Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

[Homeontherangeuk]

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

A girl at school does a lot of competitive swimming outside of the school squad. She never does play dates, birthday parties, school events, anything. Everything comes down to her swimming.

However she wasn't even chosen to represent the county for her age group and DD (on the squad but we haven't sacrificed everything for her swimming) is only a couple of strokes slower than her on fly and crawl and beats her on backstroke.

Was it worth it for DD's friend doing nothing other than swimming ? I'd say not. As a parent you need to have a very realistic expectation of your child's abilities and those need to be incredible if you want them to sacrifice their childhood pursuing your dream of their competitive sporting career.

“Elite” at age 8? Really?

Indeed I recollect one after-school birthday party that the girl had to miss because of squad training. All the other girls in the class (there were only 6 of them at the time) were picked up by the birthday girl's mum and the swimming girl was in tears left behind because she wanted to go to the party

Let her go to the party.

Beckie Downie said after the first lockdown that the biggest lie she was told as a gymnast was that gymnastics can't have an off season (a period of time where you don't train hard and have a break). She said that she regrets missing out on holidays and other things because of this.

Worth considering as a parent of an elite gymnast.

@Goingdriving

I don’t think us sports civilians truly get the commitment expected of children in elite sport and for that reason I think we are the wrong people to ask.

Surely here is better than an echo chamber of competitive parents?

I've got children in that position.

Let her go to the party.

It's actually good for the body to have a couple of weeks off here and there; let's the muscles heal from all the work they've been doing. She'll go back stronger. Just make sure she keeps stretching.

In my experience, it is not necessarily the ones that train obsessively from a very young age that make it. The early-trainers often lose interest, rebel and quit or are psychologically damaged. The whole thing becomes a bit of a cult.

Future Olympian?
Have you seen how fucked the Olympics is looking? I doubt its survival TBH.
If that helps, which it probably doesn't, but I thought I'd throw it in.
#Teamparty.

*Is she genuinely going to get in Olympic squad. How many children burn out before then if they have that pressure on them at 8?

🙄

I hope OP totally ignores your post

Why?? Its true*

Completely agree.

I come from a family of elite athletes and am currently worried sick about one who won't make the olympics so has to fall back on another way to get through life. Only very few make it, and the sacrifices they make are huge whether they make it or not. And then they have to earn a living. I wouldn't let a child of mine give up any fun at all for an elite sport.

Wise words from Olympic Gold Medallist Adam Peaty: “I feel like a lot of kids feel like they’re falling behind and that’s the kind of culture we’ve got in sport now, where they look at the top of the top and say ‘I want to be there’.

“That’s a great thing, but I think kids have got to remember they’re still kids, they can still have fun, it’s not going to make much of a difference.

“It’s great that kids work hard, but you’re not falling behind at all. I think a lot of kids have just got to relax. You are kids, enjoy it, enjoy the journey.

“If you are watching this right now and you’re 12, 13, 14 – I didn’t even start taking swimming seriously till I was 15 and six years later I was Olympic gold medallist.

“It’s not going to be like that for everyone but I chose the early teen years to have a little bit more fun and I was training two hours a week.

What does child want to do?

I dunno but you need to have some balance, esp with a child of 8

I suspect that’s not how elite sports works…

Gosh....at the age of 8 there is absolutely no doubt that the party takes precedence over sports training!!

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle seems to have worked for Adam Peaty.

Party.

It's been pants year. She's worked hard over zoom. Sometimes a week of down time can be beneficial for the body to recover.

I've only ever seen kids who became 'really good' at their sport, not top athletes - and they've missed out so much to get - where? I've also seen my best friend at school miss out on everything and then have a huge mental breakdown and drop out not only of her sport but of education, which was devastating for such a bright, funny person. It could have happened anyway, of course, but the pressure on her was undeniably huge, betting up at 4am to swim before school etc.

So I'd very much go to the party.

Is the party today? Why have the organisers left it so late? Is it a super casual thing “oh the weather is nice, let’s light the bbq and do you want a couple of friends over since it’s your birthday?”, therefore they’re not expecting anyone to actually be available?

Either way, let your daughter make that decision. One more missed session won’t hurt, but if you decline on her behalf and she finds out I wouldn’t like to be you. After the year we’ve all had it may be just what she needs.

I am a bit baffled you don't know what best to do for your own child. Do you think strangers are better placed to say? It's very odd patenting from you.

I am astonished that an 8 year old is put under this kind of pressure. I think you will look back and regret it.
If they were gifted at maths /writing /music would you make them miss parties to do revision just in case it ruined their chances?

All the kids I know who were training obsessively at a young age had given it up in their teens.

She’s 8, why are you putting a sport before her having fun?

Sorry I agree with the poster that said “is she really going to make the olympics?”.

Your child will resent you if you take away her childhood. At 8 birthday parties are far more important.

I always let my kids make their own choice, so just ask her what she wants to do, I’m sure she will want to go to the party.

Reading this thread, I don’t think I’ve ever been more grateful for my children’s distinctively average abilities!!

DD went to school with quite a few kids who were on team GB pathways. As they all knew each other they had VERY competitive parents who wanted their child to be the best and their DC missed out on every social event going due to training. They even stopped them going on school camp in y6. As soon as those kids reached 12/13 all but one rebelled and refused to go anymore in favour of socialising. Two of them socialised hard as they'd missed out on so much (think smoking, drinking and sex at 13/14)

I'm not saying missing one party will cause your DD to turn out that way 😂 Just a word of warning really

It's interesting that you're willing to miss her training for something you want to do (the trip to Scotland) but not for something she wants to do.