To not stop thinking about woman and child in a theme park?

[UnFringed]

Went to a theme park today (hate them anyway), a man went past shouting, clearly agitated, followed by resigned looking woman and weeping pre-teen. Man keeps turning and shouting, I could make out her saying “calm down”, and him saying “No, I can f’ing swear” and something like “she’s a filthy piece of shit” at the child, then making air punches, threatening. I turned and stopped and watched obviously hoping the attention at least would stop him, but had my 3 young kids so couldn’t intervene. Everyone else just passed on by Heads down and she just kept following him. Feel really really guilty for not doing more, and a bit weak.

I can’t stop thinking about that kid, about no one stepping in and how the woman was so accepting. I kind of hope she’s on here, and if she is please seek help to leave him even if just for the kid.

tend to agree with those saying you only see a snapshot as you pass by

Yeah I'm sure he had a valid reason for swearing and swinging his fists at a pre-teen girl

I feel your anxiety op but as pp have said if you did anything yourself it could have made things worse for them later.

I did once witness a mother hitting her child (7 or 8) around the head in a supermarket. I am quite a non confrontational person but it upset me so much I did tell the mother that she could not hit the child & it was assault. She wasn't English & said 'it's my child I can do what I want ' I told her that in this country what she did was assault. She nodded & turned back to the shelves.
I went to security & reported it asking them to call the police & check their security cameras. I offered to stay but they took my details & sent me away. It still troubles me now. I never heard any more. Should I have called the police myself? Although she could have just walked out of the shop. It was about 8 years ago.

When I was in my 20s I lived in quite a rough area. I liked it though. I was at the bus stop one morning, and there was a young woman with a little boy who was about 3. He was just playing and chattering no bother at all. She then said to him "shut your cunt or I'll shut it for you". I stared at her for ages, mainly because I couldn't believe she had spoken like that to her child. I wish I had said something though, I always regretted it.

That's awful justcashnosweets some people don't deserve children.

I was walking through the arndale centre and a couple had twin toddlers in one of those push along cars. One was just fussing/whining the dad leaned over him and whacked him round the head hissing at him. I remember making eye contact with the mother. She looked very sad. I wish I'd said something. If he behaves that way in public I dread to think what he's like at home.

At a country park in the middle of nowhere during lockdown and a family walked past the play area where I was with my kids. A mum, dad, two primary aged children on bikes and a baby in a pram. The dad was shouting and swearing at the woman who was just walking along with her head down. They stopped down the path and she sat on a bench, he carried on shouting, making really aggressive gestures and kind of lunging at her threateningly while she cringed away.
I had left my phone in the car but caught the eye of another mum who was also watching with her husband. The husband said "do you think I should go and say something, or might that make him worse. Maybe the two of you could walk down and ask if she's ok, he won't be as threatened by women". I said I thought that men like that have zero respect for women and it could escalate the situation and asked if one if them could call the police. The mum rang 999 and described what we were seeing, the call handler reassured her and said they take those reports very seriously.
After a bit, the woman got up from the bench and headed to the car park, bloke still following so I didn't see what happened but just as they walked out of sight, TWO police cars came past with sirens, into the carpark out of view.
It was really reassuring that they responded that way. I hoped the police would refer to SS and other support if needed and the mum would understand that his behaviour was not ok, people had noticed and acted to protect her and her children.
The saddest part was the reaction of the two older children on bikes. They just stood there as though it was nothing, their dad screaming and threatening their mum like that. It was their normal.

I was once that women and I know what she’s going through...really feel for her. So glad I don’t have to put up with it anymore.

