Boyfriends mum posting pictures of our baby on Facebook without asking. AIBU?!

[Tryingtobe123]

We have an 8 week old boy, first grandchild on both sides so I understand the excitement. I’m quite a private person, I guess we both are. But I ensure I put photos of him on my Facebook so that family can see him and keep up to date with things that he’s doing etc. It’s just much easier to have close family and friends on there. My account is very private, all info hidden etc. But every time I or my partner adds a photo of him on Facebook his mum then saves the photo, re captions it and posts it on her Facebook. She’s never asked if it’s okay that she does this - if she had I’d have politely asked her not to as I don’t know the people on there! He’s our child, surely it would be the polite thing to ask our permission?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be getting frustrated about this?!

Resharing, not reshaping

@yomommasmomma personally I don’t chance it, so never post pics of my child. BUT if one only has a limited network of friends like OP said and they are genuine friend IRL then there is implicit trust that your friends won’t do that, again it is very odd behaviour. I still think it’s very different to a picture being posted public profile without consent!

I have mentioned it to my partner and he is the same, but in all honesty she’s a very spiteful woman and we’re terrified to say anything as I know she’ll just stop talking to us for weeks as she did this before when we didn’t take baby to see her one weekend as partner wasn’t feeling well and we hadn’t had a good night with the baby. She’d only seen him 3 days prior but then kicked up a fuss about never seeing him when we missed one weekend.

OP, you and your partner need to stop being terrified. Let the woman throw a tantrum and stop talking to you. Hopefully, she’ll realise her actions are going to do the very thing she doesn’t want and that is no time with her grandchild. This is going to be just one of many problems you’ll have with her if she’s already being a pita and your baby is only 8 weeks old. I’d leave her to her silent treatments and you and your partner can continue on with your baby. Don’t let the early days be filled with trying to placate her.

[quote Sleeplessem]@yomommasmomma personally I don’t chance it, so never post pics of my child. BUT if one only has a limited network of friends like OP said and they are genuine friend IRL then there is implicit trust that your friends won’t do that, again it is very odd behaviour. I still think it’s very different to a picture being posted public profile without consent![/quote]
We also don't not post pictures of our children on social media ever. I understand what you are saying regarding the small group of friends on the private profile etc but Facebook profiles are hacked all the time, so I don't think this makes it much safer. I don't understand the need for validation via likes personally

Yanbu - your child, up to you what gets shared. But your BF needs to make it explicit that you don't want her to post the photos, she probably doesn't think she's doing anything wrong.

@yomommasmomma i guess it’s calculated personal risk at the end of the day, the same can be said ultimately for any digital platform, even if you popped a photo in the post is could be intercepted. For me the issue here is consent and ultimately control, as OP can delete her profile or any pics.

I’m not a big poster or announcer of news or children or anything ‘substantial’ on social media, it’s just my character. I’m not an announcer in real life either lol. But I guess some mummy’s are just proud or like to share with their nearest and dearest on a familiar platform. Each to their own

YABU

I think YANBU. I have a 5 week old baby and my DF uploaded a photo I had sent him of my DD to his Facebook with her full name and DOB and over 150 people liked it who I don't know and he has over 500 FB friends and a public profile.

Family have said I was being precious in wanting him to remove it because it's his grandchild and he's just excited...

Nobody cares about your baby photos. People who know you say 'aw sweet' and move on, people who don't know you don't even say that.

If Internet Perverts want photos of babies you'll never know, so don't sweat it. What's the point?

Ignore her for longer if she reacts spiteful know your opponent. Send her a text if you're frightened but honestly don't be worried.

YABVVVU I have a friend just like you and it just comes off as drama llama... I'm not trying to be mean although it will sound mean but honestly no one cares about your baby pics other than you. She's posting them because she's a proud grandma but no one on her friends list will be batting an eyelid or caring at all.

I totally understand where you are coming from and had a similar situation recently but it wasn't baby photos. As much as I would probably be frustrated too, I think that anything you post on FB, you have to accept that anyone can then share the pictures on their page. I'm not 100% but I'm pretty sure that if FB wanted to, they can use the photos too?! Like others have suggested, I would say that if it bothers you, don't post on FB at all and share photos via WhatsApp or similar. Congratulations on your baby op

I have mentioned it to my partner and he is the same, but in all honesty she’s a very spiteful woman and we’re terrified to say anything as I know she’ll just stop talking to us for weeks as she did this before when we didn’t take baby to see her one weekend as partner wasn’t feeling well and we hadn’t had a good night with the baby. She’d only seen him 3 days prior but then kicked up a fuss about never seeing him when we missed one weekend.

