To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

[Dancingbinbags]

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

He is being very unreasonable. The deal in our house is he tees off by 8am on Sundays and is home in time for a late Sunday lunch (which he also makes, for all of us). He is more than happy to do this, because it’s fair.

Plan a day out with your mates and tell him to stick it.

You’re either in an abusive and controlling relationship in which case you need to speak to Woman’s Aid and get out or you need to grow a pair and stop allowing him to tell you what to do!

A friend of mine marks on the wall calendar in different colours what different family members are doing so her DH can see it in visual terms

This all suggests that you see your DH as your boss. That he sees you as his subordinate, not his equal.

Did you agree to this? Are you happy with this? If not, this is something you need to address at a fundamental level in your relationship, not just tinkering around with getting the odd Sunday to yourself.

It’s all kinds of fucked up, basically.

What would happen if you got up early and just went out one Saturday morning and came home in the evening?

Your problem is that you arae allowing him to say no - you dont need his permission.
Why is he is charge. You tell him that you are doing it

@prettypinkflamingo

Tell him that if he continues to be a controlling arsehole then he'll have to give up every other weekend to look after them when you divorce him

This. Absolutely.

I am assuming that Sunday "family time" means he never has to do sole parenting. So organise your Sunday out and off you go. He isn't the boss of you, stop asking permission. He can have family time with the children. He is their Dad.

He is right to be fair. Weekends are family time. Therefore he should only play golf every other Saturday so that he isnt the one that's taking half of it away each weekend. Either that or take the kids to golf with him. It's easy taking the kids to adult activities!

Well what an absolute arsehole, frankly. Deeply selfish.

What a total shit! So he gets a day every weekend to himself but yours is family time? Selfish fuck

Come on OP.. you don't need to ask an internet forum if this is acceptable.

You know it's not.

So.. what are you going to do about it?

As above PP said, tell him when you divorce him he'll have the kids every other weekend Saturday and Sunday so he'll get plenty of family time with them and be able to still play golf 4 weekend days each month.

DH used to go to football home and away one weekend day and play golf the other day until I informed him that as I was a single mum I may leave him and he'd be having DCs every other weekend so he may as well bin his season ticket and cancel the golf membership. It gave his head enough of a wobble to make him realise what a selfish arse he was.

He says no does he? Who the fuck does he think he is? Saturday is now family time day! Golf? If he’s as good at golf as my dh, it’s twatting a ball around the course to avoid responsibility of family life

I hope you laughed in his face and told him from now on it’ll be golf one weekend, your day off the next weekend - that leaves you with a family day every weekend.

'd'h says no
I'd be saying fuck off

@SmokeyDevil

If Sunday is family day, then he cuts back on golf. Two Saturdays for him, two for you.

Otherwise he's a twat.

Precisely. Who does he think he is telling you no?! Why is it up to him?

@SmokeyDevil

If Sunday is family day, then he cuts back on golf. Two Saturdays for him, two for you.

Otherwise he's a twat.

This

"Dh, you take every Saturday. I am taking every Sunday. When you are ready to compromise for family time, so am I"

What exactly does 'family day' entail?

stop doing housework on your day off.

He quite blatantly wouldn't be doing housework on his day off so you need to do something for you.
Find your own thing.
Yoga, swimming,cycling,paddle boarding, cinema, pottery - something that gives you equal hobbytime.

You shouldn't rely on meeting friends as your downtime.

Weekends should be split equally -family time and adult time for both of you.

I've been there op and sometimes it takes a WTF moment to wake you up and realise you are being a doormat. Stop it. You deserve some me time as much as he does.

So basically he has never had to look after his dcs in his own.
He is controlling and telling you what you can and can’t do.
And very clearly he is balking at the very possibility that he might actually have to act like a father and look after his own children....

Hmm....

I wouldn’t ask him if you are allowed to go. I would TELL a him you are going and he is in charge of the dcs.
And then do it again once a month as you please (or even twice a month!).
But don’t ask him. Because I’m pretty sure he never asked you if you were happy for him to spend every Saturday playing golf.

@Serpenta

DH says no?

Why does DH get to tell you no?

Yeah,

My friend had a dh like yours, he played lots of golf.
She dumped him and married a lovely man who doesn’t play golf.

Can someone explain what "family days" are? From what I've heard they seem to be an invention to ensure that fathers are never left alone with their kids while still allowing them to pursue the non-family hobby of their choice. What century is this?

I used to play sport every single Saturday all day and training twice a week. I gave it up when I had a family because I’m not a selfish twat. I exercise in other ways that means I have a family life and me and DH can socialise too.