As awful as it is

Stepping in, 100% would not of helped

I'll put my police officer hat on. Dont feel bad, intervening would have made it worse for mum.and child in private. Hes clearly a nasty piece of work. What I.would do is call 101, tell them where in the park you saw them and they make look at cctv to trace mum. Its very likely the local police will recognise the male...ultimately it's a child protection issue. There may be other children at risk who were not present at the park. I'm happy for you to message me but honestly, please dont feel bad...I wouldn't intervene if I had my children with me

Oh my. I told a father off in French in Paris once. He had grabbed the stick his approx 3yo boy was trailing and threatened him with it so convincingly that the tiny boy flinched and ran right into the road! There was a woman behind with a smaller child in a pushchair and an older couple, presumably grandparents, all smiling and trying to calm me down. Their French was obviously not great either.

I remember asking, what is he doing at home if he does this in public? The poor children! The child is terrified of his father and it's wrong. The child could have been hit by a car! To my shame I also reminded them they are in Europe now. (Obvious ethnic differences and struggling with French more than I was.)🤦🏼‍♀️

I suppose that makes me racist. My just-adult daughter was mortified but I would have been ashamed to do nothing.

I also reported a suited man to supermarket staff and then went and stood next to his pre-teen daughter(?) who he had by then backed up against the shelves. He was bent over hissing whispered vitriol into her face and she was cringing and clearly terrified. I stood by her in his eyeline until he stalked off, asked if she was OK (stupid question!) and quietly told her he was wrong and had no right to speak to her like that. You never know if you're the first person to tell a child they are worthy and have rights.

I don't know what happened after that.

I do know that in neither case was I capable of ignoring it and walking by. I will probably get punched on the nose one day and I don't care

There are some genuinely shocking comments on here. Where are people's brains?? "Only a snapshot"? What kind of context do you think would explain a grown man verbally abusing and throwing his fists around in a threatening manner towards a child? What could she possibly have done to make that a reasonable response?

And as for this...
All couples have moments like that, from both genders.
No. No, we don't. I have never seen any of my siblings or friends behave like this. Never in a million years would my husband or I ever abuse our children. If either of us behaved like this towards our kids, I'm confident that the other would end the marriage and do whatever it took to protect the children. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour in any way, shape or form. I'm being deadly serious now - if you behave like this you need to seek help immediately and remove yourself from your family home so that they are safe from abuse. If your children's other parent behaves like this, you need to take steps to make your children safe and get them away from the abusive parent. It's not OK and it's not something that everybody does.

This is very worrying. This level of verbal abuse is shown to be the most damaging long term. In this situation you can contact staff to report it as an incident of child abuse they would have to act on it as an incident/reporting to police and social services. If already known to these services this ‘snapshot’ of witnessed behaviour could make a big difference to the type of prioritisation given to this family.

When I went for my second covid jab they had many more
Posters up about abuse. Providing a safe place to ask for help and what staff there and then could do to support. I was impressed given one time you could be apart. Was in lots of different lanaguages too.

that sounds awful, feel so sorry for the child and frustrated, what on earth can you do under those circumstances,

@UnFringed If you’re in a situation where you think that a child may come to immediate harm (parent/carer is hitting/punching them) call the police and say you are concerned about the welfare of a child. In this situation call the NSPCC. All that behaviour was caught on camera. Write to the theme park and ask them to display information about domestic abuse support in all toilets.

I think the only thing that a member of the public could do in circumstances like that, is film it on a phone, follow them discretely and video or photograph the car registration plate and report it to the Police, who, in addition to visiting the family, should also bring Social Services in. What you saw and heard crosses the line into child abuse. That isn’t just physical and sexual abuse, but also includes psychological, emotional abuse and corruption.

How horrible.

I was at a theme park a few weekends ago, there was a mixed group of six people (three couples) directly behind us in a stupidly long queue. I could sense some tension but what I wasn’t prepared for was one guy grabbing his partner by the neck and pushing her against the railings, I couldn’t hear what he said as he was very quiet but his face looked like something out of a horror film.

I tried to get the attention of the woman all the way until we were at the front of the queue but she kept her head down.

It’s going to stay with me. I too wish I could have done more.

There was nothing you could have done. Interfering would have made things worse and the woman and child might have paid for your interference when they got home. Maybe donate to a refuge if that helps you feel better and then move on.