Your baby is only 8 weeks old and she's stopped talking to you for weeks? When did this happen?

I had this with my DH’s grandmother. We were very clear that we didn’t want photos being posted on others pages as we only had family on our Facebook accounts. She broke it once, I spoke to her and she took them down, she did it a second time and we no longer post photos on there.

We switched to an app and choose who can access and see photos instead. We send that grandmother physical photos at Christmas now.

[quote Sleeplessem]@Tryingtobe123 There are some real cyber bullies and trolls lurking on mumsnet, try not to take it to heart. Hopefully you’ve got some decent advice.

Most parents are ‘precious’ about their children, so ignore that load of cr*p, lol xx[/quote]
Why, when someone gets an opinion they don't like, are they automatically being trolled and bullied? If OP was so confident in her feelings towards this she wouldn't have posted here asking if she is being unreasonable or not. Do people honestly post here thinking that every MN'er is going to be kind and agree with what they are saying!?

OP, YABU. Just don't share photos on social media, they are out with your control as soon as you do so and to be honest, MIL probably doesn't think she's doing anything wrong as you are sharing the photos yourself.

I completely get that you don't want to upset her, but you are a parent now, and that means having to stick up for your child and having these kinds of awkward conversations. There is tons of information online about why it can be dangerous to post photos and infomation about your babies. I would send a link to one of these, explain calmly and clearly why you aren't happy. If she decides to kick off then that's on her, allow her to have a tantrum if she needs. It's your baby, your choices, you're not being unreasonable.

You’re both going to have to learn how to deal with her in the long term: this is not the only boundary she’ll cross and you need to be able to stand up to her. Let her sulk or stop talking to you

Honestly some of these comments. 😂 “in fifteen or thirty years someone will be able to see them as a baby” runs around screaming with pants on head, the horror of it!!!!

As a pp said, no one gives a shit about baby photos other than close relatives , they are just a polite smile and nod and move on. Unless the baby is naked or something then really nothing bad is going to happen, your pictures aren’t less special because someone else saw them, they are not more special because they are secret. If you go outside people will be able to see your baby for real. Strangers can see them!

I think YAB completely U, but it’s your preference, so it is what it is.

And I say this as someone who has had FB since it started and goes on it daily, but never posts - because I don’t want the world and his dog to know my business.

However, as many others have said, MIL sees you sharing photos and thinks it’s a green light to do the same.

Understandably. She has no idea about your privacy settings, and probably also no idea of your limited friend numbers on FB (I mean, seriously, who goes on and takes a tally of their friends’ friends?).

If you don’t want her to share them, you just need to ask her not to. No drama.

I can’t use WhatsApp as they don’t have a mobile phone or device that’s capable of having the app installed. The phone they have is about 20 years old and still has a black and grey screen!

How old are you and your in laws? My grandparents are in their 70s and don’t have phones like this! They don’t have social media though. Just tell your in laws to stop posting photos of your DS onto their social media.

30 years ago you'd have given her a pic and should would have shown it to everyone. The thought of giving a pic and a list of people she was allowed to show it to would have been considered bonkers.

So people see a picture of a baby. Big deal. They genuinely won't give a shit. It's just a baby.

Random strangers on Facebook are not interested in seeking out photos of your baby. Trust me. Your baby photos are really dull to anyone that doesn’t know you or the family, and probably dull to some that do know you, though it depends how many you post I suppose.

Your not being unreasonable. But I can see the mixed message of you posting on FB but the MIL not being allowed to.
There are plenty of internet and phone based apps for sharing photos privately. Use one of those. If your relatives can figure our FB they can learn to use a different app.

I think unfortunately you've set a precedent by posting on your own Facebook page. Anyone of my friends who posts their children on their page for me to see, I assume they're OK with them being on Facebook.

I'd also say that all the posters advising you use WhatsApp instead, WhatsApp is owned by Facebook, and is still classed as social media. Your images you upload to it still become property of the social media and they can use them any way they want.