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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
Janaih · 03/06/2021 21:46

LTB then you'll get every weekend off.

Wishihadanalgorithm · 03/06/2021 21:48

Why not tell him if he continues to be such a selfish arse you’ll leave him and then he will have the kids EOW so you both get 2 weekends a month to yourself?

Sorry, this sounds flippant but how can you bear to live with such a horribly selfish man?

I couldn’t put up with that attitude, he treats you like a thing, a possession and that’s not good,

CoraPirbright · 03/06/2021 21:51

Have you actually said ' why is it ok for you to have free time but not me?

^^ This. OP - what does he say?

FrumpyBetty · 03/06/2021 21:53

Wow. You need to start making some very big waves and if the waves do not make a difference (I suspect they wont) then you need to wake up and realise you are in an abusive relationship.

This really isn't on.

Throughabushbackwards · 03/06/2021 21:53

My DH plays golf most weekends. The timings are always discussed and agreed mutually. If I have something on he either doesn't go or he plays a quick 9 holes early in the day so he's home by lunchtime to take over with the kids. It works well for us because he's not a self absorbed knob about it.

DarceyDashwood · 03/06/2021 21:55

Tell him no more golf as it’s “family time”

I’d be arranging a girly day out on a Saturday as soon as I could and telling him he was in childcare duty.

He sounds like a dickhead

BirthdayCakeBelly · 03/06/2021 21:55

YANBU. It’s not a big ask. Just tell him a Sunday suits you better and he can do something that day with the DC by himself.
Worse case scenario he just sits at home with them. Not the end of the world every now and again. Don’t let him guilt you into isolation.

Undersnatch · 03/06/2021 21:55

@CoraPirbright

Have you actually said ' why is it ok for you to have free time but not me?

^^ This. OP - what does he say?

Yes, what does he say, and why are you wary of making waves? Does he control other aspects of your life in ways you don’t like OP?
pallisers · 03/06/2021 22:01

honestly next Saturday I would get up and leave the house -text him saying you are gone to meet friends back in the afternoon (same time as he usually gets back) and you are looking forward to the family time on Sunday.

Some people are naturally fair and generous. others you have to fight your corner very strongly because they are selfish and self-centered. I wouldn't have married your dh (and I suspect you mght have thought twice if you knew this is how he would treat you) but you have him now so at least give a try to laughing in his face when he tries the iregular verb thing

I have time to myself to do exactly what I want
You have time to yourself while minding the children
We have family time at a time convenient to me

Oly4 · 03/06/2021 22:04

What a dick. Tell him Saturdays are now family time and he can’t go to golf.
I would not stand for this. Whatever free time he gets, you get the same.
And your one day “off” during the week is a housework/kid day. I’m furious on your behalf

NerrSnerr · 03/06/2021 22:04

If Sunday has to be 'family time' then it's got to be alternate Saturdays doesn't it?

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who thought so little of me that he thought that this was ok.

midsomermurderess · 03/06/2021 22:05

Reader, she married him.

babybabybabybabymother · 03/06/2021 22:06

have you ever watched outnumbered?
in one episode the wife takes the children to the husbands tennis game and just runs off spouting some excuse... do that.

CarnationCat · 03/06/2021 22:06

Doing a hobby for a full weekend day every week when you have a family is too much in my opinion. I couldn't cope with that.

He gets every Saturday on his own enjoying himself and you want one day on your own to do what you want. As pps have said, he can't tell you 'no'. He's not your master.

He needs to cut back on the hobby time and you need to have time to yourself too. You need to seriously rethink this.

SwimBaby · 03/06/2021 22:07

Just go out on a Sunday, your DH will sulk but he’ll have to get used to it.

GabriellaMontez · 03/06/2021 22:08

Wtf? Who made him your boss?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 03/06/2021 22:10

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.
He can take the DC with him to play golf, then. The fresh air will do them good.
Anydreamwilldo12 · 03/06/2021 22:23

So basically he thinks he's your boss. He's a selfish lazy knob.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 03/06/2021 22:27

@Harleyband

Can someone explain what "family days" are? From what I've heard they seem to be an invention to ensure that fathers are never left alone with their kids while still allowing them to pursue the non-family hobby of their choice. What century is this?
For us, it’s one day a week where I can plan or book us an activity and know my husband won’t be working.
Cherrysoup · 03/06/2021 22:27

Why are you tolerating this? If he wants family time, how about he stops playing golf (super boring) every bloody weekend? I wouldn’t ask, oP, just get up and do whatever on Sunday morning before taking off for lunch with your mates.

confusedwithschool · 03/06/2021 22:29

Tell him that YOU ARE GOING, not ASK him

RecoveringChocaholic · 03/06/2021 22:30

My DH books a 7am tee time on a Saturday AND takes the 5 year old. They are usually back by 12 leaving us with the rest of the day to do stuff.
I've also just told him I've arranged to meet friends next week on an evening he would normally be at the club. He just said 'no worries, have fun'. That's how it should be. Your DH needs to either cut down on his Saturday golf playing or go earlier so that you can meet friends for lunch on the Saturday if he doesn't want to sacrifice his Sunday family time.

SwimBaby · 03/06/2021 22:33

Go out on Sunday. DH will say hey Sunday is meant to be family day, you say no Saturday was family day but you missed it. Honestly now is the time to take control and go see your friends. It’s really important to keep the friendships going. He’ll sulk, he’ll strop but so what?

BarbarianMum · 03/06/2021 22:36

Make waves OP, make waves.

OhYouDontSay · 03/06/2021 22:36

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.
Tell DH he can take the kids with him to golf.