To think if he gets every Saturday to himself I should get one Sunday a month?

[Dancingbinbags]

Dh plays golf every Saturday. Every single Saturday.
I work four days a week but on my day off - between dropping the kids to school it amounts to 4 hours - I tend to do housework and anyway my friends are at work so I can’t meet them and do anything.
I want a Sunday to go into the city centre and shop and have lunch with a friend. Dh says no. Family time. Where is my time off? Where is my free time?
Two nights a week golf and a full day on a Saturday. Leaves in the morning and not back until late afternoon.

Mmmm the OP just comes back every so often to rile us up!!!!!!

I read your other posts and you sound exhausted and ground down.

You are literally working every hour of every day except for when you're asleep.

He's being cruel and selfish.

You mentioned your youngest is 5. I'd strongly consider booking a weekend away by yourself to rest and have a good think about what you want.

Do you have anyone irl you can talk to about all this?
You aren't a machine and you really do deserve better.

OP,
You sound so passive.

Your poor children growing up in an abusive home.

You didn't grow up in one, yet you are passive about your children growing up in a controlling, abusive home.

Your eldest is totally aware of the awful dynamic of your marriage.

Your poor children.
Such a price they will pay for this toxicity.

I'd tell him if he wants family time so badly the week you want to go out on the Sunday he needs to give up his golf that Saturday.

So play him at his own game. You start getting sulky and stay about him going out on a Sunday. Play the family time card.
Or just leave the house on a Sunday and don't come back till late afternoon. I assume that's what he does on a Saturday? Just assume that he can go and then goes? You do the same on Sunday.

@Dddccc

You get an extra day off on the week that technically covers his 2 evening just go out on the Sunday just leave whatever tine you want and come back whenever you want I don't even see the need in asking your dp you don't ask you inform

It's not covering his week day evenings if OP is doing the housework to make up for him not doing any.

He won't give up his golf.... golf is his compensation for putting up with being married and having a family

Is this a joke? All I have read in OP's posts is HIS arguments and what HE wants. WHO CARES?

@QioiioiioQ

He won't give up his golf.... golf is his compensation for putting up with being married and having a family

Ugh, can you imagine the 'banter' on the golf links about the "old ball and chain" etc etc 😒

@QioiioiioQ

If she just goes out and leaves him on his own with the children he will make sure that the children suffer enough that she won't do it again. Ultimately this is the problem, he can hold the children to ransom because he knows that she cannot stand by and let him treat them badly, he has access to a weapon that she can never use because he is prepared to let the children suffer in order to punish her

Just to say, this is not a given. My dad sounds a bit like the OPs dh (that's not good btw) but he was a perfectly adequate father for a few hours when my mother did go out and once or twice managed to cope for a whole week when my mum flew back to her home country to visit her father.

I can't imagine the prospect of "family time" with this mis-guided arse who seems to think he's your boss, is very appealing anyway!

He says no???? No???? You say no to his precious golf that he does every single Sat. You're not asking for much at all. He can make do with missing out on one family day a month. He is making the choice to spend time away from his family every week. He doesn't get to make up your life schedule.

He says no ! Who is he your Dad ?

Get up early, before DH on a Saturday morning, go out all day, have a day of leisure, shops, lunch, massage, whatever takes your fancy.

Don't answer the phone.

Repeat every Saturday until he gets the point.
Seriously why put up with this ?

Take up golf. Play every Sunday.

@callmeadoctor

Mmmm the OP just comes back every so often to rile us up!!!!!!

Spot on.

Fight what he is saying. Or accept it.

Which are you going to chose?

He honestly sounds awful. What he needs seems to come above what you and the family need. I can’t believe he’s being so unreasonable about you having a day to yourself whilst he spends every Saturday golfing and every Sunday morning sleeping. The fact he’s sulking is a form of control. I’d be reconsidering why I would want to be married to this pig.

@Brefugee

My dc don’t want to play golf. They say it’s boring

Frankly? don't be such a wet lettuce. Children need to learn how to cope with boredom. Teach them that.

I'm with the dc on this one. Golf is as boring as hell.

So if I read this right, you want one day a MONTH to meet your friends and have lunch or whatever and he plays golf every WEEK on a saturday?

And he doesn't want you to go on a sunday, even though that means you are not affecting his golfing in any way, because its 'family' day where he spends the morning in bed and the rest of the day doing???
He thinks your day off should be spent looking after the dc while he plays golf?

So if he wants family day on a sunday, every sunday, its more than reasonable for you to take one saturday a month to see your friends and he plays golf the other 3 saturdays. fair would be 50/50 but you're only asking for one day ffs.
If he isn't happy with this, then you damn well take your one day on a sunday, every month. And take the whole day, not 3 hours of it.
Leave when he is still in bed if you have to and tell the dc to wake dad if they need anything.
You need to start making waves, however shitty he will be about it.

What his problem is I have no idea, but he sounds utterly selfish.

I'd be tempted to sell his golf clubs if he keeps it up tbh.

This is abusive and controlling.
He will sulk because you want to be away from him.

His behaviour is not normal and you shouldn't have to comprise let alone have a time limit. You're an adult. He is not your father.

I hope you find the courage to leave.

@Dancingbinbags

But Sunday he is offended I don’t want to spend time with him. Apparently if I go out Sunday we get no family time. 🙄🙄🙄

What's more important to him?

Family time....... or golf?

Dh would often says - to ds - ‘I’d never stop your mother doing anything.’

but he does. This is the behaviour your son is learning. Put a stop to it now.

@Dancingbinbags

Why should you give a crap about whether he's ''offended'' or not, when he doesn't give a shit if you get any child free time at all !!

Stop asking him, bloody well tell him how it's going to be in the future !
If you don't, then you've only got yourself to blame for falling for /succumbing to the ''it's easier if I let him get everything his own way

Of course it bloody well is ! He does it on purpose so that he can get his own way ffs !

He lives in the same house as you = equal work/housework
He fathered the same children = he does 50% of parenting
He eats = he does 50% of cooking
He wears clothes = 50% of laundry
etc etc etc

He won't like it, but tough shit !

If he argues and you fully expect him to get up and vanish on Sat morning, then you put his golf clubs in your boot, and you leave him a note on the front door saying ''As I told you, I've gone out with my chums and do not expect to be back before 6pm. I look forward to eating the food you shopped for, prepared and cooked, sleeping in the bed that you stripped, washed and re-made, appreciating the vaccumed carpets and gleaming bathroom that you cleaned. I'm also looking forward to our 'family time' tomorrow, because I'd be very upset if you didn't participate fully and wholeheartedly (regardless of whether you're a teensy bit tired

When he's used the excuse of "family time" did no part of you want to say "that's rich" he chooses to spend what 2 nights a week away and a full day on a Sat away from his family knowing that you don't get to do a thing?

@Dancingbinbags

But Sunday he is offended I don’t want to spend time with him. Apparently if I go out Sunday we get no family time. 🙄🙄🙄

Honestly, I wouldn't want extra time with him if this is his attitude. He sounds like a selfish prick.