Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

[Homeontherangeuk]

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

I don’t think us sports civilians truly get the commitment expected of children in elite sport and for that reason I think we are the wrong people to ask.

I agree with @LagunaBubbles your child is 8!!!!! Its up to her if she wants to prioritise her sport or her social life!!

I'd also try to make it up to the friend by having a celebration with her on another day

A play date isn't the same as a birthday party

Yes, I think I would miss it. My dd dances. I know not in the same league as your dd. But she has an exam coming up and missed one of her classes to be able to go out for the day.

My DD competes in an elite sport (about 20 hours a week training). She’d choose training because she knows that’s the commitment and attitude she needs to succeed. By all means let your DD go to the party but think more widely about whether it’s a one off, or is it every party, event or treat? Elite level requires REALLY had consistent work and dedication. What does your DD want to do?

This all seems very intense for an 8 year old. I know elite training is very tough but I'm quite shocked it's this competitive at age 8. When does she have fun and time to be a child?

After the last year I’d be inclined to say party!

@partyatthepalace I am sure the ambitions when the child is 8 are much more based on the parents and coaches. At 8 there should be a balance. I am sure many elite athletes have made it to the top without having to sacrifice everything at 8. And I am sure there are also many people who didn’t make it to the top who regret sacrificing everything else at 8.

I am sure OP’s DD isn’t going to parties every week and is putting a huge amount of effort into her chosen sport, but if my DS was in that position at that age I would want a balance between sport and childhood

I think most of us won't understand the commitment needed for elite sport so on the one hand aren't best placed to advise, on the other hand that might be a good thing as our children are living 'normal' lives.

I do think you need to make sure your DD has a social life. If it's OK to miss training for a family holiday surely it's OK for her social life too.

Poor kid! There's a reason so many elite athletes are unhappy later in life.

Does she ever get a choice in going? It doesn’t sound like it.

Let her start choosing if she goes or doesn’t, it should always be her choice.

When your in the gymnastics world things become so skewed, the pressure and hours and hours of training, it’s hard to know what’s right when everyone else is doing it too. Let her do what makes her happy, if that’s gym or the party.

She is an 8 year child. She should go to the party. And she should have the freedom to say she doesn't want to train so often, even if it means she won't win competitions or go to the Olympics.

How much are you asking her to sacrifice for this? Very few 8 year olds know what career they want to do. What happens if she says she wants to quit in a few years? Or if she doesn't make the Olympics, or gets injured? Would you think that all of the joys of childhood she had sacrificed would be worth it? Would she think so?

Birthday party. My son competes at a semi elite level and his coach would never expect him to miss something like that especially at the moment when they've missed so much. As long as it's not every week.

I was a very competitive swimmer and when I was training at that level I would have missed the party. Having said that, I also wouldn't have been allowed to take time out mid season for a holiday.

I would've been 12 or 13 by then though, so quite a bit older than your dc. It is a really difficult balance to strike and - like lots of my peers - I ended up leaving my sport due to injuries I'd sustained before I realised any of those big dreams. It's easy to rationalise missing out when you think the trade off is the Olympics, but it is true that the majority don't end up there.

And my son is 18, not 8 so he has been training through his teenage years. He missed one training session for a driving lesson yesterday - sometimes real life has to come first.

My cousin was like this at 8. Missed one day of school to train and everything. She gave it all up 5 years later when she realised she wanted to have a social life. She still does lots of sport but not at the super intense level as before.

I really don’t think it’s healthy to have this level of pressure at such a young age.

Its gymnastics isnt it....

My first child had this from development squad onwards so at 6 and 7 we were saying no to parties. At the time it didn't seem too unusual as it was the culture of an elite club (happened to be the local place to sign up for gym).

Looking back I wish we hadn't. As someome above has said rhey train a big group and whittle down over the years with the goal of one of them being an olympian.

If she was 11 and dedicated in her own right Id let her choose and may well choose her sport.

At 8 in the culture she's in Id just ask if she fancies going (without making a thing about missing gym.) Dont put the pressure on her to choose "am I committed enough to gym" . Take some of that away from her and just see if she fancies the party.

Now we are out of that environment so much looks crazy about it. Other child does trampolining for a different club and the difference is huge.

So many other sports dont go all in so young as gym does.

I would assume there is a risk of injuries when putting so much pressure on a body that is still developing

its gymnastics isnt it....

It has to be I think. I struggle to think of any other sport that would demand that level of training at that age.

Those mentioning swimming - mine were competitive for a good club (an olympian) until they realised 5am wasn't for them.

However at 8 years old there wasn't that level of pressure...

I think choosing to be decicated to a sport at 11/12 and miss stuff is very different to 8.

(Mine wasn't the olympian... I meant the club had an olympian so they weren't a bad club!)

I think you need to ask other elite athletes, as “normal” humans would obviously prioritise the party.

I also had the view of why bother committing to training at a high level as very few will make it as a professional sportsperson. It's a massive commitment in time and money. My husband takes the view that it's not all or nothing; playing for your country or at an elite level as a child is still a great achievement. Elite sport has also been a positive influence on my children's sense of well-being, particularly as teenagers, both in terms of fitness but also camaraderie.

And yes, a play date isn't the same as a birthday party but is still a way of celebrating the friend's birthday as best you can. There are plenty of fun activities you could arrange as an alternative.

Let her go to the party 100%. Let her be a child and have fun with her friends.