Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriends mum posting pictures of our baby on Facebook without asking. AIBU?!

152 replies

Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 20:57

We have an 8 week old boy, first grandchild on both sides so I understand the excitement. I’m quite a private person, I guess we both are. But I ensure I put photos of him on my Facebook so that family can see him and keep up to date with things that he’s doing etc. It’s just much easier to have close family and friends on there. My account is very private, all info hidden etc. But every time I or my partner adds a photo of him on Facebook his mum then saves the photo, re captions it and posts it on her Facebook. She’s never asked if it’s okay that she does this - if she had I’d have politely asked her not to as I don’t know the people on there! He’s our child, surely it would be the polite thing to ask our permission?

Am I being totally unreasonable to be getting frustrated about this?!

OP posts:
schoolfinder007 · 02/06/2021 21:21

First baby?

Original poster
Tryingtobe123 · 02/06/2021 21:21

Saying this, does anyone know if you can set up a WhatsApp account on a tablet? Without having it on a mobile number? Does that make sense?

OP posts:
cherrypiepie · 02/06/2021 21:21

you could actually tag her in the photo so she doesn't have to share it? Kind of reverse psychology!! It might take the wind out her sails!

I think yabu as facebook is such a public forum now.

But ....also think what she is doing is a bit totally crackers! So can see why you are annoyed.

You could always set up a private album that you only invite certain people to view or a private what's app group or Instagram. These seem to be more usual than Facebook now.

phoenixrosehere · 02/06/2021 21:22

I don’t think yabu. Wouldn’t have hurt for her to ask. My parents are on Facebook and they don’t post any photos without asking neither do my in-laws. I wouldn’t post a photo of someone’s child on social media no matter how excited I am unless I knew it was ok. Takes seconds to ask.

picklemewalnuts · 02/06/2021 21:26

@Tryingtobe123

Saying this, does anyone know if you can set up a WhatsApp account on a tablet? Without having it on a mobile number? Does that make sense?
You can't. There are apps that let you see wotsapp on your tablet, but they piggyback off your phone.
WorraLiberty · 02/06/2021 21:26

YABU

What do you think her friends are going to do, print them out and throw darts at them?

You're posting a photo of your baby on the internet anyway and your baby's unable to give you permission for that.

gmailconfusion2 · 02/06/2021 21:26

We asked everyone not to post pictures up, and do the same ourselves. We (I) just use WhatsApp but you can get dedicated photo sharing apps aimed at parents.

You can report images on Facebook to get them taken down, there is report image option and a form where you can say the person doesn't have permission to share images of your child

Feelinghothothottoday · 02/06/2021 21:28

Realistically what do you think is going to happen to the photos. So Mil puts them on her FB. Her security is weak so Joe bloggs can see them if he searches for your MILs page. Really most people are not interested in other people’s baby photos.

gmailconfusion2 · 02/06/2021 21:29

My @picklemewalnuts you can have whatsapp with no mobile number, we set my grans up with one. With hers we used a Land-line number and thyy called it to give the verification code. There are some other options too

MsJinks · 02/06/2021 21:33

It has never entered my head that my grandchildren’s photos on fb cannot be shared by myself - not entered theirs that I wouldn’t share either. It’s shameless nan bragging that they have come to expect and I share their shared pics or my own in message/what’s app/messenger - whenever I see an opportunity to be fair! The parents would say if they didn’t want any specific ones of mine sharing, and I wouldn’t share their private, non media shared, photos without asking.

I didn’t post any of one of them for a while after birth as the parents didn’t want them on fb at all - ie they were not posting any pics to start with that I could share, and I didn’t post my own but that was different really.
I think a conversation that fully explains your concerns over privacy might help - but just being asked not to whilst you continue may make her wonder what she’s done - I’d definitely be wondering why I wasn’t allowed and be a bit upset.

Bigbus · 02/06/2021 21:35

I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. I have a private FB account and I would not expect anyone to screenshot photos from it and post them on their page and I wouldn’t dream of doing it with anyone else’s photos.

Welllllllwellllllllwellllllll · 02/06/2021 21:36

You're not being precious? You absolutely are being precious.

ChewtonRoad · 02/06/2021 21:38

Some of my extended family use FB to post pictures of their children and others use this site tinybeans.com/ which is much more private. The latter site works on laptops, phones, and tablets.

You can send an invitation to another person to view the pictures you post, and they'll be able to view them with no need to set up an account at the tinybeans.com site.

