Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm not your friend...

132 replies

Umwelt · 04/06/2021 20:44

...been told by my wife of, well, about 15 years...
Few weeks ago...
Didn't think much about it...
Tonight though- WTF??? So who are you woman???

OP posts:
Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 22:05

@pilates

Stop talking in riddles
This isn't easy, I'm just beginning to realise what kind of mess I got myself into..
OP posts:
Thornrose · 04/06/2021 22:07

@Notapheasantplucker

People are replying as though they understand this muddle of words and riddles Confused

Eddielzzard · 04/06/2021 22:07

Please be less cryptic so we can be more helpful

Nomorepies · 04/06/2021 22:07

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

spaceghett0 · 04/06/2021 22:10

How long ago did you split?

veronicaofmarsthethird · 04/06/2021 22:11

Is English your first language? It's hard to understand you.

Are you a man or a woman?

Mirabella7 · 04/06/2021 22:11

@Cocomarine

Sounds like you’re male?

What is it about first time male posters on MN that they almost invariably seem to fall into one of two categories: ridiculously verbose with a side order hint of pompous or - as here - so vague as to make you wonder why they bother?

Come on spit it out, don’t drip feed just say what’s going on!
Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 22:12

@Cocomarine

Sounds like you’re male?

What is it about first time male posters on MN that they almost invariably seem to fall into one of two categories: ridiculously verbose with a side order hint of pompous or - as here - so vague as to make you wonder why they bother?

Yes, but out of curiosity- what gender has to do with anything in this situation??
OP posts:
Cocomarine · 04/06/2021 22:13

Not living together isn’t “controversial”.

It’s “fundamental” to understanding you situation and offering any kind of advice 🙄

For the third time... what actually happened before she said you weren’t friends?

WhatMattersMost · 04/06/2021 22:14

OP, I think you're struggling to explain things clearly here because you're struggling to articulate the problem to yourself too: the one reflects the other.

I'd stop: stop trying to explain yourself here, stop trying to ask questions, step away from Mumsnet, look at your relationship, and wait until things become clearer to you.

My sense is that you already know the answer even if you're not quite sure of the question, and that it might take some time to own it.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 04/06/2021 22:14

I've just packed a fat bowl, so let it all hang out dude

Cocomarine · 04/06/2021 22:15

@umwelt the answer is right there in my single sentence!

I made an observation that my experience on this site is that the vast majority of first time male posters on this predominantly female board are either:

  • irritatingly pompously verbose or
  • irritatingly vague

Stop being the latter if you genuinely want to talk about your problem and potentially get some insight.

Hawkins001 · 04/06/2021 22:15

@Umwelt

...been told by my wife of, well, about 15 years... Few weeks ago... Didn't think much about it... Tonight though- WTF??? So who are you woman???
Start with the basics, what's the current arrangements you have ?
SuperSecretSquirrels · 04/06/2021 22:16

OP I think she is telling you that she expects more from you than you are giving. That you are treating her just as a friend - as someone you may or may not make plans with - rather than a wife i.e. as a parter whom she expects to step up and give more.

Were these plans important to her?

Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 22:16

I'm not looking for a fight here, I'm just curious...

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 22:17

So she made some plans, you dlsaod you weren't going, and her said she wasn't your friend?

CandyLeBonBon · 04/06/2021 22:19

@Notapheasantplucker

Someone make it make senseConfused
Yes please!
ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 04/06/2021 22:19

Jesus, just go to the fucking event with her and stop being a dick. She obviously wants you to go (don't know why though)

CandyLeBonBon · 04/06/2021 22:21

@Umwelt

I'm not looking for a fight here, I'm just curious...
About what? If you write clearly and concisely, people will understand what you need. Right now you're doing that Facebook thing where you go "some people just don't get it" and everyone says "what's up?" and you say "can't talk about it".

It immature and irritating. Use your words.

Icanhearyoubutiwont · 04/06/2021 22:23

OP are you drunk?! Honestly how can anyone give you advice if you refuse to answer questions or explain things coherently and to a basic level of detail

LyndaMcLynda · 04/06/2021 22:24

Could you be any more vague? Attention seeking much.

I wouldn't be your friend either. HTH.

BIWI · 04/06/2021 22:25

You aren't life partners any more
You gave up on being friends when you split up
At best, you're dating

How is this hard to see?

Original poster
Umwelt · 04/06/2021 22:26

@SleepingStandingUp

So she made some plans, you dlsaod you weren't going, and her said she wasn't your friend?
more or less. Looking at it now it was a daft conversation but she meant what she said... She told me to f off in the past but it didn't mean anything because context and stuff, so who cares- but this "I'm not your friend" bothers me. I tried to talk about it but she just changes the subject...
OP posts:
pointythings · 04/06/2021 22:27

Well, you're being a bit coy and elliptical, but I do think that if you're in a relationship with someone, you should be their friend along with everything else. My late husband and I started out as friends and despite everything he put us through, that friendship was the last thing in our relationship to die.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2021 22:28

So she's either sulking as in "you're mean not to come, were not friends" or she'd saying look were partners, you need to support me. I'm not just a mate you can blow off?