Child in elite sport... Aibu to let her miss training for bday party

[Homeontherangeuk]

My child is an elite athlete & we're on holiday this week... She's just been invited to an outdoor bday party... Usually I'd say you have training but given the past year I'm inclined to say fuck it & let her go... But we're also away this weekend so she's missing two trainings but making all her weeklys...

[quote Inastatus]@Homeontherangeuk - what have you decided to do?[/quote]
What has DD decided she wants to do?

Thats where gym differs - there aren't fallow periods and they are at the gym so many times a week and often saturdays
So no different to lot of sports then if you are serious about training, DS2 swims he is at the pool or gym every weekday evening, every Saturday and when there are galas Sundays as well. DS1 plays cricket and football he trains/plays every weekday evening and plays Saturdays and Sundays.

Thats where gym differs.... from the persons post about fallow time menaing they have time to go on holiday and do parties then. Gym obviously isnt the only sport like that 🙄.

One of mine moved from competivive gym to competitive swimming. In our experience 8 year olds werent required to swim every night - that was as you got a bit older. And they stopped just before the 5am starts. Swimming seemed more sensible at building up over the years. It also didnt require you to be training like this at 6.

Are cricket and football expecting this kind of commitment at 8?

When we did pre school gymnastics with my daughter the elite girls would often do training at the same time during half terms etc. They were amazing to watch but the regime was pretty gruelling - there was a lot of tears and I made the decision I’d never want my child to do the development squads etc. We’d quite often see a few of the girls training during school time so they were sacrificing a lot.

Clearly an issue that divides opinion... I think there are birthday parties and birthday parties. If one of my children's best friends wanted them at a party, then I would try to accommodate that although typically they would probably ask about free times if that were the case. I wouldn't feel bad declining a party invite if it was more of a casual friend as not all the kids can come for a variety of different reasons.

It's a big commitment for us as parents having two children involved in high level/intensive sport. It makes it very difficult to go away for the weekend to stay with friends, limits times for holidays and I hardly see my husband some weekends as we're both taking them to different events. We would not do it if it wasn't driven by our kids. My son was on an intensive tennis programme at regional level but chose to step away as they wanted him to drop his other sports and he wasn't enjoying it as much as the team type sports. We were completely supportive of that. It isn't about living out any unfulfilled sporting ambitions of our own, not least because fitting it all in is a complete pain at times.

Are cricket and football expecting this kind of commitment at 8? I don’t know about football - I think they start quite early but only because small boys run round kicking balls enthusiastically. From what I’ve seen they don’t require the same sort of hours as gymnastics or swimming. A friend’s son is doing very well, plays for a county boy’s team and is 11. Only just started playing bigger matches this month. A friend who’s son got a sports scholarship to a prestigious private sports college on the basis of his cricket skills started knocking a ball about with his dad at about 8, playing Sunday cricket at 10, boys county at 12, scholarship at same age. Played for senior county 2nd team throughout 6th form. Is grown up now so I don’t know what cricketing he does. My DD is just getting going at girls cricket at 13. It’s said she shows great potential. Was playing on boys teams at 10 as there were no girls teams nearby but a late start has not hampered her chances of doing very well should she choose cricket. She chooses another sport atm though, and at 13 is not quite old enough to do well as an individual. She is going to a British junior team training weekend though next month where she will be the youngest participant.

It’s an equestrian discipline.

@MyrtlethePurpleTurtle - I think it’s clear the OP is intending to make the decision for her DD.

@reallyreallyborednow

I can honestly count on one hand the times my DC have "missed" individual training sessions over the last few years but yet they have had loads of outside fun anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Did your kids train 4-8 tues-fri, 10-5 sat and 8-12 sun? All year round, no breaks, and often in more in school holidays?

Because that’s what elite track gymnastics looks like for many 8 year olds. They simply don’t have time for “numerous birthday parties and other celebrations” or “loads of fun” outside those hours.

Like I said, these kids should be allowed “annual leave” in that they have x amount of sessions they can miss before their commitment is questioned. Ok not say in the two weeks before a comp, but at any other time.

Those hours!

There are child labour laws for kids in eg acting. They can't work more than 2 hours on a school day or 12 hours a week. I can't help thinking there might need to be some such protection for children enrolled in elite sport.

@Estasala I was thinking that about the rules for child actors and how it compares to some of the hours some elite sports seem to require.

I also think about all the talk on children’s mental health and well-being, and not being able to have time with their friends during lockdown and how awful it has been for them. Yet children can have similar lifestyle if they are elite in sport.

That’s a very good point estasala

I agree it can get a bit extreme. But I would also say the kids enjoy the friendships they make within their team or squad so there's a social element as well as the training side of things.

I don't believe an 8 year-old (and even younger because not a novice) can make their own, informed decision that they wish to be an Olympic athlete...

I can't help thinking there might need to be some such protection for children enrolled in elite sport

Please let's not pretend it's "elite sport" when we're talking 8 year olds, it's gymnastics, the failure is in the gymnastic leadership, but then they have plenty of history of that

www.telegraph.co.uk/womens-sport/2021/05/13/british-gymnastics-face-safeguarding-questions-delay-striking/

Gym seems to be a right racket of telling every tom dick and harry's kid that they're elite and charging them £££ for the privilege. Thankfully my DD does ice-skating where the coaches are either far too pompous or they're realistic in selecting children that are either genuinely talented in what is likely one of the most difficult sports there is, or with parents that have the money to pay for hours of coaching and patch time, not to mention the boots, blades and dresses.

It really isnt every Tom Dick and Harry though - its like a funnel. You have lots of rec classes. Then from that only so many get "chosen" for the longer session, then from that so many for "development," then different squads for different areas. They really do have to be good and do a lot of training. The problem is that it is so much so young.

My child does trampolining amd is a regional competitor so not "elite." Elite is reservered for those doing tons of hours for nationals. Regionals do lots of hours. And gym is more than trampolining...

There is a lot of work happening at the moment within gymnastics to change the culture (with the whole gymnastics alliance thing).

The things that they are realising are
Gymnasts don't need to be slight and don't need to keep their weight significantly down (eg Ellie Downie is muscular)
There is no reason why they should reach their peak at such a young age (Beckie Downie is in her late 30s)
Lockdown has proved you can take a break and still be a world class gymnast.
They are also looking at the culture of the classes. Why is it all behind closed doors? Why can't parents watch? Why are some gyms still weighing girls who are going through puberty and not allowing elite athletes to eat snacks. (Jennifer Pinches once got reported to the head coach for having pineapple for pudding when at a training camp).

There is a lot that has to change and there is no way I'd let a child go through it until it does.

The closed doors thing really bothered me. I dropped my child off once for an (in house) competition and she was just left with no idea what was going on (at just under 6 I think) and it is still a horrible memory for her.

The rec gym we moved to has a tv screen and parents can wait downstairs and allowed to settle in first few sessions. Original gym was so strict at such a young age .

I often think by leaving we escaped a lot!

We just didnt know any different when first child at 3/4 loved gym and was good at it... its so easy to get caught up in it all.

Are cricket and football expecting this kind of commitment at 8

No they don't - a big issue with gymnastics is that it starts getting serious much earlier than other sports.

That said, my experience of football was there too much emphasis on matches and not enough on training, but at least you didn't get yelled at if you missed a week.