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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not your friend...

132 replies

Umwelt · 04/06/2021 20:44

...been told by my wife of, well, about 15 years...
Few weeks ago...
Didn't think much about it...
Tonight though- WTF??? So who are you woman???

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 04/06/2021 20:46

What? She’s your wife. Why are you confused?

Blueskytoday06 · 04/06/2021 20:48

Need a bit more context.

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 20:50

This needs way more explanation. How did it come up, in what context? Did she mean I'm not your mate (as in I want a bit of romance)? Or did she mean that she doesn't feel close to you or have fun with you as she would a friend?

Ughmaybenot · 04/06/2021 20:52

‘Woman’ nice...
Context is everything, this post is impossibly vague.

Cocomarine · 04/06/2021 20:54

🤷🏻‍♀️

ForbiddenAppleEatingShits · 04/06/2021 20:54

Do you mean in the context of she means she doesn't see you as a friend, she's more than that? My relationship with my husband is different to that of my friends. I love my friends but I love them in a very different way to my husband and I behave differently with them too in that I don't fuck them Grin

CassandraTrotter · 04/06/2021 20:56

WhT did you say that prompted that response?

FierceBarrie · 04/06/2021 20:56

So your wife said to you that she’s not your friend? And it’s taken a couple of days for you to realise you’re not OK with that because a husband and wife should be friends?

A few more words from you would really help, OP.

TaraR2020 · 04/06/2021 20:57

Two things here...

Either she doesn't like you, which would be obvious in your general relationship...

Or, she means "I'm not your friend, I'm your wife" which translates to "I'm so much more than your friend".

mumjustmum · 04/06/2021 20:59

I tell my husband he's not my friend because I don't trust him in any way shape or form.

I start counselling on Monday, it's none of my husbands business

LagunaBubbles · 04/06/2021 21:01

What a strange post...OP we are not inside your head and context would be helpful

ThursdayWeld · 04/06/2021 21:02

Maybe put down the booze?

And tell us the context of her original comment.

Roodicus21 · 04/06/2021 21:05

I wouldn't call my husband a friend-he's my husband. I have lots of friends who are my friends. I don't understand the issue?

katy1213 · 04/06/2021 21:06

Possibly someone who doesn't like being referred to as 'woman'?

Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 21:06

I'm sorry, yes, this was a bit vague...
We were making arrangements for another week, I wasn't happy with some, so I politely declined to participate...

OP posts:
Blueskytoday06 · 04/06/2021 21:08

Still vague...gonna need more deets.

TaraR2020 · 04/06/2021 21:09

Lol that doesn't help at all, op!

Bluntness100 · 04/06/2021 21:10

Um. Have you been at the vino?

Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 21:12

Oh, this isn't about being reasonable or not- just this bit of that sentence "not your friend"... I like her, we get on, we take care of things we care about but, we are in our 40's- I'd like to be friends with someone I like...
Sorry, just, well, not sure what to do with this..

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/06/2021 21:14

Is this a "I'm not your friend, I'm your wife"

SaltAndVinegarSandwiches · 04/06/2021 21:14

This still makes absolutely no sense. We have that you were disagreeing about some plans you were trying to make, she at some point said I'm not your friend. We have no idea how these two are related or what the context was.

Newkitchen123 · 04/06/2021 21:14

You like her? Is that it?
My husband is my best friend! I don't just like him

flippertygibbit · 04/06/2021 21:19

Why don't you just ask her what she meant. It's obviously causing you some distress. Are you scared of what she might answer?

If DP asked me was I his friend I'd probably say no, that I was his partner which is wayyy better than being his friend.

Cocomarine · 04/06/2021 21:25

Sounds like you’re male?

What is it about first time male posters on MN that they almost invariably seem to fall into one of two categories: ridiculously verbose with a side order hint of pompous or - as here - so vague as to make you wonder why they bother?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 04/06/2021 21:25

This still makes no sense and offers no context as to why she said what she did or how.
There are a few possible scenarios:

1.she wouldn't be friends with you
2.she's your wife,not just a friend which is more important and a different bond

  1. She doesn't want you to treat/see her as a friend or have "friend" expectations of her.