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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Boyfriends mum posting pictures of our baby on Facebook without asking. AIBU?!

152 replies

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 20:57

We have an 8 week old boy, first grandchild on both sides so I understand the excitement. I’m quite a private person, I guess we both are. But I ensure I put photos of him on my Facebook so that family can see him and keep up to date with things that he’s doing etc. It’s just much easier to have close family and friends on there. My account is very private, all info hidden etc. But every time I or my partner adds a photo of him on Facebook his mum then saves the photo, re captions it and posts it on her Facebook. She’s never asked if it’s okay that she does this - if she had I’d have politely asked her not to as I don’t know the people on there! He’s our child, surely it would be the polite thing to ask our permission?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be getting frustrated about this?!

OP posts:

PicaK · 02/06/2021 22:03

I'd say she genuinely doesn't realise it's a problem. There's an etiquette people aren't always aware of.
So you guys ask her not to.
Come back if she does it again.

Carboholic · 02/06/2021 22:03

You need to have this conversation.

Depending on how social media savvy she is, you might also need to explain the difference in your privacy settings on FB.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask people not to share your photos, but you can’t expect them to read your mind. It would be more obvious if you shared photos with family on Whatsapp.

Original poster

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 22:04

Thanks for the constructive criticism (the majority of you) and the advice on how to approach the subject with her and what I can do in regards to different apps etc. I know I’m being unreasonable which is why I asked about it on here, to hopefully get some advice.

But wow, there are some rude people on here!

Remind me not to ask anything else on here again as being made to feel like pure shit wasn’t really on my list of things to do tonight 😂🥴

OP posts:

Original poster

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 22:07

And yes he is our first baby. We had a miscarriage before. So maybe why I’m being ‘precious’

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2021 22:08

You do realise if you take your baby out, people can see him right? As he gets bigger, if you take him to the park, the shops. Strangers will be able to see your child ?

Bitofachinwag · 02/06/2021 22:09

In my opinion nobody should ever share other people's photos without permission.

Original poster

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 22:09

No I didn’t realise @Bluntness100 thanks so much for the heads up

OP posts:

Sleeplessem · 02/06/2021 22:11

@Tryingtobe123 There are some real cyber bullies and trolls lurking on mumsnet, try not to take it to heart. Hopefully you’ve got some decent advice.

Most parents are ‘precious’ about their children, so ignore that load of cr*p, lol xx

Homehaircuts · 02/06/2021 22:12

Actually Op if her facebook is not private then YANBU in my opinion,.there are websites out there that creeps look at and make comments on normal everyday pics of kids that have been taken from am ones posted and shared publicly. If your facebook is private and hers isn't you have the right to feel frustrated but yabu in that you need to just communicate it with her rather that going on Mumsnet where you be thought of as being ridiculous when actually you are being reasonable really, just tell her.

3JsMa · 02/06/2021 22:12

YANBU,had exact same problem.
It's not being precious,it's about mutual respect and sharing someone's private pictures without permission,whether it's a MIL or a pope doesn't matter.
I had to block mine as she was doing the same,saving pictures when she knew there were special to me so wanted to share with friends and family as we are spread across the globe.
I normally would not have an issue but she did nothing as normally Granny will do,no birthday cards or anything to celebrate her 4 grandchildren,refusal to visit 2 youngest grandchildren,claiming bad health and not being able to fly but perfectly happy to go for 2 holidays abroad very soon after etc.However,she loved stealing my pictures and using Facebook to pose as the best Granny in the world.Terrible double standards.

Bluntness100 · 02/06/2021 22:13

It’s fine to be precious. But you do need to understand that people will see your baby. Unless you never leave the house, people will see your child. Strangers. Not just people your mil friends. Proper strangers will be able to look at your child.

I think when you understand that maybe you’ll be less concerned about her friends seeing him?

Mammyloveswine · 02/06/2021 22:13

Op have a chat with her, she's excited by her grandchild and wants to show him off! She likely won't realise!

Maybe you could tag her in a few pics so they are the ones she shares?

