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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not your friend...

132 replies

Umwelt · 04/06/2021 20:44

...been told by my wife of, well, about 15 years...
Few weeks ago...
Didn't think much about it...
Tonight though- WTF??? So who are you woman???

OP posts:
BernardBlackMissesLangCleg · 04/06/2021 22:28

I'm going to guess that the OP knows that MN is a place his wife likes to hang out, and this self indulgent thread is just a way of making sure she knows she can't get away from him here.

I generally think that about men posting about their wives here. Just looking for an opinion are you?

aye, right

denverRegina · 04/06/2021 22:30

She said, "Come to playground with me"

You said, "I no want"

She said "I'm not your friend"?

Yeah, we had this when the kids were at nursery, feel for ya lad

Notapheasantplucker · 04/06/2021 22:30

@CandyLeBonBon

"Right now you're doing that Facebook thing where you go "some people just don't get it" and everyone says "what's up?" and you say "can't talk about it".

Pmsl GrinGrin

Cocomarine · 04/06/2021 22:30

@Cam2020

Oh, come on with the 'it doesn't make, sense.'!

She's saying you're not a friend so your participation is not optional, it's expected.

I think you’re spot on here.

I expect participation in things from my husband that I don’t of a friend. Like last night, my sister visited and though he doesn’t know her well and they have nothing in common, I expect him to chat to her, listen, make her feel welcome. And of course I do the same for him.

If my friend had called round, I’d have found it perfectly reasonable for the friend to say, “oh you have company - I’ll be off.” My expectation of a friend would be no greater than them politely acknowledging my sister was there - not cutting her dead. That’s it.

A partner doesn’t have to do all things with you... but it’s valid to expect them to do some, that are important to you. Like going to see a film they’re not too fussed about, because you really want to see it and don’t want to go alone. A friend - nah.

You need to actually say what happened. It’s not complicated or hard. The emotions might be, the interpretation might be - but spitting out some bare bone facts isn’t.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/06/2021 22:31

Why is it a mess? You don’t live together so separating ( again) is easy.

She either said “you’re not my friend” because she

a) wants you to step up and treat her like a wife , or

b) she doesn’t fancy doing fun friend stuff because you are still rebuilding your relationship and she doesn’t tryst you enough.

OhGodNotThisAgain · 04/06/2021 22:31

I'm just curious...

And I’m just bamboozled. Are you drunk?

Thewinterofdiscontent · 04/06/2021 22:33

@BernardBlackMissesLangCleg

I'm going to guess that the OP knows that MN is a place his wife likes to hang out, and this self indulgent thread is just a way of making sure she knows she can't get away from him here.

I generally think that about men posting about their wives here. Just looking for an opinion are you?

aye, right

Yeah actually it’s more likely to be this....
C0nstance · 04/06/2021 22:38

So deliberately vague.

But the one thing that's clear is that you've split up and you're still buzzing about each other annoying each other not moving on.

Just leave her alone and don't seek her out and don't answer any messages from her. She is your X

SirVixofVixHall · 04/06/2021 23:00

OP did she mean
“Stop talking to me as you would talk to any friend, as I am different “
Or did she mean “I may love you but I don’t like you “
Very hard to tell on the minimal info you have given. This is like a Whodunnit with no clues.

PandemicAtTheDisco · 04/06/2021 23:15

.....I don't really understand your situation....
Too little information given....
Can't make head or tail of your sparse words....
.....Tonight though. WTF too much to drink!!!!MAN!!!!

gonnabeok · 04/06/2021 23:17

I told my ex he wasn't my friend just before I ended the relationship

VettiyaIruken · 04/06/2021 23:17

Doesn't sound like this relationship is positive. Might be best to call it quits.

Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 23:18

@BernardBlackMissesLangCleg

I'm going to guess that the OP knows that MN is a place his wife likes to hang out, and this self indulgent thread is just a way of making sure she knows she can't get away from him here.

I generally think that about men posting about their wives here. Just looking for an opinion are you?

aye, right

Meh, no, she's never been... Thanks for your input though... I'm not looking for anything, just interested to see if women in LTR consider their partners "friends"- that's all...
OP posts:
Kissthepastrychef · 04/06/2021 23:21

Join me again next week on this episode of "Let’s make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl

CandyLeBonBon · 04/06/2021 23:22

@Kissthepastrychef

Join me again next week on this episode of "Let’s make no fucking sense" when I will be waxing an owl
Can't wait!!!
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/06/2021 23:24

Well you sound pretty irritating, so can't say it's surprising she doesn't want tonne your friend.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 04/06/2021 23:24

To be, not tonne

ViciousJackdaw · 04/06/2021 23:26

She makes a salient point. After all, how can you be lovers if you can't be friends? How can you start over when the fighting never ends?

DeathStare · 04/06/2021 23:27

There are several different ways this could be said. Several of them have been suggested already. It could mean:
You aren't one of my buddies so I have different expectations of you.
I'm not one of your buddies so don't treat me in a casual way that you would treat me
I don't like you any more.
And several others

Only with the full context could any of us possibly deduce which one it might be. And you are being deliberately vague.

I think you came on here hoping everyone would just say how awful she's being to you.

DixonD · 04/06/2021 23:28

@Thornrose

What? I'm so confused right now...
I have a feeling that is the intention. The OP is being deliberately difficult.
Basecamporbust · 04/06/2021 23:34

For anyone thinking of waxing an owl, please don’t. I work for the RSPB and I will be livid.

Ormally · 04/06/2021 23:36

You ask WTF? So who are you, woman?

That's something you need to answer. You can't lay it at one comment of hers a few weeks ago that said 'I'm not your friend' when slightly irritated with you, as that's not the answer.

The phrasing of those 2 questions above doesn't strike me as hugely respectful. It might be more useful to ask better questions, and ask her, not play games.

Slipperfairy · 04/06/2021 23:38

I am friends with dp.
I am friends with the women I went to school with.
I am friends with my neighbours.
I am friends with some colleagues.
I am friends with the women I met when my kids were little.
I am friends with people I used to knock about with in my youth.

I have different relationships with all of them. I fancy dh. I love dh. But I do different things with different people.

BilboBercow · 04/06/2021 23:40

You're deliberately not giving the full context. I'm guessing because you know the full context reflects badly on you.

lovingmummyofeight · 04/06/2021 23:42

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