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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends mum posting pictures of our baby on Facebook without asking. AIBU?!

152 replies

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 20:57

We have an 8 week old boy, first grandchild on both sides so I understand the excitement. I’m quite a private person, I guess we both are. But I ensure I put photos of him on my Facebook so that family can see him and keep up to date with things that he’s doing etc. It’s just much easier to have close family and friends on there. My account is very private, all info hidden etc. But every time I or my partner adds a photo of him on Facebook his mum then saves the photo, re captions it and posts it on her Facebook. She’s never asked if it’s okay that she does this - if she had I’d have politely asked her not to as I don’t know the people on there! He’s our child, surely it would be the polite thing to ask our permission?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be getting frustrated about this?!

OP posts:
3Britnee · 02/06/2021 21:04

@Tryingtobe123

We have an 8 week old boy, first grandchild on both sides so I understand the excitement. I’m quite a private person, I guess we both are. But I ensure I put photos of him on my Facebook so that family can see him and keep up to date with things that he’s doing etc. It’s just much easier to have close family and friends on there. My account is very private, all info hidden etc. But every time I or my partner adds a photo of him on Facebook his mum then saves the photo, re captions it and posts it on her Facebook. She’s never asked if it’s okay that she does this - if she had I’d have politely asked her not to as I don’t know the people on there! He’s our child, surely it would be the polite thing to ask our permission?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be getting frustrated about this?!

Imo, yes. What do you realistically think is going to happen?
BeachWaves2 · 02/06/2021 21:05

Yabu.. If you don't want pics of your son on Facebook then don't put them on there..

makingababy · 02/06/2021 21:06

It would be polite of her to have asked the first time but you’re unreasonable for not speaking to her about it. If it’s frustrating you then ask her to stop.

TuvoknotSpock · 02/06/2021 21:07

Very gently - yes. She s excited and wants to share her love with her friends. My MIL took her first GC to show her neighbour, who she hates 😂Confused- grand parents just want to show off their lovely GC.

I would maybe ask her that if she shares photos of your DC that she puts her profile to private so random people can't see. That seems a good compromise

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 02/06/2021 21:07

Just ask her not to do it in future. Simples!

Original poster
Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 21:07

Just to reiterate I have only close friends and family on there, around 30 people...not like I’m posting them for the whole world to see

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 02/06/2021 21:08

I agree. Sorry but I think you're being precious and unreasonable. Fair enough if you want no photos period but you're putting them on in the first place. She's not stealing his soul

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 02/06/2021 21:10

Boyfriends mum baby’s Grandma? I understand it may be annoying, perhaps if talk to her if it bothers you.

BeardyButton · 02/06/2021 21:10

Once a photo is on social media, you lose control of it. If you are putting them on, she sees this as a green light. Just don’t put pics up. Share them through WhatsApp or smt. This is what I do. Somehow doing this has communicated to my family that I don’t want pics of child on social media without me having to say anything.

Henio · 02/06/2021 21:11

She sees you putting them online so probably thinks you don't mind, especially since you haven't told her

Bythehairywartsonmywitchychin · 02/06/2021 21:12
  • perhaps if talk.

I mean - perhaps talk to her, and tell her it bothers you. But you are being a bit unreasonable, I’m sure she’s proud to be a grandma and wants to share her joy.

CornishTiger · 02/06/2021 21:13

Tbh I can understand your point and even if you shared via WhatsApp I predict she’d just share those onto WhatsApp.

Personally I’d ask your partner to politely mention you only have 30 people on your Facebook and you’d rather she didn’t do this.

Moonshine11 · 02/06/2021 21:14

If you haven’t mentioned anything then she doesn’t know.
She’s following what your doing regarding his photos.
We took the approach of no pics on SM at all and have family have followed suit.
We just share them in our family what’sapp group

Bagelsandbrie · 02/06/2021 21:14

So Nan / Gran?

I think you’re being unreasonable. She’s clearly excited and proud of him. What’s the harm, really?! We don’t have any grandparents at all for our children, we’d love to have someone so interested.

Mad6kids · 02/06/2021 21:14

I agree op.
Maybe get your partner yo have a nice word with her 😊

Livpool · 02/06/2021 21:15

YABU and rather precious I think

itsgettingwierd · 02/06/2021 21:16

I asked my ex mil to use friend settings for pics after she posted one public.

But other than that if I'm posting on fab I can't really tell her not to!

Why not start a family WhatsApp etc to share photos and make it clear on the group they aren't to be copied to SM?

Anna783426 · 02/06/2021 21:18

I don't think it's unreasonable to not want family to share photos on their social media - I feel exactly the same way as you lose control of the image.

I'd also echo what previous posters have said and stop sharing them on your Facebook though too.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 02/06/2021 21:19

If you have made it clear to her that you do not want her to do this then she is UR. If you have expected her to guess that she shouldn't share photos that you have put on to the internet (regardless of how many friends you have) then i think YABU. If you don't want your.child's pictures online then maybe best to WhatsApp to family and add that they shouldn't be shared online.

NameyNameyNameChangey · 02/06/2021 21:19

Personally I think it's a bit precious to not put photos on FB.
BUT, it's rude to save and re-post your personal photos.
However, if you've not asked her not to do it, then you can't complain.
Could you compromise? Send her some photos you are happy for her to post?

BlueDucky · 02/06/2021 21:19

You need to talk to her. You're in charge of your child's privacy and safety.

Original poster
Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 21:19

It’s not that I’m being precious, at all. Her page isn’t private so anyone can see. I can’t use WhatsApp as they don’t have a mobile phone or device that’s capable of having the app installed. The phone they have is about 20 years old and still has a black and grey screen! Maybe for Christmas I will get them a new one and we can share things that way

OP posts:
londonrach · 02/06/2021 21:20

Simple solution to this.dont post photos in Facebook. Sounds like a gran who excited and wants to share. Get your boyfriend to talk to her about sharing the photos ...maybe you print off a photo she can show neighbours etc not on Facebook

BlueDucky · 02/06/2021 21:20

You're unreasonable for getting annoyed but neither of you saying anything.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/06/2021 21:20

You put social media pics up so she probably presumes it's okay. Have you spoken to her about it?

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