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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

336 replies

Homeontherangeuk · 06/06/2021 00:40

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

OP posts:
reallyreallyborednow · 07/06/2021 18:56

then absolutely encourage her to train because 2 missed sessions can be the difference between elite and professional/career

Yep, utter bullshit.

Even the current olympic team missed sessions due to lockdown. Months out of the gym.

Funny that it’s made little difference, in fact many are saying it’s been beneficial allowing injuries to heal.

An 8 year old missing 2 sessions absolutely won’t make an impact on a competition 8 years away.

What if the kid has covid/chicken pox/mumps and has to miss two weeks? Is that their “elite career” over?

NerrSnerr · 07/06/2021 18:56

Four females have made the GB Olympic team for gymnastics this year. Of course it's a smaller team as they did not win more places due to Covid but if you think how many children are 'elite' gymnasts to how many will make the squads for the major champs- many won't make it.

At 8 I would choose the party every time.

ineedaholidaynow · 07/06/2021 18:59

@Prinzy I feel sorry for your toddler if you think an 8yo needs to be thinking that 2 missed training sessions will mean the difference between elite and professional/career

reallyreallyborednow · 07/06/2021 19:01

It’s a hard one this, if it’s elite sports that can lead to a carre that your DD wishes to pursue, than absolutely encourage her to train because 2 missed sessions can be the difference between elite and professional/career. Also normally this thing isn’t well received by coaches m/trainers

If your child missed 2 days of school in yr 4 does that mean their chances of a professional career is over? Medicine, law, rocket science all out the window?

Exactly

caspersmagicaljourney · 07/06/2021 19:09

@Jangle33

I can’t believe you think AIBU would be helpful here. Just make a decision!
Let your child make the decision. I think that's only fair really.
Blueeyedgirl21 · 07/06/2021 19:16

Gymnastics is toxic. There’s constant pressure to never miss sessions, extra private coaching, mum has to be best mates with the coaches, etc. Watch Athlete A and realize what that kind of environment fosters and go into it with open eyes and only EVER your child’s interest at heart. Screw the Coach, screw the club, the rest of the kids etc it might seem like a lovely ‘family’ but your child would be forgotten and another one in their place in a week if they quit. It’s sad but true. Only ever do it for your child and for their enjoyment.

Same applies to many sports, elite youth footie has improved a lot and it’s often free of charge based on talent, which gives poor boys and girls opportunities, but I work with young players who have been released from top clubs at 14/15/16 and are looking for some semblance of a pathway through life - many of them remain lost for years and the clubs talk the talk about ongoing support etc but the truth is there is a constant churn of kids from preschool age to leaving school age and they might form good relationships with coaches, it might be meaningful etc but they are in the end a number and a price tag.

Always do it for your child. Nothing else. Don’t ever do it because of how pleased or proud it makes you or your family or anyone feel. Don’t do it because you have that little thing in your head of how nice it is to casually drop in how good your child is at something. Don’t do it for the coaches telling you how amazing your child is whilst your direct debit is going in to the club’s bank account. Just your kid.

godmum56 · 07/06/2021 19:19

@Prinzy

It’s a hard one this, if it’s elite sports that can lead to a carre that your DD wishes to pursue, than absolutely encourage her to train because 2 missed sessions can be the difference between elite and professional/career. Also normally this thing isn’t well received by coaches m/trainers.

It is her decision, but also parents help guide, it’s very difficult for children to understand or make decisions that have lasting impacts on their future prospects.

That being said, whatever you choose I don’t think you are being reasonable, and even asking the question is so fantastic so see because many would make the decisions to train without even consulting the child.

I’m only a young father to a young toddler but how refreshing to see good communication between parent and child.

its interesting that this is a father's response...
MarvellousMonsters · 07/06/2021 19:26

At 8 she is not an elite athlete, she's a child that's had a hobby spiral out of control. Who is the driving force here? You? Her? Her coach? She's 8. 8 year olds belong at birthday parties, not 'elite sports training' She's far too young to be taking anything this seriously.

Ickythefirebobby · 07/06/2021 19:31

Let her be a child. Nothing is worth sacrificing a childhood. She will never get those missed experiences back, even if she is successful long term. She’s not an an elite athlete, she’s a little girl.

Chris08 · 07/06/2021 19:34

Let her go if that’s what she wants.

reallyreallyborednow · 07/06/2021 19:43

Let her go if that’s what she wants

The people saying let it be her choice don’t understand the pressure these kids face in the gym.

They may be aware that missing isn’t the done thing. They may think the coach will be angry if they miss- and it isn’t unusual for comments to be made, do something wrong and it’s because you missed a session. Anything from digs and comments to full on punishment, extra conditioning etc. They will also have noticed comments made when others miss..

