Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

[Homeontherangeuk]

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

DD went to school with quite a few kids who were on team GB pathways. As they all knew each other they had VERY competitive parents who wanted their child to be the best and their DC missed out on every social event going due to training. They even stopped them going on school camp in y6. As soon as those kids reached 12/13 all but one rebelled and refused to go anymore in favour of socialising. Two of them socialised hard as they'd missed out on so much (think smoking, drinking and sex at 13/14)

Yep exactly what I've seen happen too often too sadly. Academically as well. Knew one girl who's mother pushed and pushed her to study hard, got tutors etc because the mother wanted her daughter to be a doctor. The poor girl ended up dropping out after first year as she didn't do enough work when not under constant observation from mummy. Dunno what she does now, but guessing her mum is sat wondering where she went wrong with her daughter. Being too pushy is the answer.

I competed nationally at a very young age, so not elite but high level. At 8 I think she needs a choice. If I’d missed sessions previously I probably would have chose to go training but that’s because I absolutely loved it! I wasn’t forced to compete or told I must train as I have a chance at the olympics / national teams etc. Every child is different but it is important to give them a choice.

@PreservativeFree

Only me who's slightly uncomfortable at the idea of 8yo elite athletes?

Party for me but then I probably wouldn't have let her join the programme, sending listen to me

Indeed so. My eldest niece started training as an athlete age 11. She was a massive talent - she still holds the UK under 15 record for her event and won a series of national titles, ran for her country, etc.

My brother and his wife had no idea she might be over-training - until, after she failed to begin menstruation and kept breaking bones in her feet and suffering other, strange ailments, she was referred - aged almost 17 - to a specialist. She had seriously low bone density.

Now aged 20, she still isn't competing. She resumed training aged 19, but has continued to suffer a range of ailments which keep interrupting her progress.

We thought she was destined for Olympic stardom. It seems unlikely to happen, sadly.

My brother - who is now a qualified athletics coach - would be horrified at the notion of 8 year olds training so much that they aren't even allowed to go to parties. They're children.

But he learnt the hard way, didn't he?

@BoringOldBitch then maybe her parents shouldn’t have booked a holiday so she is going to miss some training

Maybe she'll become an elite at something more useful and interesting than sport if you let her go to the party and broaden her interests?

• Sorry, sport hater here.

But this is elite sport & missing out is part & parcel of being chosen as a future GB olympian..

She’s 8 ffs.

Honestly I’ve been where you are and while it seems like she’ll miss everything, one session at 8 years old will not affect her shot at the olympics.

Give her the choice. Gymnastics is full on and the huge majority quit at 12 as it simply isn’t sustainable.

And may I suggest that if you are in a club that punishes 8 year olds for missing a session, you find another club. Read all the recent stuff around British gymnastics and the endemic bullying of children. They should be able to take time off if they’re sick, injured or the occasional social event.

If your kid misses so much they can’t keep up with the squad that’s a different issue. But if they are maintaining performance and gaining skills at similar rates still then there’s no problem.

She's 8, so I would assume she's not going to be aiming for the Olympics either this year or 2024. (2028?)
Let her go to the party. A few days away in 2021 won't matter a few years down the line.

I think there may well be good parents out there who really go all out because it's what their child wanted...

Even if your child wants it, as @VickyEadieofThigh ‘s point makes, you still as a parent have to be vigilant that their programme is one that nurtures their MH and physical health.

The idea that you have to sacrifice everything and do nothing but practice your sport is outdated and wrong, and in fact leads to burn out and injury.

@PreservativeFree

Only me who's slightly uncomfortable at the idea of 8yo elite athletes?

Party for me but then I probably wouldn't have let her join the programme, sending listen to me

No, I'm pretty horrified too.

Two of my 4 were doing high performance training in tennis for years.
They loved it, had great success and were hugely committed...until they weren't.

Until they decided that actually No, they didn't want to continue having to say No to things because they had a coveted place on a squad.

We accept it, and moved on.

I can understand the OP's indecision because these places are in high demand and if you are not attending you are taking the place of another child.
We missed many Saturday parties but they were happy to do that and made the choice to, until they made a different choice.
I think it is very important that it is the childs choice.

I wouldn't have wanted any of mine to look back and feel they were forced to do something ultimately they did not want.

But also I think it is important to fulfill your commitment and when the term ends to make another choice.
We finished out the year and when the invitation to return came we politely declined.

It definitely disappointed us as they both had such talent, but we hid it well and supported their decision.

They still play and enjoy it, but not at the level they once did.

Children's interests change as they mature, best to support that, rather than trying to live through them, which will inevitably come back to bite you IMO.

