To not stop thinking about woman and child in a theme park?

[UnFringed]

Went to a theme park today (hate them anyway), a man went past shouting, clearly agitated, followed by resigned looking woman and weeping pre-teen. Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear” and something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit” at the child, then making air punches, threatening. I turned and stopped and watched obviously hoping the attention at least would stop him, but had my 3 young kids so couldn’t intervene. Everyone else just passed on by Heads down and she just kept following him. Feel really really guilty for not doing more, and a bit weak.

I can’t stop thinking about that kid, about no one stepping in and how the woman was so accepting. I kind of hope she’s on here, and if she is please seek help to leave him even if just for the kid.

I was once that kid OP. My mother finally divorced him (I’ve not seen him since) but I still have clear memories of looking pleadingly at members of the public once in Heathrow (must have been 11?) when he had me pinned up against the wall by his elbow, gritted teeth calling me names. I realise now to the public I just looked like I was getting a telling off but I wasn’t he was angry and physically hurting me. I do understand it’s hard to know what to do.

@Randomo

OP you only saw a moment of an incident. All couples have moments like that, from both genders.

No point assuming the worst. They were probably having a bad day.

WTF? This cannot be serious, did you read the OP properly? Calling one’s child a filthy piece of shit is not something to shrug off as “having a bad day”. It’s abuse, plain and simple.

If that's what happens in public then I'd hate to see what goes on behind closed doors.

A few years ago I was into Tesco at around 10ish at night with my DH.We heard lots of shouting then looked over just in time to see a man punch a woman holding a younger toddler in the face.

People rushed to her aid and he started threatening to punch them too.He then grabbed the toddler out of her arms and stormed out of the shop.

My DH and I walked out the store about 20 feet behind him.He walked up to his car,opened the front passenger door,threw the toddler into the seat,slammed the door and then ran around to the drivers seat and sped off.The little boy wasn't in a car seat or strapped in.

We went back inside and spoke with a member of staff who'd just called the police to pass on what had happened in the car park.

I'd like to think as the police were called to an incident regarding the welfare of a woman and child would have contacted SS to safeguard that little boy and his mum.

I saw the man screaming at the woman again outside the shop so clearly it hadn’t helped.

As someone who had something similar - and similarly mortifying - happen to me, multiple times, I can assure anyone that it really can help.

In my case, whilst the attention of bystanders didn't get me out of danger in that moment, what it did do is that it told me that his behaviour WAS unreasonable, that people DID notice, and they DID care enough to stop and watch out for me. It helped give me the strength to speak out about my exh's behaviour, because I knew for certain that his behaviour was so unusual that people stood guard.

These women do notice, I did and it meant everything.

A few months ago I walked past a woman as she said to her kid, "You're doing my fucking head in." The child looked about 3 and didn't even react, like it was a totally normal event.

@thenewduchessofhastings

If that's what happens in public then I'd hate to see what goes on behind closed doors.

A few years ago I was into Tesco at around 10ish at night with my DH.We heard lots of shouting then looked over just in time to see a man punch a woman holding a younger toddler in the face.

People rushed to her aid and he started threatening to punch them too.He then grabbed the toddler out of her arms and stormed out of the shop.

My DH and I walked out the store about 20 feet behind him.He walked up to his car,opened the front passenger door,threw the toddler into the seat,slammed the door and then ran around to the drivers seat and sped off.The little boy wasn't in a car seat or strapped in.

We went back inside and spoke with a member of staff who'd just called the police to pass on what had happened in the car park.

I'd like to think as the police were called to an incident regarding the welfare of a woman and child would have contacted SS to safeguard that little boy and his mum.

That’s absolutely horrific.

@PicsInRed

I saw the man screaming at the woman again outside the shop so clearly it hadn’t helped.

As someone who had something similar - and similarly mortifying - happen to me, multiple times, I can assure anyone that it really can help.

In my case, whilst the attention of bystanders didn't get me out of danger in that moment, what it did do is that it told me that his behaviour WAS unreasonable, that people DID notice, and they DID care enough to stop and watch out for me. It helped give me the strength to speak out about my exh's behaviour, because I knew for certain that his behaviour was so unusual that people stood guard.

These women do notice, I did and it meant everything.

I am really pleased to hear that! I hope, like you, the woman I saw in Tesco was able to get away from that situation.

This thread has been really eye-opening about just how often abuse is witnessed in public. I don’t blame the witnesses in any of these situations; it’s hard to know if intervening will help or make it all 1000x worse.

From this though, I will be carrying around Women’s Aid’s number to hopefully be able to pass it on if someone looks like they need it. Thank you to the PP who suggested this.

I know the lady feeling so so well, maybe too well. And the kids feeling too unfortunately. OP you did what you could, like it has been said here - they get home and it’s way way worse.

Intervening might have made it worse for them when they got home.

Horrible to witness though.

