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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

488 replies

Dancingbinbags · 03/06/2021 20:01

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

OP posts:
NurseButtercup · 03/06/2021 20:18

@Dancingbinbags

It’s how it’s always been and I’ve never made waves but I’m a bit tired of never making waves. Now that things are open and I’ve not seen my friends for over a year I want to see them.
Start making waves.... no more discussions with DH. Just go ahead & make plans with your friends for the next few sundays, do not disclose this information with DH. Get up on Sunday get dressed and leave the house go see your friends. Don't answer the phone when DH calls.
Yesyoucantell · 03/06/2021 20:19

@Dancingbinbags

My dc don’t want to play golf. They say it’s boring.
Maybe he needs to find an activity they'll all enjoy. That's what my OH did! He deliberately chose something they could do together.
burritofan · 03/06/2021 20:19

He says no?! He’s not your boss. Get up early and leave the house one Saturday. Fuck him.

Thurlow · 03/06/2021 20:20

Don’t ask - tell.

Either go out one Sunday, or better still, make plans on a Saturday and tell him he has to share.

Go make some waves!

romdowa · 03/06/2021 20:21

Why are you even asking? What do you think he will do if you try to go? Stop you?

Brefugee · 03/06/2021 20:21

My dc don’t want to play golf. They say it’s boring

Frankly? don't be such a wet lettuce. Children need to learn how to cope with boredom. Teach them that.

RightOnTheEdge · 03/06/2021 20:22

He's a massive selfish twat!
You need to start making waves, you can't live your life under his control.
Who the hell does he think he is to tell you no. He is your husband not your jailer.

Rumplestrumpet · 03/06/2021 20:23

It's really not ok, is it OP? You know it's not. But as it's always been this way I can believe it's hard to try to shake things up. And while it's easy for people to say "just leave early and let him deal with the kids" I'm sure that doesn't sound so easy to you.

Out of interest, how do you think he'd react if you did that? Would he recognise fairs fair and get on with being a dad for the day? Or would he make your life hell? Take it out on the kids? I think the answer will tell you a lot about his decency and value as a partner.

prettypinkflamingo · 03/06/2021 20:25

Tell him that if he continues to be a controlling arsehole then he'll have to give up every other weekend to look after them when you divorce him

Justwingingit2005 · 03/06/2021 20:25

My husband plays golf every Saturday but goes really early so is back by 11.30. That gives me a few hrs in morning to do some jobs then we have the rest of Saturday to do things. We don't have family day. Sundays can either be staying at home, days out or if one of us is meeting other friends the other entertains the kids.
I don't and never will understand 'family time' or 'family days'.

SmokeyDevil · 03/06/2021 20:26

@Dancingbinbags

It’s how it’s always been and I’ve never made waves but I’m a bit tired of never making waves. Now that things are open and I’ve not seen my friends for over a year I want to see them.
Well you either stand up for yourself or keep letting him have entire days and nights to himself while you get nothing. Your choice.
fluffyredtoes · 03/06/2021 20:29

I'd tell your dh to take the dc to golf lessons seeing as it's ever so relaxing taking them with you according to him. Double bonus time for all involved Wink

SnackSizeRaisin · 03/06/2021 20:31

Either alternate Saturdays with him, or go on Sunday and use Saturday for family time. Your day off in the week is not the equivalent to every Saturday as its short, you do housework and you can't meet friends.

Washimal · 03/06/2021 20:32

I am genuinely angry on your behalf, OP. He gets two evenings a week and all day Saturday to himself, so you would be well within your rights to ask for the same. But you're asking for one day a month and he "says no" because "family time"?? If he gave two shits about family time he would forego a few golf games but I'm guessing that's not going to happen. Why does he think his needs and wants are so much more important than yours? Twat.

Rooroobear · 03/06/2021 20:32

Sounds like he says no because he can’t be arsed to look after his own children! God forbid you left him to do all the work. Don’t ask....tell! I’m going out to meet my friends see you later and then go.

MuchTooTired · 03/06/2021 20:33

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.
I’d suggest back that he takes the kids with him when he goes golfing instead. Lovely fresh air, nice walk and learning a new sporty skill. Much more educational for them!
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/06/2021 20:33

@Brefugee

My dc don’t want to play golf. They say it’s boring

Frankly? don't be such a wet lettuce. Children need to learn how to cope with boredom. Teach them that.

And it's not about the children. It's about DH stepping up. They get to whine at him all day about how bored they are, not you.

You have to tell him to fuck off. Really. Your negotiating with a twat, don't give ground. Either alternate Saturdays each or you get every Sunday and no family time.

Wanker

Newmumatlast · 03/06/2021 20:36

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.
Why should you take them with you? Will he take them to golf? If you weren't together, what would be do re contact? It should be fair.
Aria2015 · 03/06/2021 20:38

My dh plays golf. It's not the best, but he never stops me doing anything (wouldn't dare try!). I don't have an allowed day I do stuff, I just meet friends as and when I fancy, albeit usually fitting in around the bloomin golf. Don't ask for permission from your dh, simply tell him your plans and do them! Tell him if he's so desperate for family time, he's welcome to skip his golf!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 03/06/2021 20:40

Equal down time so work out how many hours he gets on the Saturday and two evenings, take away you day off (it’s a choice to do housework then) and there’s likely enough hours for the Sunday to see your friends.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 03/06/2021 20:41

Fuck that. I'd get up on Sunday and leave his book ass with the kids, turning off my phone. He says 'no'? Who died and left him king?

TheMotherlode · 03/06/2021 20:43

What an entitled twat.

Make waves OP, massive fucking waves!

PurpleMustang · 03/06/2021 20:46

So it boils down to he doesn't want to parent his own kids. Agree with you that need to start making waves. If he keeps saying no to your suggestions put it to him then, when on a WEEKEND can you go out ALONE. Good luck

Toomuchtooyoung01 · 03/06/2021 20:47

He is absolutely taking the piss.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 03/06/2021 20:49

I can't believe there are actually men out there like this! My OH offers to take the kids out somewhere on Sundays if he can tell I'm a little frazzled. He's finishing work early on Saturday so that I can go out for afternoon cocktails with friends, no questions asked.