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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not stop thinking about woman and child in a theme park?

148 replies

UnFringed · 06/06/2021 23:53

Went to a theme park today (hate them anyway), a man went past shouting, clearly agitated, followed by resigned looking woman and weeping pre-teen. Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear” and something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit” at the child, then making air punches, threatening. I turned and stopped and watched obviously hoping the attention at least would stop him, but had my 3 young kids so couldn’t intervene. Everyone else just passed on by Heads down and she just kept following him. Feel really really guilty for not doing more, and a bit weak.

I can’t stop thinking about that kid, about no one stepping in and how the woman was so accepting. I kind of hope she’s on here, and if she is please seek help to leave him even if just for the kid.

OP posts:
fridgepants · 07/06/2021 12:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the user's request.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/06/2021 12:18

I still remember the poor toddler with his mum in a town centre when I was about 16. He was about 2 and crying. Mum kept telling him to stop crying and then smacking him. I felt the strongest urge to go and comfort him and point out the stupidity of the mother thinking hitting her child would somehow stop him crying.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/06/2021 13:26

You just really don't know what you're seeing from a snapshot. My dad was occasionally a bit shirty in public and wouldnt have cared who was watching, but he was all bark and no bite, we were used to his short fuse. He was just a massive drama queen and my mum would have looked resigned too. I can think of occasions when we had done stuff that was pretty naughty, he would be shouting and worked up and putting on quite the display, we would be crying/upset because we had got caught up to know good, my mum would have been saying calm down and looking resigned too.... and that would be all there was to it, and it would have looked a lot like what you saw.

It does sound like the guy was pretty nasty but you just dont know from a few minutes in a theme park.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/06/2021 13:31

something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit”

Is that definitely what was said? Could you hear clearly? I am in no way defending a nasty piece of work if that's what this person was, but I'm probably shoutier than I should be and I'd hope I'm not judged on my occasional worst outburst.

Rinoachicken · 07/06/2021 13:50

DS2 was assaulted by an older teen at Chessington a couple of years ago. When I contacted them about later it they responded very well I felt.

They looked back on their CCTV to get footage etc. They said that if anything like that happened again (or we were witnesses to something like that) then to speak to the nearest member of staff and ask for security. They will take descriptions and use the park surveillance to track them down.

So if I saw something like you did, or worse, I would do that next time, in the hope that they would be identified and the police could then be called.

Original poster
UnFringed · 07/06/2021 13:52

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland I’m fairly sure that’s what he said yes, but obviously theme park noise I can’t be 100% but the shouting and air punching and sheer anger were clear as day.

OP posts:
Thirtyrock39 · 07/06/2021 13:59

When we had safeguarding training at work we were given the example of seeing a child smacked in a supermarket. We were told that you should report it to the store security or manager as they have to have a safeguarding policy and I imagine anywhere with lots of children would do to. There will be cctv etc so you can report even if you don't know who the people are if you have a description etc of course if an actual physical assault the police would follow up it may be harder if verbal .. if you are really worried you could contact the theme park and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead- it may be a needle in a haystack

Thirtyrock39 · 07/06/2021 14:03

Sorry posted too soon...it may be a needle in a haystack but it could be part of a jigsaw- there may have been other reports too of the same family

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 07/06/2021 14:24

[quote pigeonpies]@FightingtheFoo

Uh... call the police? You literally saw a child being assaulted ( and then continue to remain on site)

Some people treat children like 2nd class citizens. If you saw an adult being assaulted, you'd just leave it? Let them get on with it? Not your problem. Give them a stare? What the hell is that going to do?

I don't advocate stepping in and endangering yourself or others, that's what the authorities are for. FFS [/quote]
I agree

camouflagejacket · 07/06/2021 14:24

Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear”
NC. This has been happening to me a lot recently. Yesterday we were travelling back from a weekend away and my DH had a mishap in a service station carpark. He completely lost the plot. Effing this and that for 10 mins, with everyone listening. I told him to stop swearing and he told me not to 'shush' him. But this and a couple of other things that happened over the weekend (all very public) WERE the straw that broke the camels back.

The lack of restraint is the thing that tells me this won't get better. Been reading a lot of stuff since we got back and am resigned to losing a lot materially, but I can't walk on eggshells any more. My kids are having to watch this, but it's not directed at them. TBH I wouldn't have wanted anyone to intervene, but their shocked faces and those of the people around helped me see I was actually doing no-one any favours putting up with it.