It isn’t really a “choice”.

RRK593 · 07/06/2021 19:46

@looptheloopinahulahoop

Are cricket and football expecting this kind of commitment at 8

No they don't - a big issue with gymnastics is that it starts getting serious much earlier than other sports.

That said, my experience of football was there too much emphasis on matches and not enough on training, but at least you didn't get yelled at if you missed a week.

My son has been at football academies from the age of 6 and they definitely do place an emphasis on training. We were taking him to training 6 days a week at one point
RRK593 · 07/06/2021 19:47

... and we get snooty messages if we missed a week!

PromisingMiddleagedWoman · 07/06/2021 19:47

@reallyreallyborednow If that’s the reality then there is one choice I would be making immediately - my child would never be setting foot in such a toxic environment every again. Surely as parents our responsibility and instinct is to keep our kids far away from something so detrimental.

Rosehip10 · 07/06/2021 19:48

She is not an "elite athlete" at 8 OP - she is a child Hmm

Unsubscribed · 07/06/2021 19:51

I don't get it why all the secrecy ? What's the point in saying 'My child is an elite athlete' , why not just say 'My DC is a Gymnast' as this would help to add context from what we know about Gym.

BeardyButton · 07/06/2021 19:51

This idea of an 8 yr old training to be an elite athlete horrifies me. The most likely long term effect of this will be physical damage and disappointment. There’s a lot of this happening in football at the moment- kids picked to be “future footballers” only to find themselves focussing their entire childhood to be rejected. Awful.

Plus!!!!! These kids can be vulnerable to predation. For some reason parents trust coaches and those involved in “elite training” so much that they fail to pick up on safeguarding issues. Swimming, gymnastics and football have seen these issues exposed recently.

MalagaNights · 07/06/2021 19:54

8 year old elite athlete??

Dont we mean an 8 year old who is really good at sport?
Which is great.

But highly unlikely she'll be a career athlete or even continue in adulthood, so worth sacrificing other childhood fun for?

TBH I'm not sure why being a truly elite athlete is what anyone wants to sacrifice anything for.
Whihc probaly expkains why I'm not an elite athlete.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 07/06/2021 20:01

What are the ramifications if your DD misses her sport?

Will she be dropped/withdrawn from competition?

Will that put even more pressure on her/stress her out?

I would probably miss the party but go on the holiday.

I think if she is that dedicated and at a high level she must be included in the decision.

Mumofthreeteenagers · 07/06/2021 20:02

My daughters were gymnasts. The elite ones were so unhappy and dreadful damages to body over time. Im glad they never reached elite as i could never push them to hurt themselves so bad on the off chance they MAY get picked. The parents always looked pissed off too tbf. Please let her be 8, a little girl, then an elite sportsperson. How will she feel at 16 if not picked and no childhood. But i get the olympian thing. Just not sure its worth the lack of childhood

Pipsquiggle · 07/06/2021 20:02

@Homeontherangeuk

😂 She's 8 not too far off! I know usually we would say we're paying through the nose for training, part of parcel of being chosen etc... But she's worked incredibly hard over zoom etc I think she deserves to go to the party considering she's missed out so much socially... But this is elite sport & missing out is part & parcel of being chosen as a future GB olympian...we're missing training this week as we're away in Scotland so I feel if she missed next Sat also it would be seriously frowned upon....
Well talk to her coach then as well as your daughter. Not sure which sport she does but every athlete needs some down time. Seems like a lot of pressure for an 8 year old - is it a sport where they tend to peak young e.g gymnastics
ivykaty44 · 07/06/2021 20:03

so I feel if she missed next Sat also it would be seriously frowned upon....

^thats an issue, children should be competing as they want to and not due to pressure of criticism of their choices

SilverGlitterBaubles · 07/06/2021 20:05

@CharlieBoo I think there are parallels with gymnastics and dance in terms of the pressure on young girls. There's the intense pressure to train for hours each week, illness or injury are seen as weakness and having any other interest outside of the this is frowned upon. There is also the issue of body image as girls get older and how dangerous this can be if comparisons and comments are made by coaches. What adds to this is the increase in the idea of self promotion online, with many kids having a professional social media profile with professional photoshoots and sometimes links with gym/ dance wear companies. It's no longer good enough to be a gymnast/ dancer you have to be a model be social media influencer too.

GeorgeAnneAndTimmytoo · 07/06/2021 20:05

My son represented the country as a Teen. He had to make sacrifices but he still managed to have some teenage fun and attend parties.

She is 8. if she can’t miss one training now then I would be gently questioning if there is too much pressure on her.

Let her go and make memories with her friends .

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