The OP has not said it’s gymnastics, only that it is an individual event. It could be diving or swimming or ice skating, anything.

Out of interest how many elite 8yo athletes are there in this sport nationally v the number of actual elite althetes and how much do you pay to put them through this programme?

It is even good for an 8yo to be labelled in this way? They can almost only fail. If they've already been told they're elite, where is there to go?

Back in the day when England was a leading badminton nation, I was playing county level, sometimes against international players. These were Olympic and Commonwealth medal winners, and they were not elite aged 8. They usually started county squad training around 11/12 and that is the way it still is.
There is still a lot of debate around the longterm injuries caused by starting training in gtymnastics very early, when the bones and joints have not hardened .

"An athlete whose bones are still growing is more likely than an adult to suffer skeletal injury, because the bones are more porous and the joints not yet fully formed. Lesions, which are precursors to stress fractures, occur in 11 percent of young female gymnasts, compared to 2.3 percent of girls and women in general. The International Gymnastics Federation says that intense physical activity, such as that engaged in by gymnasts training at the elite level, affects the functioning of growth hormones, possibly causing delayed bone growth and the onset of puberty – although the body is able to recover and catch up later if given rest periods."

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Age_requirements_in_gymnastics

The OP has not said it’s gymnastics, only that it is an individual event. It could be diving or swimming or ice skating, anything

As far as I know, gymnastics is the only sport that separates off “elites” at age 7 to follow a completely different competitive path. And labels those kids as elite.

I can’t think of any other sport that does this, alongside the insistence they don’t miss training for social events etc.

The OP has not said it’s gymnastics, only that it is an individual event. It could be diving or swimming or ice skating, anything

Competitive swimming doesn't have elite pathways that start at 8. Some might have some very friendly competitions at 8 but 9/10 is more usual to start in a competitive squad, and it's not usually until 13ish that the commitment required ramps up.

Surely all sport has a team element anyway? I'm a runner, but I'm very much representing the club when I compete.

I assumed that “elite” was not a specific designation in relation to a specific sport, just a general term for a talent programme in everyday parlance.

@daisypond

www.nottsgymnasticsacademy.co.uk/index.php/artistic/womens-artistic/training-groups-and-times

In reality, the “elite” group need to be ready for competition by the year they turn 9, so will be selected age 7 or earlier and train some big hours to gain big skills. This is obviously very intensive so they only select a few for this kind of training.

Gymnastics afaik is the only sport to have this kind of pathway, where if you aren’t on it by 7 or 8 your chances of becoming an elite gymnast are very slim.

And to get onto that pathway at that age it's likely they've already been in a development squad from much younger.
7/8 is "late" to start gym...

Yes, I take the point about gymnastics having a designated programme that happens to be called “Elite” However, many people would refer to their child‘s high-end training in any sport where they are selected for their talent, especially to people not involved in that sport, as “elite”. Mine competed across the country at her sport (not gymnastics) and we referred to her as doing elite training.

However, many people would refer to their child‘s high-end training in any sport where they are selected for their talent, especially to people not involved in that sport, as “elite”. Mine competed across the country at her sport (not gymnastics) and we referred to her as doing elite training

At 8 years old? The vast majority of sports don’t start that kind of training and competing until much older.

No, not at 8. Mine was older, still at primary school, though, when she started.

I still think your average parent whose child gets selected for some talent programme is still likely to refer to it as elite training, as opposed to your common or garden “sign up and take part” classes that are open to everyone. My other child became a professional, and we referred to the training as “elite”, even though no such official term exists. It was the easiest way to describe the commitment and keenness to other people.

Within some sports its a different designated pathway. It isn't a woolly word but one with a specfic meaning.

So within gymanstics (and trampolining) the elite pathway will be those training for nationals which will be a lot more hours. They aren't just plucked from a rec group a few weeks before though - its hours each week for years on that pathway...

There are often different squads/training patterns for those training for local competitions as opposed to those training for national.

Locally our gym takes the elite gymnasts out of school one afternoon a week to train. The other squads are also doing a crazy number of hours a week. We do 8 and that's not lots...

I still think your average parent whose child gets selected for some talent programme is still likely to refer to it as elite training, as opposed to your common or garden “sign up and take part” classes that are open to everyone. My other child became a professional, and we referred to the training as “elite”, even though no such official term exists. It was the easiest way to describe the commitment and keenness to other people

See we don’t. In dc’s sport they’re county/national/international level, depending on where they compete. Elite isn’t really a common term, and they don’t start on a GB pathway until 13.

I still would put money on o/p’s dd being a gymnast though competing “elite” at 8 with that level of training commitment that she has to miss birthday parties