I think people are harsh..a lot of people now don't want their children's photos shared on social media!

I share loads of my kids and am happy for family to do the same but that's my decision as a mother!

Does your boyfriend know how you are feeling? What are his thoughts? Can he talk to his mam?

bubblesforlife · 02/06/2021 22:14

Honestly, it sounds like you don’t like this women very much and this is something easy to pick at. That’s ok, not everyone lies their MILs!
It is weird what she’s doing. But once you post on the internet, no matter how private you are, it’s fair game.

Cactusesi · 02/06/2021 22:14

Think of the CCTV, dashcams, ring doorbells all over Britain.

Additionallt anyone in a public place can take a photo of your child.

Against that background it really isn't worth falling out with family over pictures you havre already posted.

Blossomtoes · 02/06/2021 22:15

I can’t see the problem. Hundreds of people see your baby every time you take them out. What’s the difference?

Ambo21 · 02/06/2021 22:15

I am a grandmother. I love it. I am so proud of my grandkids and talk about them all the time to anyone who will listen.
My family send me photos of the grandkids on my phone.
I show my friends the pictures ON MY PHONE.
I would NEVER post them anywhere, I would never post pictures I have taken of my grandchildren. That is a parents decision.
It is called respect.

5475878237NC · 02/06/2021 22:16

I'm not on Facebook and so would hate this. I suggest you come off it and stick to posting photos on what's app when someone asks for an update or for special occasions.

junebirthdaygirl · 02/06/2021 22:17

I am a grandma..my sons child and no way would l post pictures of my gc on social media . I think you are being totally reasonable and your partner can just quietly without fuss tell his mum that this is not on. It's important he does it gently as she meant no harm but you are perfectly within your rights to stop it.
I have a keen supporter of mils but this is OK. After all if it was your mum you would stop her too.

SionnachRua · 02/06/2021 22:17

Tbh you could have a sideline gig as a Gollum impersonator with how precious you're being.

Once a picture gets posted on social media, you lose control of it. It's not a pleasant thought, it's not one I enjoy - so I just don't post anything I don't want reshared. At the end of the day, anyone on your friends list could be screenshotting and sharing your photos externally.

shivawn · 02/06/2021 22:18

Yeah sorry but I think that you're making yourself look quite precious by saying she's not allowed to repost the same photos that you've just posted. I can imagine the amount of eyerolling that would happen in my family if someone was making a fuss over that.

reallyreallyborednow · 02/06/2021 22:18

Yep. Or putting you on limited profile and then you’d never know what photos she is sharing.

SuperSleepyBaby · 02/06/2021 22:18

I have 4 children and I wouldn’t like this either - it doesn’t matter that its your first child - do what you feel comfortable with - not what other people think you should be ok with.

AGirlsGotToDo · 02/06/2021 22:20

This is why I don't have social media.

JewelGarden · 02/06/2021 22:21

@Tryingtobe123

But wow, there are some rude people on here!

Remind me not to ask anything else on here again as being made to feel like pure shit wasn’t really on my list of things to do tonight 😂🥴

Don't worry OP, no one has ever come away from starting an AIBU without feeling like pure shite, it's not just you

Original poster

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 22:21

It’s not about people seeing him. I’m not stupid I do realise that people have eyes. It’s more about the privacy of the special photos I've taken that I’ve shared with close friends and family that are being shared around. I don’t like social media, I made the Facebook as a lot of my family and my partners don’t use WhatsApp/Instagram etc and I was having family asking me to add them so that they could stay in the loop about how he’s growing etc. I have mentioned it to my partner and he is the same, but in all honesty she’s a very spiteful woman and we’re terrified to say anything as I know she’ll just stop talking to us for weeks as she did this before when we didn’t take baby to see her one weekend as partner wasn’t feeling well and we hadn’t had a good night with the baby. She’d only seen him 3 days prior but then kicked up a fuss about never seeing him when we missed one weekend. It’s a tough subject and I appreciate peoples opinions, I’m not one for social media. I guess I’m naive for thinking that the photos I share with close family and friends would be shared about.

OP posts:

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