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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

336 replies

Homeontherangeuk · 06/06/2021 00:40

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 06/06/2021 08:17

Tell her about the party and see what she thinks/ wants.

GreenWheat · 06/06/2021 08:19

This thread makes me sad. Elite sport is so isolating.

Branleuse · 06/06/2021 08:20

How close is the friend throwing the party?
I think do the training unless its a bestie or something really special

MisgenderedSwan · 06/06/2021 08:21

My 8yo does 4 hours gymnastics on a weekend and loves it! I would say training, you have to work hard at something like that. Could you maybe invite the birthday haver around for a tea party at yours on a different day? Could have cupcakes and balloons etc.

flippertygibbit · 06/06/2021 08:22

You've already cancelled the weekend training to go away - presumably for a family break but you won't cancel her training for her friends party? That's how she'll see it. My friend was the same and now his daughter now longer speaks to him because in her eyes she was never allowed to be a child. Let her go to the party. It's one week of training missed.

LemonRoses · 06/06/2021 08:23

Let her decide.

Very few of the children who reach high performance levels actually build a career around it or even get to international competition level. I’d be explaining that to her along with supporting your passion for her to do well and the need to also stay focused on school work because high academic achievement was more likely to lead to a successful career.

zyx12 · 06/06/2021 08:25

My kids are both involved in high level sport and, as unpopular as it may sound, I'd miss the party unless it was a best friend that would be gutted if your daughter didn't attend.

The other option is to have a chat with her coach and gauge their reaction. My younger son plays two sports at regional/county level and despite trumpeting how they believe playing two sports is a positive thing, his cricket coach gave us a really hard time last year when we missed the odd winter training session for hockey. This year's cricket coach has been absolutely fine about it but it gets quite stressful when dates clash.

Hellocatshome · 06/06/2021 08:25

If its really that elite I'm suprjsed they let her go on holiday with a competition coming up. My 11 year old (but he rules were the same when he was 9) and I had to sign a contract that we would only take holidays during a certain month of the year otherwise he gets kicked off the squad. So with that in mind seen as she is allowed to miss training for holidays I dont see how q more day will make a difference.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 06/06/2021 08:26

The only "elite" athlete I ever knew was a manager I worked with.
He used to be a swimmer. Was 3rd in the country at his event. He viewed it as a huge waste of his formative years and as an adult literally reeled off years of stuff he had missed out on.
I dunno but you need to have some balance, esp with a child of 8.

zyx12 · 06/06/2021 08:26

I'd also try to make it up to the friend by having a celebration with her on another day

chesterelly · 06/06/2021 08:27

IME elite training is often more about the coaches' egos than the children. It's your job as a parent to ensure your child has a rich multi-faceted childhood experience, including friends and socialising, well-rounded education, family time, holidays. If she's that good, surely a couple of missed sessions will be okay, look at injured sportsmen & women who come back to their peak after months of injury.

daisypond · 06/06/2021 08:27

What does she want to do?

Eight seems very young. Two of my DC were in elite talent development programmes -for different things, but both were things that you needed to start young - and neither had barely even had a first lesson by age eight. One of mine is now a professional in that field, the other quit.

whojamaflip · 06/06/2021 08:28

Totally depends on how close the competition is although the fact that you've taken time off training to go on holiday would suggest it's still a ways off.

What does your dd want to do? It's up to her if she goes to training or the party.

Are you really worried about her missing one training session or are you concerned that her coaches will make life difficult for her if she does miss it?

My dd is at the top end of her sport, doubt she will make olympics but she has a good chance of making British Squad in the next few years and I can remember we never missed training for anything -parties, holidays, family trips etc. It just wasn't considered! Looking back it was the wrong decision and now she does take time out to do things with her friends as I believe it's good for her mental health. It's very easy to get locked into the training 6 days a week pattern to the exclusion of anything else.

I would give her the option and if she wants to go to the party then speak to her coaches - if they are difficult about her decision then I would be wondering if it was the right place for my dd- she's 8 with hopefully many years in her sport ahead of her and missing one session will not and should not stop her reaching her full potential.

SmokeyDevil · 06/06/2021 08:31

They start choosing future olympians at 8? Confused Why bother? At least half give up by the time they reach teenage years surely unless they have got parents who force them to do stuff they don't want to do. Could be choosing someone who is talented but then gets bored of it.

I say let her choose.

Whitchurch · 06/06/2021 08:37

Let her choose without pressure. If she's good at what she does surely missing a couple of training sessions at the ripe old age of 8 won't stop her rising to the top?

partyatthepalace · 06/06/2021 08:38

@ineedaholidaynow

At 8 do you really want that pressure on her? Is she genuinely going to get in Olympic squad. How many children burn out before then if they have that pressure on them at 8?
🙄

I really hope you don’t run your own kids ambitions down in this way.

Basilandparsleyandmint · 06/06/2021 08:40

My DD was on the elite compulsory pathway for gymnastics at age 8. She was training around 17 ish hours a week. I always let her go to parties to try and balance out the amount she trained and to help maintain friendships.She always was happy to go to gymnastics and then slowly by age 10 she had enough and quit gym. I am so glad she went to the parties now Smile

Brown76 · 06/06/2021 08:41

I think that I would do the Training as it was already planned, I would have said ‘thanks for the invite, but DD has training then’. It’s a shame about missing out on some fun, but if she’s being invited at 9pm the night before then it’s not like she’s missing a best friends party or her school prom.

Mummyrowland · 06/06/2021 08:44

A ask her
B ask the coach

My daughter was chosen for a development squad but they said you can miss x sessions for x reason only. Sat and chatted to daughter and coach and decided it wasn't for her. You don't want to risk her place over a party so talk to the coach about expectations eso with Como coming up and also missing some for holidays

donkeymcdonkface · 06/06/2021 08:45

Both my children are in elite sport. Its a real compromise in being sociable and training and they have missed out on a lot of birthday parties over the years. However they were 11 when they were 'picked up' so a bit older. Their friends were brilliant in being mindful of their other commitments and they both attended and boarded at 6th form and so it was easier as their friends were in the same situation. I think it is all about compromise and unless it was a national competition I would be inclined to let her go. 8 is very young and burn out is very real. You have to keep it fun.

PinkPlantCase · 06/06/2021 08:49

Given you’ve missed training for your holiday you probably shouldn’t miss it for the party too.

Arrange to see the friend another time?

ineedaholidaynow · 06/06/2021 08:50

How many birthday parties has she been to in the last 15 months?

LagunaBubbles · 06/06/2021 08:51

At 8 do you really want that pressure on her? Is she genuinely going to get in Olympic squad. How many children burn out before then if they have that pressure on them at 8?

🙄

I hope OP totally ignores your post

Why?? Its true

RedHelenB · 06/06/2021 08:52

8 is too young to be missing out on fun stuff. And posters are right, how many of the kids on the elite pathway will end up as a professional sports person? if she wants to go to the party then it's a no brainer.

sirfredfredgeorge · 06/06/2021 08:53

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training

Isn't it great that we can have kids to live their lives through.

They start choosing future olympians at 8? confused Why bother? At least half give up by the time they reach teenage years surely unless they have got parents who force them to do stuff they don't want to do

Because many of the coaches and sports can use simple "survival of the fittest" as the selection process, so they don't need to care about their individual athletes, but can overwork, stress, use high risk of injury techniques to train the athletes which if they've got enough individuals working their arse off at 8 know they some of them will make it to the end and will have had years and years of conditioning in the sport.

It's also even better if you can get the parents to pay you for this!