then spending the whole day being horrible to them.

I don't think there's anything you can do, the only time I'd intervene would be if I saw physical violence.

The worst time was when I heard a mum telling her young dd she hated her, the little girl said 'you can't hate me, you're my mummy' 😢

Heartbreaking.

AIBU
My daughter is yr8 (13). She has asked for a sleepover with her friend and two boys from school!! Don't get me wrong, My wife and I had both said absolutely no, it is not appropriate.

I would like to know if every agrees or disagrees with our refusal

That's not how mumsnet works Barnet, start another thread.

to so many on here.

I do think there’s nothing you could have done but also know it will play on your mind so much. I once was out with my eldest still a baby in the pram and was strolling around a park and saw a man dragging a woman by her hair, and called the police but it still plays on my mind and hope she’s ok and got out of there and often wonder if I should have stepped in until the police arrived. They’d already left the park it happened so fast though and I feel guilty about just standing there but I was a new mum with a 3 month old and I was scared 😢

I disagree that "it is a million times worse at home", although yes this is possible, its not always the case;
Also, I agree with many here; you mustn't keep on the wheel of "I should've done something" - you DID do something, you gave him an unacceptable stare and that was something. You were smart to think twice about approaching an unhinged man like that. You had your children there and you needed to protect them from the potential "unhinged" behaviour this many could have displayed. Next time though, get security or go to any stand and tell them you need them to contact security/police as you've just witnessed an act of "domestic violence" - the police must respond and follow up with such claims immediately. Domestic violence does not have to be physical. Verbal/mental/emotional abuse is enough! They will respond to this type of behaviour as violence because he was swearing and punching in the air, talking to disgustingly about a child. Also, because there was a pre-teen child present at least that bastard would've been legally told, he isn't allowed to express anger in this way in this country. Next time next time next time.

@Forceasmileandbehappy Where does
“ because there was a pre-teen child present at least that bastard would've been legally told, he isn't allowed to express anger in this way in this country. Next time next time next time”
Come from. Are you assuming it wasn’t a British National? If so, why?

@AnnieSnap I didn't think I was assuming they weren't a British national, but I do think with all the historical rules in this country with "hanging based on telling someone off" until 1969, if you were born and raised in the UK (or the prior England), there is no way you would be shouting at a family member outdoors. And cursing! That is something only the Upper Upper class and the lower classes do. As an anthropologist, it is incredibly out of the norm. :-)

[quote Forceasmileandbehappy]@AnnieSnap I didn't think I was assuming they weren't a British national, but I do think with all the historical rules in this country with "hanging based on telling someone off" until 1969, if you were born and raised in the UK (or the prior England), there is no way you would be shouting at a family member outdoors. And cursing! That is something only the Upper Upper class and the lower classes do. As an anthropologist, it is incredibly out of the norm. :-)[/quote]
I don’t really understand a lot of your reply. Yes, it is out of the norm, but (as a psychologist, I can tell you) lack of impulse control and self-entitlement in those born and raised in the UK is more common than you may think!

Exactly.

I'm referring to you should have called the police, that is what they are paid to do. Stop. Offences. Against. Women & Children (amongst other things).