To add, the other couples they were with definitely saw this happen and just carried on as normal.

It worries me, if that can happen in public, what goes on behind closed doors.

It's very difficult because if you said something it could cause problems later, you might have misunderstood the situation (unlikely but rows happen) and what would speaking achieve, better would be to report to security who could call the police, but unless the woman/child make a complaint there's nothing they can do. It's upsetting I know because we all would want to help but the best we can do often is donate to orgs who help victims when they do come forward.

I worked for SS and sometimes how couples treat each other might just be their way and how their relationship is… but when it’s clearly emotional, psychological and verbal abuse… and when you are the abused, its hard to escape. The fear and the control are indescribable. I too was that person, and it continued for 12 years after I walked away….it takes a lot of courage… the justice system let me down, even SS… I hope that anyone male or female… that are going through hell, find help and support they need…hopefully things have changed now and we are recognising the signs… 🙏🙏

I've intervened when I saw a mother repeatedly smashing her child's head into a marble pillar in a shopping arcade. I've worked in prisons and couldn't walk on by. She turned on me and started screaming abuse at me but at least she stopped hurting her child. Security arrived and stood by laughing as did quite a large crowd.
It was a horrible experience and I actually moved permanently away from that town.
Luckily I also reported it to the Police, who were brilliant and viewed CCTV, they found the child (family already known to them) and informed me not to worry as he would be made safe.
They also reported the security (idiots) to their employers.
If I saw similar again, I'd have no hesitation contacting the police.

@Serin

I've intervened when I saw a mother repeatedly smashing her child's head into a marble pillar in a shopping arcade. I've worked in prisons and couldn't walk on by. She turned on me and started screaming abuse at me but at least she stopped hurting her child. Security arrived and stood by laughing as did quite a large crowd. It was a horrible experience and I actually moved permanently away from that town. Luckily I also reported it to the Police, who were brilliant and viewed CCTV, they found the child (family already known to them) and informed me not to worry as he would be made safe. They also reported the security (idiots) to their employers. If I saw similar again, I'd have no hesitation contacting the police.

Good for you.

I saw something similar on a beach in Wales. I felt so sorry for the woman who was staying calm and dignified, and the children who were very quiet as well. I can't believe how badly the man was behaving. It makes you wonder what they are like in private if they can act like such dicks in public, or does it just not matter to them.

It’s horrible isn’t it.

We were out in Portsmouth a while back and saw a man getting off a ride with his approx 7 years old son. Son tripped and accidentally hit the back of his dads leg, dad turned round and hit him so hard on the back of his head I was in absolute shock. Honestly disgusted. I was so angry I wanted to go over and give him a piece of my mind but he was full of rage and it really wouldn’t have gone well. I always wonder if that’s what he’s prepared to do in public what on earth happens at home behind closed doors.

As a teenager ( student) my then boyfriend. Who I couldn’t get rid of at the time, head butted me, when I asked him a question, in the clothes shop below the barbers where he worked. I was in total shock, hurt and crying, when he pulled me out by the hair, followed by dragging me through the town centre, in front of shocked people.
A lovely shocked lady stopped us, and told me to leave him, as her son was like that and he would never change, I thanked her before being dragged off towards the taxi rank by him.

My situation was worse at the time, and I was hoping for someone to phone the police, but people were shocked and it was before mobiles.

He stole money from me, a lot at the time, and was utterly horrible, breaking my things and threatening me with broken glass, throwing a drink over me, and dragging me out of a pub by my hair, when I smiled a group of people having fun, playing pool in a pub.

I finally got rid of him, when he smashed our front door, and threatened to rape me and my flatmate, who tried to intervene, and she did run down the road to call the police.

So my point is, if there is violence, phone the police, I guess.
Sometimes you need someone to help you stand up for your and get you some help, as you’ve been so brutalised you can’t help yourself anymore.

Im all good now. This was many years ago.