To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

[Dancingbinbags]

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

Just do it. If he makes a fuss do it again. It's important you don't allow yourself to be controlled by his reaction or any sulking. And anyway, he says no?? Who made him god?

Why can't you just ignore twat face and go anyway, fuck him

You’ve not even had your ‘day off’ —to do housework—this week as it’s school hols.
Seriously you can’t live like this. Why isn’t Saturday family time? You should be able to take time for a hobby or friends too.
Maybe point out if you split he has kids to himself every other weekend.

@SmokeyDevil

If Sunday is family day, then he cuts back on golf. Two Saturdays for him, two for you.

Otherwise he's a twat.

Exactly this.

You've married a twat, btw.

I’d be making not waves but a fucking tsunami. If Sunday’s family time thats even better, you’re going out Saturday. And if he can’t take the kids to golf you can’t take them out with your friends. You will pack his bags if anything comes up stopping you going out Saturday date x, and next week you will have a big talk on who died and made him god, and does he want to live in a separate house from his children and just pay child support as financial support seems to be his only parenting role right now plus he’s a pretty shitty husband?

@SmokeyDevil

If Sunday is family day, then he cuts back on golf. Two Saturdays for him, two for you.

Otherwise he's a twat.

This.

What everyone else says. Be up and ready to go before he leaves on a Saturday, or on a Sunday, and just go. It's a totally unacceptable double standard and you don't have to put up with it.

URGH! What is it with men and sport?! And fucking GOLF is the most boring game in the world. Men only play this to get away from their wife and kids. See also FISHING, and fucking cycling.

@Dancingbinbags YANBU. However, you should get EVERY Sunday to yourself.

Sadly, your tale of a selfish man who can't be arsed to engage in family life, is very common, and it makes me a cross between extremely angry, and very frustrated, because women ALWAYS tolerate it!

Where do these arseholes spring from? Is there a special factory somewhere?

OP find your backbone. TELL him you are going out on Sunday and he is looking after the DC. If he still says no, then it's divorce and he can have them EOW, from Friday night till Sunday night.

Where do these arseholes spring from? Is there a special factory somewhere?

I think the OP's DH was probably made on the same factory as my exH.

I've said this before but threads like this make me genuinely wonder why people sympathise when I say I'm single. I now actually laugh out loud when people express sympathy for not having had a man in my life for 2+ years, then straighten my face and say "Oh you're serious".

It's possibly why I'm not a particularly popular person IRL

@Dancingbinbags

It’s how it’s always been and I’ve never made waves but I’m a bit tired of never making waves. Now that things are open and I’ve not seen my friends for over a year I want to see them.

This is so sad to hear. How else is he in charge of what happens? How much childcare and housework does he do? Please know that you are his equal and deserve to be treated as such. Otherwise the marriage should be over.

It's funny how he wants family time on the ONE day that convenient to him.

My friend has recently left her utter arsehole of a husband. He does sport every Saturday (from morning until pub kick out time) and she once told me 'it's ok, I still get my leisure time with my friends like today' that day we were in a park with toddlers. That was her 'equal' leisure time, meeting up with friends in the park with our small children.

Take turns, every other Saturday you go meet your friends. It's only fair!

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy.
Sulking now. It’s easier not to go.
Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.

By "family time" he means "time I can think of myself as a great dad while dancing still does all the parenting". Doesn't he?

Ah, crosd post. What a surprise. Not.

What do you get out of the marriage OP? Is it worth it?

Is this the model you want your children to grow up thinking is normal? Wife works but still does all childcare abs housework. Husband can do as he pleases and gets his own way by being sulky.

Sulking? You've got bigger problems than golf. Sulking is a form of control. Leave him.

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy.
Sulking now. It’s easier not to go.

GO! Do not pander to him. He’s a selfish arse. And at some point sit him down and explain how unfair your roles are and how he will be taking on more childcare and you will be having more free time. You deserve better than to be treated like his slave OP.

Its easier not to go

Easier than getting a divorce? If so, do that. Otherwise you need to sort this before you lose every last drop of love and respect for him.

If this ^^ has already happened then see point 1. You get one life OP and none of us know how long it will be.

Sorry to say, but your being mugged off, big big time.

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.

Throw that back at him. Say you're going shopping with a friend Saturday so he'll have to take the DC to golf with him, only telling him as you head out the door so there's no room for argument.

@Dancingbinbags

I’ve mentioned Sunday and he’s not very happy. Sulking now. It’s easier not to go. Oh no, of course he doesn’t do any housework or childcare normally. Never has.

So he gets exactly what he wants - sulks and you decide it’s easier not to go?

Forget Sunday, get up early on Saturday and go out and meet friends and leave the selfish fucker to manage the children. Then he will really have something to sulk about.

My ex-H (notice how I said ‘ex’) used to be like this with football and think he could just piss off every Saturday to a match and I would stay at home and look after his child. He got a bloody shock after we split up and he had to look after his son every other weekend, which meant no football. Happy to say that 13 years later he has grown up and is a pretty decent Dad now.

@candycane222

By "family time" he means "time I can think of myself as a great dad while dancing still does all the parenting". Doesn't he?

Yep!

My utterly useless exH would spend 15 minutes a night chasing and tickling the kids and that assured him he was not only a great dad but the fun one, as I never had the energy to do stuff like chasing them...I was too busy working, doing housework, cleaning, life admin etc. All the things which made our lives tick nicely - but I didn't get the glory of being the momentarily interesting parent, therefore I felt my value was lowered even further