Soontobe60 · 02/06/2021 21:42

@Tryingtobe123

Just to reiterate I have only close friends and family on there, around 30 people...not like I’m posting them for the whole world to see
Any one of these friends could be commenting on your photo and their comments be seen by other friends you’re not friends with. Once a photo goes on Facebook, it’s fair game I’m afraid.
ShadierThanaPalmTree · 02/06/2021 21:47

I completely agree with you. I have a private app called family album that my DDs grandparents are on and that's where I post pictures. My mum screenshot one and posted it on her Facebook page where she has a ton of people I don't know, and lacks privacy settings. I phoned her as soon as I saw it and explained why I'm not happy for pictures of her to be shared, and that the whole reason I set up the family album app was so that I was in control of who was seeing those images. She was a bit put out but accepted that it's my desicion as a parent and hasn't done it since. You can't expect her to know if you haven't told her!

Sleeplessem · 02/06/2021 21:49

Unfavourable opinion here. Personally I don’t think you are being unreasonable, I won’t have pictures of my kids on other people’s social media, to me it is a safety concern as you don’t know their privacy settings or their ‘friends’/ followers.

I would ask that the photos be removed personally. Ultimately like it or lump it, it’s your child at the end of the day, they should really respect your wishes. it was most likely an innocent mistake and just done out of excitement so it’s understandable so you could just gently express your concerns and maybe make up for it with a lovely photo album or a few framed pictures for your partners mum

Toothdrama · 02/06/2021 21:49

I dont think you are being unfair to ask other people to not post pictures of your family. However you need to have that conversation.

If you havent perhaps say... upon reflection you would ask that no one shares a photo unless it's been okayed.

We did this.... told all the family that if they want to post a picture that contains one of our children just to check first.

We have a private page set up which only has certain people added and we can only add people to it. So if anyone wants to share a photo with family they can do it there.

If people respect your wishes they will ask.

I agree you have no idea who she is friends with, who those people are friends with.

I also get really annoyed with people who share photos of their child in a uniform... advertising which school they go to and basically the year they were born.

People dont know the full dangers of social media and how scammers and worse can gather so much information from a few posts and pictures

Drunkenmonkey · 02/06/2021 21:55

Definitely being precious dreading being the MIL one day.

Daphnise · 02/06/2021 21:57

If you don't want this to happen, it's so absolutely simple: never put photos of your young child on social media.

Once you do your "permission" to copy and broadcast is meaningless. So called "Privacy Settings" don't always work, and are at best unreliable.

It is as good as allowing the whole world access to an image of your baby, and maybe even location and your name- not the best thing nowadays

SadieCow · 02/06/2021 21:57

Yab totally u

EmeraldShamrock · 02/06/2021 21:58

Block her. Wink She is not a mind reader and can see you're happy to upload photos. Speak up ask her to stop or secure her page.

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 22:00

YABU to have not told her to stop already.

If you can’t handle the discussion then just set future photos on your page to custom audience and deselect her so she can’t see them. But if she continues to find photos another way and share them on there you’re going to have to say something.

Don’t be afraid, it’s a normal everyday conversation. ‘Please don’t share photos of my child on your Facebook, I’m not comfortable with it as I don’t know everyone on your friends list and it’s set to public anyway’.

You’re gonna struggle with a lot of things regarding your kid going forwards if you can’t handle a simple matter like this.

Thefaceofboe · 02/06/2021 22:01

I think that by you posting pictures on social media, she doesn’t see a problem with re posting the same picture. I think you are being a bit unreasonable

ChangePart1 · 02/06/2021 22:02

@Sleeplessem

Unfavourable opinion here. Personally I don’t think you are being unreasonable, I won’t have pictures of my kids on other people’s social media, to me it is a safety concern as you don’t know their privacy settings or their ‘friends’/ followers.

I would ask that the photos be removed personally. Ultimately like it or lump it, it’s your child at the end of the day, they should really respect your wishes. it was most likely an innocent mistake and just done out of excitement so it’s understandable so you could just gently express your concerns and maybe make up for it with a lovely photo album or a few framed pictures for your partners mum

Agreed, very surprised at the majority of the comments on the first page. I don’t think many would be so happy if a relative put a picture of their child on the front page of the local newspaper without asking. This is no different.

I don’t post any photos of my child on social media where he can be identified (I’ve posted the odd one of the back of his head somewhere), but even if I did that would be my decision to make based on my privacy settings and how I manage my friends list. Someone else, relative or friend or stranger, taking that photo and then sharing it themselves is completely different.

DeeleysMum · 02/06/2021 22:02

To be fair the minute you put anything on social media, it ceases to be private. If you don't want her to save and post them then don't put them on there!