To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

[Dancingbinbags]

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

I can only conclude that these men see the children as some kind of niche hobby for the wife?!? Truly bizarre.

He told you no? Who does he think he is?

Ah golf - that well known selfish sport that men who hate their families play. I’d bet my house he doesn’t just play golf though does he, I’ll bet after he’s spent 4 hours hitting a small plastic ball round a field with a stick, he follows it up with a few drinks in the clubhouse with his mates - who he gets to see three times a week. Yet you’ve not seen yours for a year?!!

My blood is boiling on your behalf. I’d put his clubs up for sale on eBay personally, but failing that as PP’s have suggested, I’d just tell him I was out on Sunday so he needs to look after DC for a few hours - like you do every Saturday. What a lazy, selfish cunt he is.

@Harleyband

Can someone explain what "family days" are? From what I've heard they seem to be an invention to ensure that fathers are never left alone with their kids while still allowing them to pursue the non-family hobby of their choice. What century is this?

In this man's case that certainly seems to be their purpose. On Saturdays he plays golf and the OP parents, and on Sundays the OP parents and he watches on from the comfort of the couch.

He’s not your dad so you can either say I want one Sunday a month or we can keep that as family time and we’ll alternate the Saturdays. I’m all for married commitment but I’d be off if Dh treated me like that.

You lost me at DH says no
No one tells me what to do
You need to have a proper conversation and agree a reasonable split of individual time,couple time and family time
And stop cleaning on your day off, get a cleaner

Cheeky bastard. Make some waves OP.

um wow hes a twat.

take your day, and enjoy it - he does not get to say no!. I would go out one saturday so he has to miss precious golf.

Have you actually said ' why is it ok for you to have free time but not me?'
You could always LTB and gave EOW free.

You don't ask permission to see your friends. You tell him you are going and you leave the house. Do that every Sunday for a couple of months, even if you aren't meeting anyone. He needs a taste of his own medicine, the controlling asshole.

prettypinkflamingo

Tell him that if he continues to be a controlling arsehole then he'll have to give up every other weekend to look after them when you divorce him

I do wish people would stop saying this . If a man isn’t involved in parenting his DC within a family setting how likely is it that he will step up if he is divorced ? If his golf days are sacrosanct is he likely to cancel them to have his DC ?
You cannot force someone to parent ! And yes I am speaking from experience!

I suspect if you divorced he'd see the children once a month not EOW because he clearly isn't fussed.

When he says family time he means time I can see them but you do all the heavy lifting still.

What does he add to your life OP? Why is he the boss? Have you had these talks before?

What a selfish man. I agree, if Sundays are family days then by his same logic, Saturdays appear to be demarcated alone time days. So yes, you get alternate ones each.

It’s the fact he thinks he can say no that is the problem OP.

You do realise he doesn’t actually give a shit about family time, don’t you? What he means is he doesn’t want the faff of ever having the kids on his own.

No idea whether you calling him on his utter selfishness and twuntery will make any difference, OP, but surely it has to be worth a try?

These posts make me so sad and so angry that so many men are just so fucking useless and arrogant and get away with it. No one should ever think that this set up is okay.

Just leave before he leaves for golf, then he will have to look after the kids,byou don’t have to meet your friends at that time, go get a coffee and some breakfast by yourself.

I think Sundays should become Daddy time! What fun the children will have and your DH will be able to spend quality time with them. Sundays also become Mummy having a blast time!

FFS just get up on Sunday, get ready and mention you're off shopping with a friend. Stop being such a walkover.

Is your DH not going to back down and be understanding that you need equal down time with your friends?

Or has he suggested that you are not being reasonable as his golf days and nights are soooo much more important due to him being very exhausted from his Very Demanding and Very Important work during the week?

@Dancingbinbags

And I’m too tired to see them in the evenings after work - my friends. Dh says take the dc with me and meet on Saturdays. It is super not relaxing taking the dc out for lunch with my friends and trying to converse.

He can take the kids to golf two Saturdays a month, you can meet your friends on those days, and everybody gets Sunday as family day. Hooray!

OP, he isn’t bothered about family day, he just doesn’t want to be stuck looking after his own kids when you are out. He’s a lazy arse.

Why is he the boss?

What a selfish misogynistic arse he is being.

Where is his Daddy and DC time, does he ever look after them on his own?

How old are the DC?

Tell him that you think it is important for him to spend time with the kids while you aren’t there. My guess is that he doesn’t want to do actual parenting and so wants you there. You’re not being unreasonable so stand firm on this.

How long does the golf last and what time?

A simple don’t be fucking ridiculous, I have plans next Sunday!

No doubt he sleeps in every Sunday morning? Just go out without DC before he gets up. Send the DC up to wake him as you walk out the door!

YABU.

You are entitled to the same amount of alone time as him.

Stop feeling entitled to less than him. You're supposed to be in an equal relationship FGS.