I hope this woman finds her strength one day.

MaybeCrazy2 · 07/06/2021 16:15

With men like that there isn’t anything you can do.

Randomo · 07/06/2021 16:33

OP you only saw a moment of an incident. All couples have moments like that, from both genders.

No point assuming the worst. They were probably having a bad day.

pigeonpies · 07/06/2021 16:39

@Randomo Speak for yourself, I'd never act like that, especially to my own children

Totally unacceptable

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/06/2021 16:43

@Randomo

OP you only saw a moment of an incident. All couples have moments like that, from both genders.

No point assuming the worst. They were probably having a bad day.

Even once calling our DC or me a filthy piece of shit would have my DH out the door. I don’t care how bad the day has been. I would never call him that either. Completely unacceptable and we need to stop normalising it!
MsTSwift · 07/06/2021 16:45

We have never aggressively shouted at and sworn at our children. I’ve fortunately never seen behaviour like the op described either. I don’t think this is one of those “we’ve all been there” parenting bonding things 🙄

Ryanstartedthefire2 · 07/06/2021 16:57

Disagree. The encounter she witnessed made OP go cold. I witnessed something similar and couldn't get it out of my head and wished I had done something too. I think there is a clear difference between an argument and abusive behaviour.

missingeu · 07/06/2021 17:08

You can contact the police or social services and log it as a safeguarding.

I had a patient who's injuries didn't match the story given, on further investigation into their medical history, social services and police backgrounds, we established a long list safeguarding issues raised.

Through careful and considerate discussions with the patient and someone they felt safe with, we were able to relocate them to another hospital in different city with a member of their family and hopefully a better life free from abuse.

FrownedUpon · 07/06/2021 17:12

@Randomo

OP you only saw a moment of an incident. All couples have moments like that, from both genders.

No point assuming the worst. They were probably having a bad day.

What? Most men don’t call their child a filthy piece of shit & punch the air in anger when out n public. It’s worrying if you think that’s ok.
Iquitit · 07/06/2021 17:30

Is it any wonder this type of stuff goes on as much as it does when there's people around normalising and saying you just don't know from a snapshot?!

I second what the pp said about approaching a member of staff (obviously a call now) with description and time and place so any CCTV can be reviewed and it reported to the police/a safeguarding raised. Anyone intervening there and then could have caused so much more damage later on, even if the man didn't become aggressive there and then to who confronted him.

This is 'normal' to some people because we as a society let it be. We can have all the protection and safeguarding in the world, but it's pretty useless if it's not used when needed.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 07/06/2021 19:37

@Randomo

OP you only saw a moment of an incident. All couples have moments like that, from both genders.

No point assuming the worst. They were probably having a bad day.

If you think it's OK to call your small DC things like that because you're 'having a moment', then you yourself are abusive.
BreakingtheIce · 07/06/2021 20:18

I hear parents swearing in front of their kids all the time. How is okay to be using that language in front of small children? They must use it at school thinking it’s normal.

ChompStompRoar · 07/06/2021 20:27

I saw similar at LegoLand last Thursday. A lady being shouted at by her horrible husband. She had a baby in arms and 2 small children. The stupid ass guy was stomping off in front of them. She was trying to calm him down and he was shouting that he’d look at his phone as much as he wanted to. He walked back towards her and was intimidating her into being quiet, then he stomped off. Asshole. We were getting off a ride (Lego train) as they were walking into the queue. If I could have got close to her I would have said something to her (pretended to ask for a baby wipe or similar). I couldn’t stop watching. The man got on the front of the ride and the lady got on towards the middle with her 3 little ones. So so sad. I’ve thought of her frequently since. I hope she can leave. Poor lady, poor babies 😞

AllieTM · 07/06/2021 20:31

I too was that child and I still wish someone had intervened - a stranger or a teacher or extended family or parents of a school friend etc who saw how badly my siblings and I were treated at times.

Suzi888 · 07/06/2021 20:37

This is such a sad thread. Is ringing the police an option?

Cam2020 · 07/06/2021 20:43

I'm astounded at some replies here. Calling a child a "filthy piece of shit" and making threatening moves is not a random snapshot.

I agree. If that's what he does in public, just imagine what he does in private.

Bloody awful and really distressing to see, OP.

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