Get this one !
I was in a supermarket today, mum had three children the man with her was clearly not the father. The oldest child was about 8 and wad just being a child.
The man was being so belittling to the child, mum was constantly swearing at him, as if that wasn’t bad enough she then turned around snd said “ I want to punch you in the face sometime”
Heartbreaking 💔

Sadly like a lot of people on this thread, I’ve been that child.
There’s nothing you could have done, he’d have probably charmed himself out of it.

Thats what my childhood was like. I'm now taking anti psychotic medication and I'm having treatment for complex PTSD. Nobody ever helped me or reported the abuse. Everyone looked the other way.

This wasn't at skegness area was it?

To put it into a little perspective (not that I'm saying it's ok it's not) but this week while sat at the Drs in France where we live, a mother whacked her young son on the head so hard it made you wince and everyone just sat there as normal. We said they wouldn't get away with that in UK but then commented and laughed, that's why are kids are brats!

Yes, the language is a problem.

I have a hot temper and occasionally lose my rag with DS (who loves to push boundaries). I once called him in public 'you stupid child'. (He had escaped me and gone and sat in a stream just after I finished changing him into his last set of dry clothes).

I immediately felt awful and apologized to him and have felt bad about it ever since. The language in the OP is off the chart, that's not an ok guy having a bad day.

It breaks my heart to see children abused like this, and I feel so sad for those of you that was that child.
I too had a strict upbringing and knew what a good hiding was…

I was in this position once driving home from work. I witnessed a man clearly screaming in a womans face. I called the police telling them where the incident was but at the same time turned my car round and drove back down the main road. The police asked me not too but I said please stay quite as I am now going to ask him for directions to distract him. I stopped and put my window down only enough to ask where a street was. He came to my car. She quickly walked away whilst he had his back turned and then the police arrived. They came to me and thanked me to which he shouted you f ing grass. I smiled as I left him with the police with the woman on the phone say you shouldn’t have done that really cos of the risk. I just said I was tortured by a low life for 7 years before I escaped and no one helped me.

Even asking someone the time is a distraction but because it all happens suddenly people like yourself are caught off guard. You are an angel for caring so thank you.

I don’t think she’ll be on her cos a lowlife like him will control her every move.

My life changed to being amazing because I found the strength when my 2 children was little. I hope she finds the strength one day.

I've been that woman in the OP but not a soul would have witnessed what made me like that.

When I was pregnant with ds we went shopping for a car seat. While we were in there two woman had a trolley with a little boy in the seat, about 3 years old. He was playing with something and the next minute I hear screaming and shouting and she said to the little boy, 'fucking stop that, it's no wonder no one likes you'. I too didn't say anything and for all these years it has stuck with me. That boy will be about 25 now and I often wonder how his life turned out.

I have been that wife before on a few occasions. Husband is perfectly ok 98% of the time but he chooses his moments well and will kick off at me in public when I’m so embarrassed I used to say nothing and run off crying. However after a couple of episodes I told him if he ever did it again then I will fight back (verbally). When he next had an episode and shouted at me in a restaurant I stood up in front of everyone and called him a f—king C—-t (a word I never use) and a bully. It worked and he’s never done it since. I am ordinarily a very strong, confident woman and I put it down to narcissistic behaviour.
I am sure the woman and child today will sort it out. Men!!!!🤬

I was in a shopping center and a women hit a child of about 11 so hard she practically lifted him off his feet, it was so so loud I turned around in a v loud shopping center
I think he had lost them or something and I guess she got a fright but I was so stunned. I shouted at her and told her she was an utter disgrace. She mumbled to mind my own business and I said I wouldn't have to if she wasn't beating her child in public. It definitely knocked the wind out of her sails. it was in a posh area, not sure I would have had the nerve to do it in a dodgy area or not

I grew up with a violent alcoholic father and compliant mother.

There was nothing, not one single thing, you could have done. It’s absolutely dreadful, I agree.

Please, try not to dwell. It’s for this woman to sort herself and her child out.

@Sparkle5

I have been that wife before on a few occasions. Husband is perfectly ok 98% of the time but he chooses his moments well and will kick off at me in public when I’m so embarrassed I used to say nothing and run off crying. However after a couple of episodes I told him if he ever did it again then I will fight back (verbally). When he next had an episode and shouted at me in a restaurant I stood up in front of everyone and called him a f—king C—-t (a word I never use) and a bully. It worked and he’s never done it since. I am ordinarily a very strong, confident woman and I put it down to narcissistic behaviour. I am sure the woman and child today will sort it out. Men!!!!🤬

I'm glad that worked for you but there are many of us who know damn fine it would not be sorted out by doing what you did - it would absolutely mean huge punishment. Or worse. Narcissistic abusers do not see the error of their ways!

I hope the woman and child today can get away from him but I'd be very surprised if they can sort it out.

I went to a theme park once when my children were small, was about 25 years ago and witnessed a mum karate chop her husband in the balls in front of her kids whilst telling him he was the biggest C* going! I did not intervene but still remember it a quarter of a century on! Whilst not condoning that kind of abuse, theme parks seem to either stress people out or attract certain types?!